shaggy boys

The Big Holiday OOPS!

2011-12-22T14:43:00.000-08:00

It has been awhile. We know. Why? Because Miss Applesauce Pants and the Exploding Diaper Band have been b-u-s-y!

For starters..Miss Applesauce Pants has been moonlighting during the past month for a Christmas Musical at the local prison. Meaning? The entire exploding diaper band has been helping her run lines and learn her music!

Blue Monkey truly believed the Christmas Musical was RUINED without playing The Wheels On the Bus...but he was outvoted...and the musical went on without his favourite song. This did NOT sit well with Blue Monkey.

Black Rat has been very busy with art work..specifically chalk art and puppetry. Therefore she has only joined practices when absolutely necessary.

..and Bug? Well Bug has mastered the art of melodramatic whining and tantrumming. It has not been pleasant, let me tell you.

The band has, however, maintained their weekly fishing venture and are still at war with the Chinese Fish aka the BIG CATFISH!!! They have also managed to make it to the weekly Park/Library Day with the homeschoolers...and this is where the bands latest OOPS began.

There were rumours of a Christmas Party..but where, oh where?

Miss Applesauce and the Exploding Diaper Band agreed to host the party at their house. The homeschooling families all agreed. And so a date was set...and the excitement with the band members began to grow. The band would make pie and cookies..Oh..and Irish Stew! They would play a concert for the families.

The band began to practice..Merry Christmas, Frosty the Snowman, The Wheels on the Bus, Love Shack (because How? AsksBlue Monkey, could we have a concert without Love Shack?)...and Old Mac Donald. Even Black Rat began to join in on rehearsals.

Here Bug plays with the knob of the keyboard looking for LOVE SHACK.

Then. Well..things happened. First Big B quit his job!! All of a sudden, Big B was around a LOT..and so were some of his friends. And Big B and his friends are just fun to play with. They like things like wrestling, and pillow fights..and let's face it, things were just too exciting for practice.

Also? There were customers needing cars fixed, etc...so the band had to remember their manners and offer people tea and (gasp) they had to stay IN THE YARD, ON THE DECK or INSIDE..for safety..or some other such nonsense. The band wanted in the garage SO BAD. So there was a week of plots and plans to try and move rehearsals to the garage. But Miss Applesauce Pants AND Big B said NO WAY.

Miss Applesauce Pants had planned a vacation JUST BEFORE THE PARTY. She had planned to spend a couple days at the beach with some friends. She cancelled the trip..but she still pretended to be on vacation.

When Austen and his friends came over..she just did nothing. And when Cody came home? She did nothing. Miss Applesauce Pants figured if she was at the beach she would not be cooking, or cleaning or anything else..and so she did not. Also? She did not practice with the diaper band because (ahem) they still thought she was on vacation.

Luckily..the BIG BOYS..helped out around the house even with mom on vacation. Here Cody plays with Bug. Bug is SO EXCITED to have him home..and Cody? Cody is patient..as Bug sticks his fingers up Cody's nose.

..and so yesterday, everyone was finally back in motion.

Miss Applesauce Pants took the band to the library since they had missed on Monday..with you know..the vacation and all. The band was thinking about cleaning..after all..the legos and dolls were EVERYWHERE. Instruments were in every room of the house. Markers and crayons were hidden in strange places. But the Bug was doing his whining thing. Miss Applesauce Pants and the band decided to take the Bug for a ride in the car (so maybe he would go to sleep)..but first? Miss Applesauce Pants had to go to the restroom.

And this is when things get really weird.

Miss Applesauce Pants is in the bathroom when she hears Blue Monkey calling her. At first she ignores him..because sometimes? Blue Monkey and the Band just like to visit her when she is in the bathroom. Miss Applesauce does NOT appreciate this.

Blue Monkey called her again...and then Miss Appleauce screamed...(not very nicely) Blue Monkey..you have GOT to stop that I'm in the Bathroom. I'll be right out. Then she hears. Miss Applesauce, Miss Applesauce?..and she comes unglued...I'M IN THE BATHROOM!!!! Please..I'll be right out. YOU HAVE TO QUIT CALLING ME WHEN I'M IN HERE...and then she said lots of other things I will not print here.

..and when she walked out..the living room was full of moms and kids for the homeschool Christmas Party. OOPS?!?! Miss Applesauce and the exploding Diaper Band had FORGOTTEN the PARTY!!!

But absolute embarrassment aside? Miss Applesauce Pants and the Exploding Diaper Band had a great time at the Christmas Party...and all Miss Applesauce Pants could think was..

thank God for Potlucks!

Wes Cooksey

2011-11-12T13:14:00.000-08:00

It has been a few weeks since Big B and I loaded two boys in the RV and met our friends, Jack and Rhonda at Wes Cooksey State Park (here in Tejas).

So, a little late. But thought I would share a few pics from a long-overdue mini-vacation.

Cody finds a sunny spot to study..or sleep..or day-dream.

Big B says Hurry. Get a picture of our dam kid. So here is that Austen boy. Walking the dam.

Big B and Austen.

The Boys leave us Saturday afternoon, after Austen grills us steak!

We play Monkey Golf with Jack and Rhonda. They smoked us!

Jack lights a lantern as we prepare for an evening of guitar playing, tequila sipping (yes..it was a sipping tequila) and hanging out around a campfire. I think I might have sipped fast....

...but man did we have fun.

The Table.

2011-10-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

I have found it.

The ideal dining room table. Not only is this table an ideal...but it is sitting in my dining room as I type! How cool is that?

But first let me tell you how this begins. Some of my earliest memories are sitting around the dining room table as a child. I used this table (one built by my grandpa..none-the-less) for homework. I used the table as a hide-out. We often had dinner guests. The dining room table..and the discussions that went with it, were the backdrop of my childhood.

When Big B and I got married we agreed (and still agree) on very little. But what we did (and still do) agree on ...is the importance of gathering around the table.

That said. We have gone through a slew of tables in our 21 years of marriage. Sort of like the three bears. This table is too big...this table is too small....and so we look for the one that is just right.

We look at yard sales, we talk about building one. We know we cannot afford the tables we like. What we want is a long, narrow, sturdy table..like the one my grandpa built. That will seat 10-12 comfortably. Because even though we only have 4 living at home? We usually have 6-20 for dinner. Because THAT is the way we roll.

And then, last Friday, out of nowhere..my parents ask..would you like the dining room table that Papa Jim built? They are scaling down. They don't want me to take it if I don't want it..but could I use it?

Yes, yes and double yes!

Are you sure? they ask. Again with the Yes, yes, YES!

We bring it home on Sunday. The VanBibbers come to help us "break it in". (The kids couldn't wait for us to sit..they were starved, apparently)

We use it for co-op and day-care. And what do you know? We have elbow room:)

We visit with friends..over wine, beer, tea and sodas as we wait for

Community Dining!!!!

So YES! Thank you Mom and Dad for instilling in me the value of gathering around the table.

Depleted

2011-10-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

Depleted.

That is how I feel.

Not over-exhausted. Not worn out. Just depleted of all energy.

It has been almost two weeks since the Kairos weekend. I have NO idea why it is taking me so long to recover. Maybe it is because I had way overextended myself in the weeks leading to it. Maybe it is because I had way overextended myself in the weeks after.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad I did it, Kairos that is. I'm just realizing that my recharge battery is not working the way I thought it would.

And while I am NOT recharging, the kids maintain their full energy.

Lots of hide-and-seek.

Here Bug discovers he can spy and scream through windows!

The college boys pop in last weekend for a nice, surprise visit.

And while I was delighted to see them both..I still have NO ENERGY!!! I start to wonder if this is what mono feels like.

My friend Dug put it pretty succinctly.

Dug worked nights as a bouncer and dragged his sleep-deprived self to Kairos most of the week. His words a week later were..It's like having a really bad hangover. Only..I never got to drink. Dang, I should have had a drink. I think we are too old for this.

Yesterday I finally just got sick, sick, sick. I think my body said Enough. I had been fighting some sort-of fluish something for a week. Yesterday, I just gave out. My mind would say..get up and play with the kids. My body said..I think I'll sit here for a few minutes before I throw up or pass out.

Thank goodness for Austen who saved the day!

I tried to stay in motion with the Rugrats. I did not do a very good job. Austen fed them, he played with them, he carried crying babies.

Austen let me sleep.

And today? The Austen kid is in bed.

For when he was not watching rugrats he was larping with friends. Austen managed to roll over a rock (think summersaultish thing) with his shoulder blade while whacking friends with swords. Now the boy can't seem to get out of bed. I think he is having his much shorter/teen version of depleted.

So now I know. I have some very definite limitations. I am human. (I think I had delusions otherwise). Lesson learned. In other words. Big Oops?!

I am taking this weekend off. I had hoped to go to Austin to visit Brian-Scott. But nope.

No plans. Nothing. I am going to sit in front of the t.v. in a vegetative state watching Lifetime movies and/or sleep, sleep, sleep. Then, maybe then. I can replenish my depleted self just a tad.

Deer, Trikes and Brownies

2011-09-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

This is the week before the October Kairos weekend at the Torres Unit, Tx. Here is a video for anyone who is interested in Kairos Prison Ministry International.

So..pretty much, I have been living and breathing Kairos prep around here for the past month. I have been given the opportunity (non-Kairos related) to preach every third Sunday at the Torres Unit..starting in December. I am looking forward to this.

But Holy Moly..for an HOUR! Who preaches for an hour? For that matter? Who listens for an hour? It will be good for me. I also have the chance to preach again at Grace in a couple of weeks. And all of this? Has brought me back to taking time to sit still in the word. And for this, I am grateful.

But ministry aside my daily actions are pretty much the same. And the routines with the kids are also pretty much the same.

The deer continue to greet Big B and I every morning. A new development is that some of them are now coming back for lunch. They like to see what sort of leftovers the Rugrats will throw their way.

The weather is starting to cool off a little. So the kids are spending a lot of time riding trikes and watching/listening to windchimes on the deck.

and most importantly..we have discovered (or rediscovered) BROWNIES.

The Rockin' Evolvin' Revolvin' Revolutionaries

2011-09-22T10:26:00.000-07:00

It is Thursday, here at Rugrat Ranch. Meaning..the band has reminded Miss Applesauce Pants that it is time for this week's update.

Really?, asks Miss Applesauce Pants. Because I just blogged yesterday.

She is greeted by stone silence followed by a loud sigh. Did you write about our revolving? asks Blue Monkey. Miss Applesauce is puzzled. Huh?

You know..our re-vol-ving? Like we're revolvers and stuff?! Blue Monkey is exasperated . He gives Miss Applesauce pants his best, incredulous..you are a traitor look.

There is a giggle from the couch.

I think he means REVOLUTIONARIES, clarifies Black Rat. You should write about how the band are (another giggle) Revolving Revolutionaries. More giggling. Or...How about Evolving Revolving Revolutionaries. Tell the world who we are!!!

So this is the tale..all honest, I promise.

Every single day the band reads their favourite book.John, Paul, George & Ben by Lane Smith. Several times a day, actually. Miss Applesauce has never been sure WHY this is the favorite. But she and the kids read..almost in unison..this book every day.

This past Monday, the high-school kids started their co-op. This meant the band (gasp) skipped rehearsal that day. Instead they used their little ears to eavesdrop on the teens.

The teens were discussing revolutions..and revolutionaries..and what that means. But no one of ever talked about the Revolutionary War. The Band could not believe it. The fact that the teens were discussing revolutions AFTER 1800 was not the point. Because the band? They know this story.

So on Tuesday..as they were reading John, Paul, George and Ben the band asked Miss Applesauce to change the names in the book to the names of the band members. For two days there was much debate as to who fit who. In the end it was decided.

Blue Monkey is John Hancock. Why? Because he is the BOLDEST of the whole band. He is never afraid to speak, run, walk or write first. Even if he sometimes introduces himself to people by saying,Hi. I'm Blue Monkey. Do you like video games? I would talk to you, but actually, I'm shy. Most important Blue Monkey likes to write his name Really BIG. Just like in the book.

Bug is Paul Revere. That was an easy one. He is always banging things, ringing bells and the noisiest of everyone.

Next came George Washington. Who should be George Washington? Well it had to be someone honest. Even though Hurricane J and Little Man C have been busy with family stuff this week, the band voted Little Man C as the only truly honest one of the batch.

Black Rat made it clear that she would have to be Ben Franklin. She took one look at the band and said..I HAVE To be the clever one. The band agreed.

..and then there is Independent Tom. It was UNANIMOUS. This HAS to be Hurricane J. After all he ALWAYS does his own thing. I mean really, expands Blue Monkey,we have to chase him everywhere!!!

and so we retell the story with our latest, more recent characters...here is a sample of John, Paul, Ben and George by Lane Smith. The revised version:

...Fortunately, Bug was a NOISY man. After his midnight ride., every Minuteman, woman and child knew who was coming and what they'd be wearing.....

....The Americans needed to formally state their separation from the king. Who better, than Hurricane J, an INDEPENDENT man, to write The Declaration of Independence?

Simply signing such a document was treasonous. And dangerous. Black Rat, a CLEVER woman, said it best: "We must all hang together," she quipped, or assuredly we shall all hang separately."

One might think twice about signing his name. Not Blue Monkey. A BOLD man, he was the first to scribble his autograph.....

..The war was won thanks to GENERAL LITTLE MAN C. Everyone thought he would make a great king for the new United States of America. But Little Man C was an HONEST man. "The last thing we need is another King Little Man C" he said. "President Little Man C, however has a nice ring to it."

now the book in it's original version is much longer and Miss Applesauce Pants and the Exploding Diaper Band HIGHLY recommend it. Because we have excellent taste, and all that.

So that is how the band has become evolving revolving revolutionaries.

When we are not being revolutionaries, we have band practice. Today we practiced in the morning in unison with a U2 c.d. Blue Monkey felt we should learn from the experts. We practiced ALL MORNING. U2 would be proud, no doubt.

Then just before lunch, we went on our Nature Walk. We could hear Led Zeppelin echoing through the hills. There is a biker ralley across the highway from Rancho Rugrat. They were playing Led Zeppelin all morning.

Miss Applesauce Pants stopped under a pecan tree. She stopped to watch the band as they played with the innocence of children.

She watched as Bug squealed and giggled NOISILY down a trail.

Blue Monkey was practising racing with the speed of a cheetah into unknown territory. Why? Because it was wise to be fast if you are BOLD. How did he know this? Because Black Rat is CLEVER..and she told him so.

Black Rat looked at Miss Applesauce Pants.

You know,we are cooler than the Sons of Liberty. WE are the ROCKIN' EVOLVIN' REVOLVIN' REVOLUTIONARIES! And then she left to pick a flower.

Miss Applesauce replied with upmost confidence,

Yes..you most certainly are!

The Boy Has Wheels...and the rest is small potatoes..

2011-09-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

It's true. Austen got his license today! No more squishing with little peoples..or less squishing with little peoples, anyway. No more relying on friends and family to drive him places.

Those of you who know Austen's history, know that this is a BIG deal!!

So we celebrated by going to Mc Donalds!

NO. This is not Austen's choice. But the elementary kids wanted McD's..so we took them as a bribe. Austen was a good sport.

After a series of small errands and picking up Bug. Austen is free!

Look at that grin!

And yes..we do ask him to pick up the mail and milk.

I think I'm gonna like this!

I've already got him booked for a series of errands for the upcoming Kairos weekend.

You know, small things, like can you pick up 35 lbs. of chicken salad from Bricks at 9a.m. and drive it to the church in x town?

oh..and can you come back Thursday and help package cookies and grill hamburgers?

Yup! I'm really liking this new license arrangement!

WE also started co-op this week! It was nice to have these kids back this year. I really did miss them last year..but I am also glad we took our little hiatus.

It is the Return of Apples to Apples..and muffins. Some things remain the same year after year after year after year...

Experimenting with sentences....and then silly sentences..and then even sillier sentences.

Bug stays busy with pots. He is not the least bit interested in what the older kids are doing.

The teens move to the den. Away from the younger people who sometimes think the older kids make good climbing walls. The research on Millard Fillmore, Sojourner Truth, Harriet Beacher Stowe, and Charles Darwin begins...

And Bug continues playing with pots! The record is 4 pots stacked before THE BIG CRASH.

Bug's adventures are not limited to pots and pans. Bug has also been busy refining his fashion sense.

He now wears Princess Pull-ups! We tried them on during an emergency one day. Low and behold he did NOT pull them off. As a matter of fact, he was heart-broken when we had to take them off his body.

We tried to return to regular diapers. We really did. Bug tears them off.

Not a problem. We bought Clifford Pull-ups. Nothing Happening!

So Princess Pull-Ups it is!

The boy has fashion sense. What can I say?

Super stained (but still the favorite) alien shirt and Princess Pull-Ups. Oh..and the commentary. Bug loves to tell us his pants are pretty.

He's modest like that.

That's it folks.

One boy with a new coolio, doolio drivers license, and one very modest boy with Pretty Princess Pull-ups...playing ball together below.

and rumours that the college kids are busy, exhausted and doing okay.

Pool Rules

2011-09-15T12:51:00.000-07:00

It is mid-September. Every morning we get hints of Fall. I awake at 6ish and open windows throughout the house.

Big B and I sit on our back deck and quietly sip our coffee while watching cardinals (who knew we had cardinals around here?) and one brownish bird as they enjoy the birdhouse buffet. We have given all the birds names.

Look, Big B will say. There is Red Bird (see how original we are). Where is..oh..there is Spare Parts. I didn't see him.

We sometimes make up imaginary stories as to what our bird friends are doing.

We continue to feed the deer. Big B has befriended the deer. As he goes out to feed the chickens, they start to peer out of the brush.

Go to the back, he will tell them....and they DO.

Very loudly I might add. We feed the deer left-overs and several loaves of bread every morning.

Big B and I then return to our coffee, watching the wild-life and enjoying the breeze. Yes there is a nice breeze in the morning. And? the leaves are falling. I still have not been able to figure out what trees have leaves...but leaves are falling. I become hopeful that we will have fall weather soon.

But by 11 a.m..the temperatures are back in the high 90's early 100's.

The Rancho Rugrat kids and I swim. A LOT. Because, swimming breaks up our day and makes it bearable to go outside in the later afternoons.

You see..we like to be outside. But by 9:30 (after playing outside and venturing on our daily nature walk..recently turned Star Wars adventure) we are back inside.

Miss Applesauce Pants (that's me) and the Exploding Diaper Band (see previous posts) have band practice. Blue Monkey and Bug LIKE to practice every single day. The rest of us oblige.

Then we all return to the business of playing. But sometimes..in the words of Blue Monkey playing is HARD work.

And hard work, is exhausting.

So after lunch, the exploding diaper dancers and rhythm section take naps.

Blue Monkey, Black Rat and Miss Applesauce Pants usually read, write..and play games, while the band rests. But by 2ish, everyone becomes whiny.

So to solve this whinyness dilemma, the band swims as soon as the dancers/percussionists wake up.

And THAT is how Miss Applesauce and the Exploding Diaper Band acquired their pool rules.

Blue Monkey felt that Miss Applesauce Pants and her son Austen were not adequate lifeguards. But not to worry..he assured everyone, I'm a lifeguard..really.Right Black Rat?

Black Rat usually reminds him he shouldn't lie. Blue Monkey is nonplussed. Oh..she doesn't know, he assures us.

Blue Monkey stations himself by the ladder of our above ground circular 4 foot deep pool. He keeps his floatie with him. This is very important..because,you know..he can't BREATHE under water! Blue Monkey then orchestrates everyone's play and doles out rules.

So now you have them..Pool Rules by Blue Monkey.

1. Everyone must wear clothes.(No naked diaper band allowed).

2. The radio should be on JACK FM because we know those songs.

3. ALL pool toys MUST BE IN THE POOL.

4. All bath toys MUST BE IN THE POOL.

5. Babies should be placed in the floating cooler so they can be pulled by Miss Applesauce Pants.

6. Once Miss Applesauce is pulling the babies in the cooler..everyone should float in their tube and attach to the cooler turned tug-boat...like a conga line.

7. Miss Applesauce can pull the train of tubes fast (And the lifeguard will be at the end to watch) so we can make a whirl pool.

8. Once the whirl pool has settled everyone must look for the diving toys..specifically the shark, the clam and..possibly the Lost City of Atlantis.

9. When everyone dries off and changes clothes. Miss Applesauce should just not bother changing. She can just stay wet..or throw clothes on over her swimsuit..because the band is too busy to wait for her!

10. When the band eats their popsicles on the deck..the exploding diaper band should still wear clothes. (See no naked diaper band rule Number 1)

So for all my West Coast friends..who don't know if their kids have school or not due to TEA strike?

Just see what you could be doing? You could trade in those school rules for pool rules.

Just sayin'!

Whatever Works

2011-09-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

It is that time of year. Kids are back in school. New school supplies, new teachers, new tennis shoes..all that good stuff.

Homeschoolers are gearing up in their own style. Some families purchase new curriculum, co-ops are starting up, park-days are returning into families weekly routines, etc.

But almost to a tee..all families whether they public school, private school or homeschool, are taking time to ponder. To consider learning styles of their children and educational styles of their choice. To evaluate what has worked, what has not...and to look forward to what lies headed.

So in that way, this year is no different. I have often labeled myself a Waldorf-inspired unschooler. And some years..that was actually appropriate. But more often than not..we hit the Whatever Works Approach.

I have probably mentioned this approach before. It is that blend between the ideals in your imagination..and the reality of the personalities in your home.

It is the ability to imagine a home (or family children's care) with all eco-friendly, natural toys, no electronics, only healthy foods and a magical rhythm to our day.

It is the ability to take those ideals and say..oops..Maybe that isn't going to work after all. And to laugh at the reality in front of you. To take the components from your imagination that work in real life and blend your imagination with ideas from the imaginations of others. To embrace the collaborative imagination (through much trial and error). To allow the real live personalities in your home to create a rhythm and lifestyle together.

And I have found myself at this place, once again. I had lots of grand delusions of what this Fall would look like. I made some hard-core decisions at the beginning. Absolutely no t.v. unless we had a really bad weather day. No way am I going to homeschool other people's children. (I get asked every year..I always respectfully decline). No swimming or field trips because I didn't want to mess with the bureaucracy in registered care.I didn't like this part..but really I felt the need to become registered as soon as possible.

Needless to say, we are still not registered. Financial issues and some logistical details more than anything. Lucky for me, the families here do not care at this time. We will get there..but now we are swimming,going to the Homeschool Park Day, the library and the grocery store every week. So I will take longer to get through this process so that we can continue with "field trips" and swimming.

I am thoroughly enjoying having the addition of two elementary aged homeschoolers in our home. After a few weeks of getting to know eachother and figuring what we want this year to look like, the kids decided they want to do what the older (teenage) kids do. They work on one or two workbook pages of math (okay..the older ones work through problem sets), they write something (anything) and read for 1-2 hours a day..or I read to them. The rest of the day, they do whatever they want. These kids spend more time in formal study than my own kids would EVER spend at this age. But it is what they are craving at this time.

We have lots of plastic toys. Sometimes we eat pure junk. For example, last week? I was sick for a couple of days. I wanted to skip are "soup making" day. I was fighting a headache, and feeling really nauseous when I dropped a gallon of milk on the floor. The one year old started dancing in the milk. The 6 year old walked through the puddle of milk and left a milk trail.. with CandyLand in hand... asking when we were going to play. (Because we HAVE to play before doing any math!)

I announced we were skipping soup.

Oh my..the opposition. I caved.

The kids fixed and ate Ramen Noodles.I didn't even know we had ramen noodles. We found them buried in the pantry. I might as well have handed them a bag of chips and said..here..here is lunch. But instead? We enjoyed the Ramen Noodles. We also went to Sonic last week..and ate frozen pizza.

But the biggest change of all? We spend Thursdays on a screen time blitz.

Kids bring their own D.S.'s,I blog (and the kids sometimes help), we watch movies and eat popcorn in my bedroom-turned--movie-room. You know..my bedroom which I swore I was not opening to public use. What was I thinking? We LOVE Thursdays.

Now we still keep some Waldorfish components. Daily nature walks, a nature table, art and music daily..and LOTS of play. But I'm pretty sure you can find these in other educational styles as well. So I no longer pretend (even to myself) that we are Waldorf-Inspired.

There are some ideals that are not negotiable. For instance, mutual respect. Respect is not negotiable. We spend much time discussing kindness and respect. What does this mean? What does this look like? How can I be kind?

But mostly? As far as time consuming activities? We seem to be spending time around meals. We created a daily/weekly rhythm..which we (oh my) posted on a bulletin board. Those who know me know I'm not a bulletin board person. Along with the weekly menu. (actually..need these things to be registered anyway). And the kids INSITED that we add MEALS TOGETHER for daily rhythm...sort of almost a HOUSE RULE.

And my, have our meals evolved. The kids now help fix breakfast almost every day. We set the table with a table-cloth, napkins and silverware at least twice a day. Much of our weekly rhythm revolves around food. Would be nice if I could actually cook.

But the kitchen IS the center of everything around here. It's where most of our conversations and a good deal of play happen. Wouldn't change this for anything.

And so we have evolved..into a weekly rhythm..which the kids have asked I post for your pleasure;)

Mondays: bake muffins, (high-school co-op starts in 2 weeks!), nature craft, library and homeschool Park Day.

Tuesdays: trip to grocery store (to pick our fruit, purchase ingredients for soup and get a lollipop from Ms. Ellen), puppets, and clay.

Wednesday: make soup, chalk art and dragon math

Thursdays: media blitz (games and movies), swimming and baking cookies.

Fridays: fishing/swimming, pizza making and painting.

Every day : play, play, Nature Walk, play, band practice, play and meals together!

..and there you have it. Our Official Schedule created by a committee and everything! For now anyway.

Let's see what happens when the teens arrive.

Growing Up by Dancing Bug

2011-09-02T07:57:00.000-07:00

Okay. This is Bug here. It appears everyone else in the band has something to say. True..I am still working on my words..but I can sure THINK a thing or two. So I am here to let you guys know...

I am growing up!

Want proof? Look at me. I am now facing forward in the car-seat!!!

And this is just the beginning. Now? I can dance in my car-seat. Austen tries to wear headphones..but I can just sing and dance on my own, anyway. Why? Because I LOVE TO DANCE. (And Austen? He really does like to sit with me..he just pretends I'm noisy. We have lots of fun together)

But the truth is..Austen plays drums with me.

Actually he plays the drum..he practices his capoeira rhythms...and I sit on the drum. It sounds different when I sit on it. It sounds different when I stand on it too. But then..well..my body just starts moving.

I can't help it. Then I have to stomp my feet..and then..well..what can I say? I'm just made to dance!

Now I'm not a classical dancer..like Camille over at sardinesinacan . Nope ..that's not me. I'm a more fee-style stomper. Especially when the band plays. Like these guys.

Only..I think I need a little more practice. Actually..we all do.

Which reminds me..I'm in this band..and they call me one of the "exploding diaper babies". Can you believe it?! I try not to wear a diaper. I take them off every chance I get!

But MomNom (who everyone else calls Miss Applesauce Pants..I don't know why) thinks I should wear a diaper. I mean really? But MomNom? She's just kinda quirky that way. She has other weird rules for us to. Like..jobs?!! She's killing us here. All of us have jobs.

For instance..Blue Monkey and Black Rat collect chicken eggs and make tea every morning. Why? Because there is a rumor that ice-tea is the house wine of the South. Momnom says we (as in all the parents, Big B aka DadDA's friends, and us band members) go through 3 pictures of tea a day. That is a lotta tea making.

Also? Blue Monkey and Black Rat are supposed to offer tea to anyone who comes over? I try to offer tea. But usually? I just dance with a tea-pot. Because if I hold MY teapot over my mouth..I can make it sound like a trumpet while I dance.

So back to jobs. My job? To feed the deer and to clean tables. I am an excellent table cleaner. You give me a cloth..I will wipe a table. I'm pretty good at sorting laundry too. MomNom hangs them on the fireplace..and I put them back on the chair..where they belong. Sometimes..I just run and put them back in the dryer. I don't know what Momnom would do without me sometimes.

I mean..she doesn't even put my shoes in the dryer when I am not wearing them. I take care of that for her. And speaking of shoes. I have to tell her I need my shoes. Shoose...shoose. I tell her all the time. I mean..without shoes I can't go outside (too many stickers) I bring them to her.

When I bring her my shoes after my nap, Momnom tells me no ..not now. It's too hot.

I don't know what she's talking about. I tell her over and over Shoose..Shoose..'side Keeese..Okay..so I'm working on the P sound..but I say please and everything.

But no..another one of those quirks. We only go outside when it is in the double digits..whatever that means.

(sigh) Which means..I just have to dance some more. I can't help it. Honest.

Last week at community dining, I was so tired. I was rubbing my eyes and trying to finish my food and Uncle Ricci played some music. I couldn't help it..right there in my seat..my body just started moving. I could barely keep my eyes open..but I could dance in my seat. Have I told you I'm a good dancer?

I've been trying to show Blue Monkey and Black Rat that I'm getting bigger. I am learning to climb. I just get a little stuck sometimes, that's all.

But most of all..I can pick my own clothes. Here I am in my FAVORITE Alien shirt. I think I should wear my Alien shirt and nothing else. But, once again, MomNom has other ideas. Back to that diaper thing..

Now I don't know if you know it or not. But my band has been trying to sell worms to buy more instruments. Can you believe they kept the worms in a fishbowl in the laundry room?!. I try to tell them this is wrong.

Shoose..shoose..'side KEESE! I tell them.I even bang on the worms. They just don't listen. So..I have been trying to free the worms whenever I can!

Black Rat thought she was smart and moved the worms on the fire-place mantel. I have been trying to figure out how to rescue them. But I think my problems are solved. You know why? Because yesterday we received a package. Our band got a whole box of instruments from a friend in MA. She wrote a note saying this was for the Rugrats and everything!!!

The band has been discussing sending her the whole worm farm..but there is still a debate going on. Personally? I think we should let the worms go! And maybe..now that we have more drums and stuff? They will let them free. I sure hope so.

But Me?

I am busy growing up..and I know who I am.

I am a worm advocate who likes to dance..or stomp..actually...with tea-pot in hand.

An Idea Forms

2011-08-27T19:27:00.000-07:00

Every Friday Miss Applesauce Pants, Blue Monkey and Black Rat go fishing.

This is the day when the rest of the disbanded (see Blue Monkey Tells a Tale post) diaper band are gone. And without the diaper band, Miss Applesauce Pants, Blue Monkey and Black Rat can do things that are hard to do when the whole band is together.

Which is how it came to be, that Fridays were designated Pizza making, Fishing and Painting days. This past Friday started as all the others.

First Blue Monkey, Black Rat and Miss Applesauce Pants made pizza dough while Blue Monkey played on the piano between dough kneading and rising.

Every since Black Rat quit the band. Blue Monkey has been playing piano..(and sighing), playing violin (and sighing), playing the drums (and sighing.) Finally, on this particular Friday, Black Rat caved.

All right already, she says as she tosses her pizza dough in the air. What if we reunite and we are just a rhythm band. Because really..uhm..how do I say this? Black Rat sprinkles some more flour on the dough and then looks directly at Blue Monkey. Well, Blue Monkey, we are NOT VERY GOOD.

Really? says Blue Monkey(.he is not remotely concerned that we may not sound any good)

Yes. sighs Black Rat. For now it is her turn to sigh.

Perfect! says Blue Monkey.

Before he can get too excited Black Rat gives him her offer.

We can be a rhythm band, but we cannot practice all the time. Maybe just once a day. Because really? I am an artist. Not a musician. YOU are the musician.

This greatly pleases Blue Monkey. But Blue Monkeys sometimes only hears what he wants. And I will still be the fiddle player. You guys will be the rhythm band and I will be the fiddle player. Because I am a GREAT violin player.

Black Rat gives Miss Applesauce Pants the see what I have to work with look. Then says. Fine.

But Black Rat is a bit concerned. For you see. The violin is TOO BIG for Blue Monkey. So he can only play open strings because his fingers can't reach the finger board. But Black Rat does not want to disappoint Blue Monkey. So instead she says..

Yeah. But I think you should learn the rhythm band part also. You know, until we can make some money and get you a violin that fits. And we should probably make some money for some rhythm instruments too. Because right now? We have one drum.

But the kitchen..., states Blue Monkey with a gesture to the pots and pans.

One drum, restates Black Rat.

Blue Monkey knows that pots and pans can make amazing music. But maybe Black Rat is right. Maybe she IS an artist and not a musician. It really doesn't matter, because Blue Monkey cares greatly about Black Rat and would never be in a band without her.

After some debate, Blue Monkey agrees with Black Rat and suggests that they contemplate business plans as they fish.

So Miss Applesauce Pants, Black Rat and Blue Monkey gather their fishing poles to return to Blue Monkey's declared feud on the Chinese Fish.

Now feuding with a fish takes strategy. Part of the strategy for this war has been experimenting with which bait is best. First Blue Monkey tried corn. Corn was how the feud began. Next was hot-dogs. Black Monkey thought hot-dogs would do the trick. But Blue Monkey was SO BUSY that week..that all the fish were scared away. Miss Applesauce agreed to bring worms.

But first all the worms had to be named. And you can't feed worms with names to fish.

No! Not that one! Blue Monkey would cry. That is wormy.

Not that one either! would join Black Rat. That is princess.

Black Rat likes princesses. Despite the fact that Black Rat chooses names like Black Rat and loves what she refers to as scary, horror, art. Black Rat likes to wear cute little matching outfits with jewel covered flip-flops. She also loves princesses and unicorns. Black Rat is spending some time this year discovering who she is.

And once Black Rat starts talking about princesses, well, there is no way we can put a hook in a princess. Blue Monkey quickly realizes that this could become a problem.

Here take this one. He tells Miss Applesauce Pants. It's Blackworm the Pirate. And then the calamity begins.

As Blue Monkey is renaming the worms, his pole starts to come apart. Miss Applesauce Pants! he cries.

Miss Applesauce pants tries to help. She really does. But then she slides down the boulder and catches a tree trunk with her foot to keep from falling into the fishing hole.

SSHH!! hiss Black Rat and Blue Monkey in unison.

Miss Applesauce pants tries to put the pole back together, when she feels a pull. No way. It is the fish. Miss Applesauce Pants tugs on the line as hard as she can. Blue Monkey holds onto Miss Applesauce Pants. Black Rat holds onto Blue Monkey.

The fish gets away with the worm. This goes on for 3 more worms. Miss Applesauce Pants, Black Rat and Blue Monkey say goodbye to Wild Worm Hickock, Buffalo Worm and Queen Elizaworm.

It is agreed that worms are the way to go. But once the fish has finished feasting, the river becomes very quiet again.

I'm hungry, says Blue Monkey. Blue Monkey is always hungry. Miss Applesauce Pants and Black Rat tell him to wait 10 more minutes. And during this 10 minutes Blue Monkey begins to think.

Hey. Where did these worms come from?

The store. Says Miss Applesauce Pants.

You mean you bought them?

Well yes. says Miss Applesauce Pants. People collect and sell worms to the ice-house. I buy them from the ice house. You know..people have worm farms and everything.

Miss Applesauce launches off on a boring list of things worms can be used for.

Blue Monkey does not hear.

You mean we could sell worms? asks Blue Monkey. Black Rat looks on with interest.

Oh dear, thinks Miss Applesauce Pants. She remembers harvesting worms with her own 3 GROWN BOYS, when they were young.

Uhmm..yes? she responds meekly.

And so Miss Applesauce Pants, Blue Monkey and Black Rat return home to eat their pizza and create a worm farm. Because a worm farm? Will buy the instruments for the band!

Can You Hear A Walnut?

2011-08-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

It has been a bit busy around here.

For starters Brian had his 21st birthday!!! And in true Brian form..he chose to come home and hang with his family. I mean..how many 21 year olds..come hang out at Ranch Rugrat to play Chinese Checkers for their 21st birthdays? He was thrilled..I tell you...absolutely graciously thrilled. Gotta love the boy!

and now Brian is starting his graduate school journey...with rumours that his summer job has been extended through the Fall.

Here are Brian, Cody and Austen on his birthday. They all know this will be the last time they are all together for a while. And? I think Cody and Austen were glad Brian came home!

...and here is Cody with Little Man C..having a staring contest.

I wanted to add this, since Cody has left this little home of ours for HIS OWN PLACE!!!!

Cody moved into his dorm last weekend. Here he is with Dad, Austen and Grandpa a few seconds after walking into his new home away from home. He is thrilled I had him pose..you can tell by the puffed out cheeks.

We spent most of the morning getting the kid moved in. I was worried about things like..you know..clothes and cleaning supplies. But Cody? He had his priorities.

...and here is Big B "testing" Cody's new bed. All this moving his sons out of the house? Exhausting.

.....We return home. As Brian and Cody settle in for a year of study.

And then Austen is left with us! Austen has been doing his own thing for quite a while now. So this year is no different. We decided to post-pone community college for a semester.

Austen is going to focus on earning some money for summer travel, studying French, LOTS OF MATH and...capoeira. Here is Austen at Capoeira.

And as the TALL Boys learn their own life lessons..I am learning a few things from the creatures (see monkey, wolf and tiny people below) here at Rancho Rugrat.

Lessons Learned

1. The importance of a sense of humor.

2. I make a lousy Chewbacca. In order to make the proper Chewbacca noise..one must gather the proper amount of spit in the back of one's throat. I do not gather my spit right.

3. I remind most children 11 and under of their grandma. When? I wonder..did THIS happen???

4. The continued importance of a sense of humor.

5. When feeding deer left-over lunch from the deck..it is important to throw food away from the big circular thing with water in the yard. Otherwise? One may be retrieving burritoes from the pool.

6. If you spend an afternoon explaining to an 11 year old that saying Eeww gross..everytime a baby walks near her..a baby will then throw up on you..and you will say Eeww Gross!

7. When a baby is really sick..everyone will pull together and even try to make the baby chicken noodle soup.

8. Most children like to hear stories, to tell stories..and to snuggle on the couch and look at books. A Lot. Box-Car Children books are interesting for a wide range of personalities in the "little taller people" crowd.

9. Even if there is a heat-advisory..it important to get outside..even if only for 10 minutes..so that 6 year old boys can be ninjas in the woods. If not, they will be ninjas in the house. Ninjas in the house can cause much destruction.

And finally the most important lesson of all..............

10. How to listen to a walnut....

When 6 year old ninja says...Listen..Can you hear the walnut? and shakes a walnut next to your ear. If you sit still and listen quietly, you will..indeed... hear the walnut.

And taking the time to listen to a walnut...is what it's all about. Even when your BIG TALL BOYS are leaving for college.

Blue Monkey Tells a Tale

2011-08-19T05:45:00.000-07:00

Alas it is true.

After 2 short weeks of a dynamic existence. Miss Applesauce Pants and the Exploding Diaper Band has (ahem) disbanded.

It appears that Black Rat feels her gifts are in other areas. She is choosing to spend most of her time focusing on scary art. Blue Monkey does not feel we can continue without her. So..for now..The Band is busy with other things.

As I stated in the last post..one of the things Miss Applesauce Pants and the Exploding Diaper Band does regularly is go for Nature Walks. Now..these are not your ordinary Nature Walks. Why? Because in addition to discovering all sorts of natural treasures we are on a quest. A quest to find a chupacabra...and that is the underlying theme of ALL our nature walks.

And so it came to be that one morning this past week..after a very long and unsuccessful chupacabra hunt, Blue Monkey pulled out an apple to share with the entire band..and said we could have a seat. He then told us a fishing tale.

You see..it started like this, Blue Monkey tells the diaper band (because they are always a good audience). Last Friday..when you guys were not here..Miss Applesauce Pants, Black Rat and I went fishing.

We fished for a v-e-r-y...l-o-n-g...t-i-m-e. Black Rat got some ant bites and caught a few sticks. We were not having much luck..when Black Rat found it..The GOLDEN HOOK. So I took off my man-made hook (a piece of wire) and put on THE GOLDEN HOOK...and do you know what?

I got a bite...a pull..a HUGE..oh no. Miss Applesauce Pants..help me..I cried..Miss Applesauce Pants held onto the back of my shirt while I started being pulled into the water..and then it happened. My line snapped.

Miss Applesauce Pants says sometimes that happens. And then I saw it..a Big Chinese Fish came out from under the rock. Miss Applesauce Pants says she thinks it's a catfish. She is wrong. Do you know how I know? This one has Big Whiskers..so it is a Chinese Fish. I think people in China really like to eat them. I've never tried it, though.

Black Rat and I decided to declare war on the Chinese Fish. After all..it stole THE GOLDEN HOOK. We tried and tried again..but the Chinese Fish kept sending out it's warriors..the alligator gar . Two of them..actually..but finally it sent the ants. The ants invaded..and we had to retreat.

But just wait. Because next Friday? We are going back. And this time?

We are gonna...

Catch. That. Fish.

Miss Applesauce Pants and the Exploding Diaper Band

2011-08-12T16:17:00.000-07:00

Rugrat Ranch has started earlier than expected.

We are letting the kids dribble in slowly..week by week. This week we started with our Elementary Aged crew. One incredibly enthusiastic and energetic 6 year old boy along with his more timid, but imaginative 11 year old sister. And, of course, Bug.

We start with a basic rhythm...not much different than what we have been doing all summer. We decide to spend some time creating art-journals and playing lots of Chinese Checkers and Dominoes to get to know eachother better.

..and part of our rhythm is Nature Walks..and so it begins.
.
I think we need woodland names..says 6 year old boy. I am blue monkey

We all agree that is the perfect name for him.

What about you?? Who are you? Blue Monkey asks his sister. She is exasperated. She has been busy following deer tracks and looking for the perfect hiking stick. Blue Monkey keeps running over her tracks. She takes a deep breath to calm herself..and raises one eyebrow.

I think I'll be a rat..you can call me Black Rat!..and if you don't monkey yourself over there....(points to Pecan Grove) well then Bug and I are going to eradicate you.

And no..Bug is actually not going to eradicate Blue Monkey. He is in the Moby Wrap grabbing leaves from low hanging limbs and saying "I the Baby!!" and then showing off his latest spitting noise to Black Rat.

Blue Monkey is not deterred. How about Miss Nicole? What are we going to call Miss Nicole?..but then we see a turtle..and the concern for my name is quickly forgotten.

A few days later we have house-guests. So we add Hurricane J (3) and Little Man C (8 months) to the mix. (Their parents are nearby) And then on Wednesday we add Miss A (3 years) and Mr. A (11 months) to the mix..and my! oh my!

This is a group with some personality. Good thing, we like lots of personality.

The kids had started some spinach and bean soup. It is not finished in time for lunch. We agree to have the soup for a snack later. I make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a side of applesauce.

We decide to have a picnic on the deck. Miss A, Blue Monkey and Black Rat find a "Big Kids Table".

I am politely requested to "Please sit with the babies.." "The Babies' meaning..Bug and Mr. A.

And so I do..where I supervise food throwing, and help feed applesauce into open mouths. Because Bug and Mr. A were having way too-much fun splashing the applesauce.

The kids finish lunch, wash up and head to the sand-box. We seem to be missing a plate. I decide it must be in the dishwasher already. I grab my sandwich and have a seat..right on a plate of apple-sauce! I found the missing plate?

Nothing escapes Blue Monkey. He spies this and yells from the sandbox. That's it! Miss Nicole's woodland name is now Miss Applesauce Pants! The kids all agree. They are quite pleased with my new name..and so I become Miss Applesauce Pants.

On Thursday, we are back to just Blue Monkey, Black Rat, Bug and Me. You know, Miss Applesauce Pants. On Thursday afternoons we are "doing music".

Blue Monkey wants to play the fiddle. I teach him how to use the bow and play open strings. He learns the names of the strings and practices.

Black Rat would prefer piano Thank you very much. So we find middle C and learn the notes C-G..all over the keyboard. She practices playing with a basic hand position.

Well how about you Miss Applesauce? (Blue Monkey has decided to spare me the "pants" part today). Aren't you joining our band? I mean really..don't you know how to play anything?

I just happen to have a new, awesome, guitar. A completely unexpected gift from one of the Kairos musicians.

I play The Nursery Rhyme Song..with Blue Monkey playing open strings..and Black Rat playing her new learned notes in various random order as she mumbles the names of the keys under her breath.

We sound GREAT! says Blue Monkey.

Black Rat agrees we have promise..but we have to practice a lot...and what are the babies going to do? Blue Monkey and Black Rat mull over this and agree that the babies can be our percussion section and the dancers (for Bug and Mr. A? LIKE TO DANCE)

But we need a name...proclaim Blue Monkey and Black Rat in unison..After a quick Jinx game..they debate weather we should be called "The Sharks" or "The Resident (from Resident Evil) Princess"

I excuse myself to change Bug's diaper.

That's IT!!! Exclaims Blue Monkey. ( and yes..I am beginning to get leary of Blue Monkey's exclamations) We are....(drumroll please)..

Black Rat bangs on the toy drum...

Miss Applesauce Pants and the Exploding Diaper Band!!!

Black Rat can't quit laughing. It's perfect..she laughs between breaths.

Bug claps his hand.

It is unanimous.

I am now a proud member of Miss Applesauce Pants and the Exploding Diaper Band.

(Tune in next time for Miss Applesauce Pants and the Exploding Diaper Band Go Fishing)

Bubble Invaders...

2011-08-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

Cody and his girlfriend Ellie had there Ungraduation/Getting the Heck Outta' Here party this past Friday night. Neither one of them wanted to participate in any sort-of formal graduation. They didn't want any big party.

You have to do something!!! I kept telling them last May. I was determined. Something to acknowledge that they were moving on. Something to say..Hey..we are really proud of you. Something..to mark this transition in their lives.

Finally one evening Ellie looks at me from the couch..as I ask again..Isn't there something you guys want to do??? Cody continues to stare at me with that well worn my mother is an alien look. Ellie sighs. She knows this is inevitable. Her mother and I both need some closure.

Can't we just go out to eat or something?

So it is done. Ellie's mom (over at sardines in a can) and I settle on a date in August. Sardine mama creates Ungraduation/getting the heck out of here invites.. and last Friday. We say goodbye and hangout at The Cove.

The Cove is in San Antonio. We are not. I get the pleasure of squishing Cody and crew in my car for probably the last time. "The Crew" being what I like to refer to as "the bubble invaders". It will be a long time before these guys are together again. I soak it for all it is worth. I take pictures along the way.

Cody is a boy who is extremely loyal to his friends..but he can go days, weeks even...just by himself. He starts a project and hyper-focuses. Often he will tell us how cost INefficient something is..and then we say..yes Cody..but the human factor is there. We will make the trip not for the groceries..but to see x, y or z person. Because they would LIKE to see you.

Hence the need for the self-proclaimed Bubble Invaders. Now please don't get me wrong. Cody actually enjoys The Human Factor. It is just occasionally necessary for our Bubble Invaders to help him make the transition.

Was it necessary for these guys to bubble invade Cody for his send-off. They seemed to think so.

First we start with Austen. Austen has cut his summer at Girl Scout camp a day early, to return for Cody's send off. I don't think he has quite registered he is back for good, yet.

Here we pick up Mason. Mason has just driven from the coast to meet us in a grocery store parking lot just in time for Cody's sendoff.

We pick up Justin. Hey.. says Justin..I need to go to the bank. Once at the bank Oh..says Cody..I'll be back. He runs inside.

Justin has a bloody nose and chooses to have pictures taken with a kleenex sticking out of his nose. I might blog this.. I warn him. Justin smiles his Justin smile and says. Okay. Come on Cody..you gotta pose with us..we might not get to squish with you like this again. (Justin has squished with us many times.)

Cody is bemused. He jumps in the front seat. Come on guys..says Justin..lets get in Cody's bubble...and hence the bubble invading begins.

The boys pile around Cody. I love these boys..and I wonder...will Cody have anyone to Invade the Bubble (as the boys like to say) when he is gone?

I am grateful for the friends that invade Cody's bubble. Cody has other things to tell them.

After a few errands and stops. One of the stops is at the post-office where Cody receives his first book for school. Plato's Republic. Perfect.

I make one last stop at Hobby Lobby to pick up modeling clay and paint brushes for Rancho Rugrat. The Bubble Invaders seem to be doing their job. Here they hang out and pose at a table for sale..while waiting for me to finish.

Cody chooses to hide behind the flowers...

We arrive at the Cove.

We have an enjoyable evening..even if it is 104 on the patio area we reserved..once the sun goes down..it is pleasant, even. Several families come to show their support of Cody and Ellie.

I am reminded, once again, of how lucky we are to have this sort of support system. I wonder again..who will Cody let into his bubble? Will he be lucky enough to have bubble invaders in his new home?

I sure hope so.

3 Weeks Already?..

2011-07-29T08:43:00.000-07:00

So much for keeping up with the blog! Life has been rolling along here at shaggyboystown.

When I first started this blog, I called it shaggyboys because my then, younger boys..had such long, shaggy, in their eyes, hair. The boys have grown. They no longer aspire to look like Jedi Knights and Pokemon characters. One even wears business casual to work with his short hair and everything. My..that happened fast!

I also started this blog after the death of a dear friend. My friend Leticia lived life fully. She never did anything extravagant. She could blend into a crowd fairly well. But she had a laugh that was contagious, a strong sense of compassion for all who came into her world, and loved her family with such ferocity...it was humbling. Leticia knew her life would be short..and she treasured every moment of it. Good and Bad. She was (and still is) well loved. She enjoyed living.

So when I am asked what I blog about, I have no real answer. Other than...you know..just day-to-day life. Because it is this day-to-day stuff that makes us who we are. Not the high points..or the low points. Just the small stuff.

What is some of the living that has filled our days?

First I would like you to meet my Uncle Yates and Aunt Nancy. They are part of my North Carolina family. My Aunt and Uncle came to visit. It was nice to see them. They hung out a lot at the River Walk, visited some of the small Hill Country towns..and spent an afternoon with us.

But let me set the tone as to just how generous this visit was. We had hoped that they could come out for a day..do some tubing, play in the river...hang out in town, and we would end with a Cajun Crab Boil. Yup. That was the plan. But then we had this drought thing happen. So river? Hmm..we have a puddle? Then of course is that heat we keep talking about.

Last week Eric (Mr. Eric is a friend who is currently living in our tree-house and helping me get our house in order for day-care) and I were sitting on the deck. We were like hey..do you feel that breeze? Did it cool off? It feels kinda nice...and then we looked at the thermostat.

What can I say? We have acclimated?

So no River Play..extreme heat...and wouldn't you know it? The town was almost empty. Almost unheard of on a weekend in The Cowboy Capital of the World. But regardless, here are Yates and Nancy in front of the General Store. Why? Because they wanted to prove to a friend they were in Bandera!

My Uncle took some other pictures while they were here. Since he is a much better photographer than me..thought I would share.

Horses in town, cooling off in the shade

A few longhorns looking for anything green

We return home to just hang out. Here are Uncle Yates and Levi.

We enjoy, yet another, Cajun Crab Boil. What can I say? We like Cajun food around here.

During the past few weeks..we also celebrate my sister's "pinning" . She has completed her nursing program. Now she studies for (drum roll please) THE BIG TEST....

It is time to prepare for the next Kairos weekend at one of the local prisons. I spend time helping prepare for team-buildings, etc.

We continue to pick away at what needs to be done to legalise what my friend Jack refers to as Rancho Rugrat.

The co-op parents and I finalise curriculum plans for the motley highschool crew. We agree on TRISMS revolutionary studies along with an eclectic mix of stuff for Marine Biology and Stack the Deck writing program

We squeeze in a pretty invasive (but pleasantly successful so far) eye surgery for another family member. I continue to pick away at this afghan for Cody. Have I mentioned before I do not know how to crochet??? Well...7 months into it and I am no better.

Similar to my friend Leticia who triggered my desire to blog. I have a dear friend who has recently chosen to admit herself into hospice care. I first met Pat at my Women and Spirituality..turned Book Club..that sometimes forgets to read..Club. Our women and spirituality.. turned book club..that sometimes forgets to read club meet by Pat's bed in the hospital. If she is too tired we meet in the waiting room. As usual, we laugh, we ponder, we cry.

We help finalise funeral plans. I meet with the local funeral home to help make arrangements for Pat's funeral. Pat is very clear about how she wants to leave this earth..and we are trying our best to honor her wishes.

In the midst of all, our family celebrates Big B's birthday with ice-cream cake!

This evening Big B and I are going out for our 21st anniversary. Our anniversary is actually not until Sunday..but today? We can enjoy ourselves and not feel like we are ignoring work that needs to be done. Quite sad..don't you think?

We are doing our annual thing. Spending all our restaurant gift-cards in one evening..and ending with appetisers at Chilli's.

We bought ourselves some used chain-link fence..complete with all the hardware. We are spending our anniversary weekend putting up fence posts! Now that? That is day-to-day living.

Of Tots and Teens...

2011-07-05T19:34:00.000-07:00

We have spent the past couple of weeks slowly revamping the house to prepare for a small handful of tots (think infant, toddler tots) in the Fall. As we create "tot space" we are simultaneously keeping space aside for the teens in our tiny little homeschool co-op.

It is crazy, really. This need to provide separate spaces...knowing full well..that tots and teens do, and will, mingle.

We are off to a slow start on the revamping process. Our back deck needed a lot of work. But it is done!!!! We now have one large tot-safe back deck complete with 3 locking gates. One of these gates will open into...deck #2. Deck #2..which will lead to the pool (also with another gate). Deck #2 is the official teen deck. It is not built yet.

But this separation of tots and teens is not limited to the deck. Dining? Oh..how about the dining room table for the teens, the kitchen for the tots? Inside space? Tots can hang in the living room, kitchen and morning room. Teens? The den and dining room. Bathrooms? Tots in the hall bathroom. Teens in our master bathroom. Outdoor space? Tots in the enclosed part of the yard (still needs to be enclosed, by the way) Teens to the open part of the yard, pool or tree-house.

It seems so unnatural to create space in our home this way. Yet I understand the legalities of why...and I know full well..that on Monday mornings (when co-op meets) Tots and teens together will be in our kitchen/dining room to grab muffins, play with eachother and live life as it should be. Even if only for a brief moment before the craziness of the day kicks in.

But hey..both the little people and the big people do have official spaces to call their own now. Cody and Levi both seem to think this is a good thing.But for a homeschooling mom that often resisted a separate space for the kids learning to happen, this is a pretty big step.

In theory anyway, while the teens are editing eachothers essays in the dining room? The tots can play outside on the deck. While the teens discuss revolutions in the den, the tots can parallel play in the living room.

But all this separation nonsense aside, they are too much alike, these tots and teens. I mean let's face it. While tots (or tot as the case may be) pretends the flyswatter is a vacum cleaner? (we have an unused fly-swatter ..I promise) A teen vacums. While the tot pretends to cook a teen actually cooks. While a tot decorates himself with a marker, the teens decorate eachother with the same marker.

And then of course is food. Toddlers and teens actually have similar diets. Fruit, muffins, oatmeal, popsicles, cheese, etc. But diet and behaviour are just the surface similarities.

It's the inside stuff that really intrigues me. Little ones learn to share. You know, real basic share your toy kinda stuff. The teens? Are learning to share ideas, thoughts, feelings. Just as the tots are learning to communicate verbally, the teens are learning to communicate through the written word.

But most important of all is the art of nurturing that is being absorbed. Babies are held and nurtured. Toddlers are held and nurtured. Teens are listened to and nurtured.

In imitation of this nurturing the tots practice by nurturing a doll, a stuffed bear, etc. Even if only for a few moments before running over said bear with a truck. But the teens! The teens not only nurture the tots..they hold each other in that sacred space of listening. The teens I know see themselves and others as beings worthy of their time and attention. Even if, sometimes especially if, they disagree. And that valuing of others is something we, as middle aged adults, sometimes forget how to do.

So as the tots and teens in my house spend the summer laughing, crying, playing with swords, listening to music and sleeping...sleeping....sleeping.... Big B and I continue to plug along at home remodeling.

You know..so we can all-tots, teens and adults- share a muffin together.

Still June

2011-06-29T08:35:00.000-07:00

It is hot. Like abnormal even for South Texas hot. We have been in the triple digits for a couple of weeks now. The county (along with numerous other counties) has been declared a disaster due to drought/fire conditions.The electric company asks that we lower our power usage (turn up ac temps, etc.) during the peak hours to avoid power outages because it is TOO HOT. We are no longer swimming in the river. It is too stagnant. We swim only early morning or in the evening. Too hot to be outside. It is still June.

So...we develop new things to do. Inside. I suppose this is what happens during snowy season in colder climates. That is the rumor anyway. Personally? I have never lived anywhere cold enough to be homebound. But home-bound for heat..we have visited a time or two before. Just not so early in the summer.

This morning Bug and I make soup and bread. Cody awakes and steps over our small toddler table. Our table surrounded by a lovely bean (from the soup) and flour (from the bread) explosion.

What he asks..is this?

Dinner. I respond. Cody looks at Bug covered in flour and dough. Don't worry...I separated his dough from the rest. Cody still looks sceptical. The bread that is rising is safe. He grunts in reply before he finishes making his breakfast.

I join Cody at the other table - the bigger people table- as Bug pushes a tricycle across the kitchen floor. I am savoring this time with Cody. He is leaving soon. August 20th, to be exact.

This past weekend Big B, Cody and I attended the parent/student orientation at Schreiner. Payment plans are finalised, health forms complete, etc. He is now officially enrolled. Cody even has his Fall classes and is now figuring out which text-books to rent, buy or e-book. All Cody has left to wait for (other than actual move-in) is his room-mate assignment. He will know in early August.

I remind myself it is still June.

You know says Cody you really should get him a walker.

I have images of Cody at Bug's age. Pushing a big wheel..a big wheel with a bucket on back where he would stash all his treasures. Treasure mostly being rocks and cheerios. No walker.

I watch Bug (still decorated in flour) pushing the trike over a shoe. A size 13 gigantic shoe - must be Austen's. Bug stoops down and places the shoe in the bucket. The bucket filled with beans.

I look at the young man in front of me. Cody is now washing his dishes before leaving for work. Cody says again...walker??

I look at the two of them...Bug with the beans in his trike. Cody heading out the door.

No. I respond. He will be just fine. See ya' for dinner?

Cody nods his head and says See ya' tonight.

I am grateful it is still June.

My Little Sabbatical Over?

2011-06-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

It has been a little over a year since I quit working at the Boys and Girls Club. It was a year I had set aside to discern, breathe, discern, study, discern..rest. A sabbatical of sorts. You know.. the unpaid kind.

I had thought, when I started this little breather, that I would use this time of discernment to finish the parish ministry program and choose a path. Either running a non-profit or pursuing parish ministry. In the end, I have done neither.

Life has a funny way of working out. We have had the addition of a few nephews and grand-nephews to our extended family. Some need occasional-or more than occasional- care.I enjoy being an aunt! I have 2 young men who are starting new educational paths..one in graduate school at a large state university, one his undergrad at a small liberal arts college. I have one older teen left at home who will soon be taking classes at a jr. college part-time while simultaneously finishing high-school at home. We have built a garage attached to our home. It always has cars being repaired. These are the obvious changes..then are the not-so-obvious.

I remembered how much I really enjoy the daily craziness of home-life. I am reluctant to give that up. I stumbled into some volunteer work for the chapel of a local prison. I LOVE this! I am not willing to give that up. Our Monday night community dining has continued to grow and be a cornerstone in our week. I am not willing to give that up. I have had to acknowledge that I really like having a houseful of children. Young and old.

These are a few of the things I have discovered (or rediscovered) about myself in the past year. The biggest thing though..is I have discovered I am just not a cool and glamorous person. That no matter what career path or life direction I choose...I'm not going to be one of those ultra-pulled-together career women. I admire that pulled together, business-like quality in many of my friends. I really do. But it's Just. Not. Me.

I have also discovered who I am. I AM a woman who enjoys living. Who enjoys people, music, art and time for reflection. A bit of a tom-boy at times..who cares deeply for others.I have a vivid imagination, and enjoy the creative process. I love watching that aha moment when children are discovering something. I enjoy play.

So I look at who I am..and say..Now what do you do with that? What sort-of life do you carve from here..that allows you to live the life you really want? A life of family, friends, children and prison-ministry.

So after much discussion with la familia we have decided to open a registered family home care center out of our home. This is not as impulsive of a decision as it may seem. This allows us to continue all the things in life we enjoy. As well as share the craziness of home-life with others.

We chose registered care over licensed care because I do not want to get in over my head with too many children. Registered keeps us legally bound to a smaller number of children..and allows us to keep the feel of a family center vs. just a center. Keeps it more organic, so to speak. This is a decision that allows us all to continue to grow and learn and have a little fun.

That said. This is no easy feat. Because..well we have a pool in our backyard, huge barbecue set-up, chickens, a working garage, and a handful of homeschool teens expecting to be around this Fall. We must carefully remodel our indoor and outdoor living conditions to make sure we have enough square footage for everyone.

Having the homeschool co-op on Monday mornings is one of the trickier parts of this whole ordeal. We run background checks on all the homeschoolers. Luckily this is more your milk and cookie group of kids. Hmm..they probably wouldn't appreciate that. This is more your Italian ice and a biscotti group of kids. Also? A pretty easy-going group of teens.

We make sure we have separate space for them on Monday mornings. Rule #1..No shared space for groups. (sigh) So to the den (and deck and unfenced parts of our yard) for the teens! Lucky for me this group is pretty laid back.

I take some classes, have home-inspections..maybe a fire-marshal visit, etc. You know.. to allow life to go on.

It is a bit of a hassle, but it keeps every one safe and legal. I am spending much time with the child-care licensing office to make sure I am keeping things legit. And I have to say..the woman at child-care licensing is infinitely patient with me as I stumble through this set-up/ get legal process.

This whole experience is reminding me just how many rules we have here in the West for EVERYTHING!!! Just a few weeks ago Austen and I were killing time at the neurologist office when he looks at me and in a very serious voice says, You know Mom, for a free country, we sure have an awful lot of rules. Between everyone's fear of lawsuits and every law written what exactly are we free to do? What does freedom mean? Really?

Of course..this led to discussions on living in rule-bound societies, the privileges and freedoms we do have, etc. And like I mentioned a few posts ago..since we were in the office for 5 hours we had time for a fairly lengthy discussion.

Austen's commentary has run through my mind many times in the past few weeks. But still. If following a zillion rules is what it takes to create a more natural and free-flowing home environment. Then we (ahem) learn the rules.

So for all practical purposes..my little sabbatical has come to a close. We hope to open the doors for Casa de Amigos mid-August. Only time will tell if we are so lucky!

Summer Begins (in Pics)

2011-06-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

It is the beginning of summer. We are creating new rhythms-yet again. The boys work, work, work, and play Catan. Here are Brian, Cody and Austen (without the dreads), playing their 4th game in less than 24 hours.

This leaves me and Bug to create our own summer routine..and the kid needs his routine! He is quick to let us know if we miss something..so we start with play of course! Bug plays until I have a cup of coffee.

Then? Breakfast on the deck before we hit the sand

Which is usually followed by a nature walk, lunch and then..to the RIVER!!!

This, of course would be followed by a much needed nap! Then?

We clean.....

and do laundry......

and SWIM AGAIN!!!!

This time we just hit the pool in the backyard. Sometimes one of the boys will join us. They are way-more-fun than Aunt Nicole. But no matter who swims in the afternoon..the afternoon swim is not complete without

one popsicle to be dripped all over the mushroom house. The awesome mushroom house which now has a huge hole busted through the side of it. Why? Because according to Levi..it seemed to need one more exit.

Then we are back to..more play!

And of course dinner would not be complete without help. Here Bug is helping Uncle Brian in the kitchen.

It is true..I usually interrupt the little man's cooking ventures when the whining sets in. Then it is time for a bath, p.j.'s and finally...

dinner with the family.

Our day, our week..and quickly turning into our summer..to be followed on the weekend with the older kids.

and more Catan!!!

Judgement Vs. Discernment

2011-06-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

I have been dwelling on the idea of judgement quite a bit lately.

It started as I was attending a recent Kairos weekend...and later just plain old worship at the prison. I watch these offenders, many of whom are from rival gangs, come together. They put aside their judgements and biases..and form a community together. It occurs to me, that if they can put aside these differences and celebrate eachother for who they are. Then surely, surely, I can put aside my own biases, and quit trying to lump people into some category or another. You know.."republican, conservative, religious right, etc.".

I REALLY need to stop that.

Then? We have an issue with Austen and working at Girl Scout camp.Austen is hoping to travel to Australia next summer and needs to work to help pay for the trip. He was hired to lifeguard..and needed a physical for camp.

But nothing in Austen's life is ever that easy. You know says the P.A. who is filling camp form, What does your neurologist say about you lifeguarding? Does he know?

Absolutely! responds Austen. I've life-guarded for the past two summers...and I've been seizure free for over 3 years now.

She continues the physical and says..You are healthy!..but I just can't release you to life-guard. Have your neurologist fax a letter. It's been less than 5 years...I'm not comfortable with you lifeguarding. We need to make sure you and the girls are safe.

Austen looked stunned. Then smiled and said Well thankyou. (put out his hand to shake hers)I'm sure he will.

So the next day we call the neurologist. You know..says the office head I think he should come in for an appointment before he goes.

So she squeezes him in on Monday. The day he is supposed to start training for the summer.We call the camp director to let her know what is happening. She tells us not to worry. Just get there as soon as we can, and call her if he doesn't get cleared.

I spend a couple days worrying about Austen. Austen and I realize that this is a liability issue. It is possible he won't be cleared. We agree to hope for the best. To pack his bags as if he is going and if he doesn't get cleared, come home, unpack and call the director. I start wondering if going to Australia will also be a problem. I can't, after all, control other peoples fears and concerns. I have enough trouble with my own.

Austen, however, is much stronger than I give him credit for. He has already thought it through. Don't worry mom...it's not your fault.

Not yours either kiddo.

I've been thinking ,says Austen, If I can't work at camp..then I think I'll work at Flying L. I'm pretty sure they will re-hire me...and if I do get to go to Australia (so he too has thought about this possibility) then when I get back I'd like to start Brazillian capoeira. (in other words..if I can't I'm working on a back-up plan to enjoy my life)

And then we go to the neurologist office. I'm not going to blog about how we spent 5 hours in the waiting room. Along with all the other patients from Texas, Mexico, Arkansas, Oklahoma and Louisiana. But the truth is, when you spend a day with other families, you start to talk. Everyone in the waiting room was intrigued by Austen's circumstances. He offered hope to those who are still struggling with seizures..yet he reminded everyone of the biases that will never go away in the lives of our children. The literal scarlet S these kids will always wear. Yet he was smiling, and pleasant and funny. He made the best of the situation.

When our visit was over a woman from the waiting room gave him a thumbs up with a questioning look? As I paid our co-pay, Austen returned her question with a big grin and two thumbs up..and then? I kid you not. The waiting room cheered! I cried.

So Austen is at camp. Hooray.

And I continue thinking about biases. Then a Buddhist-Christian yahoo group I belong to has this huge thread about judgement vs. discernment. We challenge eachother to go through ONE SINGLE DAY with no judgement. No.."look that guy is driving like an idiot." but rather discern "this is not safe." No Ugh why does my husband ALWAYS complain?" but "oh..yeah..he complains a lot." etc.

It is a subtle but huge difference. I am discovering that going from judgement to discernment is trickier than it may first appear. But when I can do it? I feel physically lighter. Honest.

Then today, I see this thread http://rachelheldevans.com/litmus-tests on facebook. An article on litmus test for Christians.

I realize that this applies to me as well. That while I am quick to recognise biases and prejudices in others..I too..have categorized what I deem appropriate for Christian behavior..and what is not.

So, for now, I continue trying to fine tune my own understanding of judgement vs. discernment. I suspect it will be a life-long process.

Ramblings on a Saturday Morning

2011-06-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

I have come to treasure my Saturdays. Especially? The mornings. Other than an occasional Saturday here and there..Saturday mornings are when I have the house to myself!!!

Bug is usually with my sister on Saturdays. Big B and the boys are usually at Pick-N-Pull. Pick-N-Pull being car-part Heaven. It is a HUGE scavenge yard with every car imaginable. Inevitably, Brian and at least one of the boys spend the morning climbing and digging through cars. They find various treasures for whatever cars they are currently fixing. Whatever boy is not bonding with dad in car-part nirvana..is usually at a friends house.

Today is no different. Cody and Big B are at Pick-n-Pull. Austen is at Justin's house. And me? I am piddling around the house. There are two specific things I love to do when I have the house to myself. One is clean! (Yet another reason the rest of the crew scatters on Saturday a.m.'s..no doubt)

It always amazes me just how much chaos one family can create in a house in the span of a week. Not even a whole week, really. Because most Mondays? I have the boys clean bathrooms, vacum, etc. as we get ready for community dining. So the chaos we create is in a 5 day period. But what I like..is what I discover about my family as I clean.

For instance..I can tell you Austen and Cody's favorite clothes. Why? Because they are the piles of laundry NOT left in the living room. Everyone does their own laundry around here. (Levi not included). But somehow by about mid-afternoon on Wednesday..we have clothes hanging from hangers on the mantle of the fire-place, a folded pile of Austen's clothes on the back of the couch. A folded pile of Cody's clothes on the back of a chair. Until I move these piles of clothes to the boys' rooms on Saturday, they remain planted in our living-room turned closet. Except of course, the favourite clothes. I find it odd that only favourite clothes are either being worn or have been placed in bedrooms..safe from Levi's reach.

Then of course are the towels and napkins. We always have a stack of napkins being placed on or near the piano because..well..we use cloth napkins and have to wash them a lot. This stack reminds me that we eat well and often. I begin to realize how lucky we are.

Next would be the stack of towels. There is always a stack of towels. Why? Because we have a river and a pool in our back-yard. Both are used frequently. Once again..I am reminded of how lucky we are.

Finally..we have the clues to what La Familia is doing for fun. For instance, this morning I spent quite a bit of time putting books back in the book-shelf. Not the books the older boys are reading..because those stay next to the boys' beds..usually. Rather, I find the trail of books left by Levi. I realise he has favourites. Not the children's books that we have in a basket on the floor for him. True there are a few books he likes to chew on..and a few he will bring to you to be read...but mostly? The book basket is for Levi to climb into. You know..so he can sit in the basket and hide his really treasured toys, specifically his Fisher Price Little People Toilet and a Winnie the Pooh that is also perfect for chewing.Oh and a cookie crumb trail. When did he eat cookies in the basket? I follow the cookie-crumb trail to the other pile of books. The pile he repeatedly pulls of the bookshelf.

What I discover by replacing the books that have been strewn and dragged down the hallway. Is that the books Levi really likes (because they are always the same ones) Levi is drawn to the Harry Potter and Eragon series..along with some art books on Monet and Degas. Well hey. At least the kid has good taste.

I find myself really enjoying this time as I pick up after the kids..to discover things I don't normally take the time to notice. Does this mean I like to clean? NO WAY, but I find myself taking a really twisted sort-of pleasure in this lately. Like I am slowly unraveling clues to the inner workings of our family life. But mostly, I just feel lucky, I guess.

But best of all is when the house is picked up and I still know I have another hour or two to myself.Leading to my number two thing to do on Saturday mornings. I have been practising instruments during this time.

Once upon a time, I was a fairly decent violinist. If you were to compare violin playing to baseball playing, it would be safe so say I had reached the level of a minor-league player. A minor-league violinist. For a number of reasons (primarily my OCD tendencies with music) I put this aside when our family started growing. Playing only occasionally for special events or to teach lessons.

I am a good amateur pianist..and can fake guitar pretty well. I have at one time or another played french-horn, flute, cello, trumpet and a handful of other instruments.I was never great at these instruments. There is always a certain thrill in learning what creates different tones and playing with these tones when you are learning an instrument. A space for creativity within structure. No language to interfere. Pure acoustic beauty and opportunity. A chance to enter a zen space of sorts. But music is a gift I have not cultivated much in the past decade.

So on Saturdays I enjoy the freedom from interruptions to just play and practice music. I start with the violin. Mostly reviewing some classical music..and playing around with some Irish folk tunes and stuff. I have slowly been getting back in shape and starting to produce some decent tones again.

Then to piano. The piano is just plain fun. Lots of old Billy Joel, Rush, Journey and some occasional Chopin and Mozart.

I skip guitar because I practice guitar during the week and on Wednesday mornings with my friend, Jack. Although I occasionally spend some time on Saturdays trying to get used to bar-chords. I'm really bad at bar-chords. But I end with what I am worst at.

My latest musical venture has been to learn the trombone. When I try to practice during the week, everyone leaves for the garage except Levi. Levi cries. I am truly awful.

I don't know why..but I seem to be getting progressively worse every week. A few weeks ago, I could at least play 3 songs on the trombone. Last week, I couldn't even play a B flat scale. But I am determined. I will practice for a decade if I have to.I want to play until I can play the Flintstones on trombone.

Then..I will be content and leave it alone. So there it is. A ridiculous rambling about how I enjoy my Saturday mornings. And I am off.

The trombone awaits. It is my turn to catch my breath, so to speak. Even if I sound like a very sick elephant!

Life at High Speed...the Highlights!

2011-05-27T19:36:00.000-07:00

We have been without internet for a week. I was gone for a few days before that. While we have been unplugged, life has continued at high speed.

So here are a few highlights...

We are pleased to announce the graduations of Cody and Brian Bates. Cody has completed high-school. Brian has graduated from UTAustin. Yay for both boys. I think they are happy to be done.

Cody chose to skip any formal graduation. We will have a send off party for both Cody and Elle in August. Brian had his graduation this past weekend. We went to the one for the school of engineering. Dinner, graduation and tea.

Pictured are Austen, Brian and Angee in the parking garage just before the ceremony. I chose this pic for two reasons. One...I like the picture. Two..it is one of the last pictures I have of Austen with dreads.

The rumor is true. Austen has cut his dreads! It is just too darn hot. It is May. It feels like August. Austen wanted his hair-cut before he left for his new job this summer. Which leads to our next highlight.

All three boys have been HIRED!!!!

WooHoo.

It's official Austen is now a girl-scout. Okay. Maybe not. He is life-guarding at girl-scout camp for the summer.

Cody started working at the Boys and Girls Club last month. He just came back from a 4 day Club conference at South Padre. He is hanging with the kids outside, helping with a computer class and life-guarding for the summer.

Brian is working for ???? (I don't know the name of the company. Big B took the message and doesn't remember the important things) Brian is essentially doing technical reading/writing for the summer to help cover his tuition in the Fall. Yup..he is staying at UT for grad school. He is also volunteering part-time on a 3-D structure project that he is really excited about. Brian will be staying in Austin this summer for both jobs.

Now for the little guy. Levi Thomas Bug K is now ONE!!! He had three..yes three...birthday parties. We told him to enjoy it..he will never have that many birthday parties again. He celebrated on his actual birthday at my parents house. Again on Saturday at the center where my sister lives ...and finally we celebrated during community dining. We fixed his favorite foods. Asparagus soup and sweet potato casserole. Thank you Rhonda for the casserole. Aunt Sandy made cake. One for Levi...One for everyone else.

The past few weeks have been hectic. My family (dad, sister, nephews, son) has 5 birthdays in May. We had several graduations of family friends, a Kairos weekend and some refugee family support to attend to. All which we wanted to spend time with and enjoy. So having no internet, was kind-of a blessing in disguise.

Now are internet is back. We are plugged back in to high-speed connections..but I am the only one online.

Tonight we fixed pizzas for dinner. Brian and Angee are hanging out in San Antonio for the weekend. Cody and Elle are hanging out here. Austen is working with Big B to start fixing his car. (car-parts for his birthday..previous post) Me? I'm still trying to play the trombone, working on a paint-by-number and watching a Criminal Minds marathon. Levi is with my sister for the weekend. When he returns Bug and I will just hang-out in the sand-box, the kitchen and at the pool.

It is officially summer around here, but we are starting off nice and slow!

Happy Birthday Austen

2011-05-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Austen,

Today you turn 17. As I write this you are at the ranch blowing things up. Tonight we will celebrate over Dagwood sandwiches and ice-cream cake . But even with this low-key celebration. Your life has been quite the adventure.

Your sense of humour and spontaneity keep me young. Listening to you in the kitchen with your Floggin Molly voice as you fry eggs saying I have the luck of the Irish, the height of the Scottish and I get my good looks from the Italians is a pleasure. You bring a certain energy to our home. An energy I deeply appreciate. Yet all the silliness aside, you are growing and maturing so fast I can barely keep up.

You have just come back from a month in the wilderness. I recognise that the transition from life as Huck Finn to life as Tom Sawyer, has been a little trickier than you had hoped. Life in the civilised world can be tough, and many decisions about the future loom ahead.

So on this birthday I would like to share with you a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

What lies behind us

and what lies before us

are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

So I offer a toast to you, a young man steeped in compassion, love and kindness within.

Love always,

Mom

Of Strawberries, Royalty, Rabbits and Monsters

2011-05-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

Today is May 2nd..Meaning? Yesterday was Beltane/ May Day. There are numerous traditions that surround May Day.

When my children were involved in Waldorf..this meant finding a pole to dance around. (among other things.) Some years..I jumped over a fire. In college? (this is the REALLY fun one) We had a strawberry smorgasborg. Honest to God.

Yesterday, my Mills friends were having a field-day on face-book. Reminiscing about the strawberries. You know..strawberries with chocolate. Strawberries with whipped cream. Plain old strawberries ..or for some..(ahem Cheryl) strawberries with sour cream dipped in brown sugar. All served with champagne or tea.So I choose to join them cyberly. I decide to have a strawberry smorgasborg of our own..at home.

Normally, we do not have many strawberries around. Austen is allergic. Very allergic. But he was gone and we were all full from a very nice, late lunch.

Sunday morning our church was recognising graduates. Kim and I were presented with a small prayer book (really nice..by the way) for completing the parish ministry training program. The high-school graduates (of which Cody was one) were presented with small scholarships and a prayer book for college students.

My parents and sister had come up to help us celebrate. They treated us to a late lunch at Brick's (my favourite restaurant here in the Tx. Hills). So it seemed feasible to have an impromptu strawberry dinner. (with a little cannelloni on the side)

What can I say? We (Cody and I) thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Bug and Big B humored us.

Why did I feel the need to have some sort-of tradition? Not a clue..I think it was my consolation prize for NOT Watching the Royal Wedding. You see, I am one of those that really wanted to watch it. And while I have heard lots of commentary like we won the revolution or why celebrate a monarchy, my response is simply.

Come on people,it's just plain fun.

No one is trying to undo history..but rather recognise it. Acknowledge it. I mean really, how many families do you know that can even trace their lineage back that far? It is so fairy-taleish (in both a romantic and nightmarish sort-of way).

Besides..being of Scotch-Irish decent..I have attended more than one Burns Night celebration where we start the evening off with a Hail to the President , Hail to the Queen and Hail to the Haggis (think Scottish menudo).Okay..maybe that's not the order of the Hails..but you get the drift. So why wouldn't I watch?

Because it was at 3 in the morning that's why.

I had all the best intentions. My alarm was set, I had a tea-pot ready. I was going to simply enjoy this rare occasion. But the reality was..Bug was not going to sleep that night. So at 2:30 when he snuggled up against me in a deep sleep? I knew I would not be watching the wedding.

My mother, however did see parts of it. Mostly watched many interviews. So as we baked 27 dozen cookies (yes it's Kairos cookie baking time) on Friday , she caught me up on what she had seen.

I kept thinking I would watch a recap or something. But alas, it was not meant to be. Because we were having guests to watch the Spurs play..and it was time to bring the dreaded boy home.

Yes Austen is finally home. It takes a while to pack all his stuff and haul it to our car. You know..my car that was full of weapons! (think bow and arrows, knife, gun, etc.) Lovely, no?

Austen says his goodbyes to our friends at the ranch and informs me of all his rabbit sagas. A cow had stepped on his fishing pole that last week..and he was sick of fish. He did, however see a bull snake. (he did not eat it) and caught several more rabbits. He goes into details of how he has improved his rabbit skinning abilities..and then says...Oh..did you see the wedding? ..and proceeds to tell me about it.

Wait.. I say. How did YOU see the wedding? He looks at me like I'm crazy. And slowly..very slowly. very clearly.(to make sure I understand him) he says on B.B.C.

That is NOT what I mean .

He knows..this. Austen laughs. It was my last day..I figured at this point, it didn't matter what I did. I watched it with Miss Brenda at the house..and (he whispers) I also ate carne guisada tacos. Lots of them. I figured if I was cheating..I might as well enjoy it.

So after a month of survival and solitude..Austen treated himself to carne-guisada and the Royal Wedding.

I would say that was the end of our tale..but I still want to talk a bit about monsters.

My son (Brian-Scott) is being bullied. It is a very long story..and he is dealing with it in his own way..but it has been very hard to watch him try to finish his senior design project in such a hostile environment. I want to just jump in and fix it for him. But I realize I cannot. Brian is graduating in a few weeks. He is interviewing for jobs, preparing for graduate school..and instead of enjoying any of it..he is simply trying to get through the next 2 weeks. Telling himself over and over..if I can just get through the next x days I will never have to see y again.

I keep him in prayer and try to give him a listening ear. I help him as he tries to hit that fine balance of standing up for himself, but not letting himself turn into someone he does not want to be.

Last night as I watched the news, I think of Brian's struggle to maintain boundaries while not selling out his character. I think our nation is in a similar quandary.

Osama bin Laden is dead.

As my friend Ann said

Love, hope and peace to the victims of 9/11. May today help with the closure we as a nation are desperately seeking.....

and in the words of Nietzsche

He who fights monsters should take care that in the process he does not become one.

Dear My Beloved...

2011-04-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently sent a link (on facebook) to a bible study she had written.

I've had some time to spend on quiet meditation, study and prayer lately..so I took some of this time to work through her study. At the end of the study, I had a letter. A letter created with an open mind and listening heart. It is what I imagine God would say to me.

(If anyone is interested in the study, e-mail me privately, I'll send you a link)

Dear my beloved Nikochan,

Embrace.

"This (my love) is my rock, and here I come...

To steal the secrets of the sun

This (my love) is my rock and here come I

To steal the secrets of the sky..." (author unkown)

The secret is open. All are welcome.."Come..just as you are to worship..."

Be (you are/I AM) the rock (love). The rock that weathers the storm/shifts in form, yet never changing at the elemental level. Always (always) surrounded by the warmth of the sun (Son) .

You have been blessed (Remember the cornerstones of your life? Belafonte, King Kong, Beatles, Private Eye Club, Rush and Traci Chapman, Fires of Wisdom, De Colores, Surely the Presence..and more to come!)

Be yourself.

Embrace My People (my human family)

And always..always..

Listen. Listen. Love. Love.

The Boys are Finding Their Rhythm.

2011-04-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

There was a gentleman who was speaking at the prison this past weekend. He was a guest speaker from ATT. And he was talking about how there is a study where some scientists have taken peoples DNA and turned it into mathematical equations. When you plug a person's DNA equation into a computer..the computer generates a tone. I.E. We are all wired to have a certain tone.

So if we are all a tone..it only makes sense that we thrive on rhythm.

I have been thinking a lot about rhythm..the importance of some-sort of rhythm in our lives. Especially now that the boys need me NOT...so much, and Levi needs more structure. So I have taken some time these past few weeks to see what is and is not working for us (meaning me and Bug) and we have fallen into some nice patterns in our day.Part of our day. We really don't have a plan for afternoons..Just mornings and evenings . That is plenty for now. And with these patterns? Makes more predictable nap and bed times. Meaning? A much happier Bug.

And just like in a well-composed symphony. Our rhythms are fluid. They are not set in stone..but they are the foundation that holds the rest together.

In the morning:
-wake up, dress, play in the living room, Eat Breakfast
- feed the chickens
-garden
- play with books
-Bug naps, (I enjoy the quiet)
-TEA TIME (for Bug and Me) Breakfast for Cody
-explore instruments
-nap

In the late afternoon/evening:
-swim
-play on deck (in the secret garden)
-start dinner (Bug plays in his play kitchen..and loads his toys in our dishwasher, climbs in cabinets, etc.)
-bath
-dinner
-collect eggs with Uncle Brian
-get ready for bed
-BED

But Bug is not the only one developing patterns to his day. I recently received an update from Austen. And it appears that the boy has found his rhythm..during his time in the woods (or ranch). Since many have asked how/what he is doing. I thought I would share with you today.

-Wake up with the sun.
-Catch breakfast
-Cook and eat breakfast.
-lie on the ground and watch the clouds for a couple of hours
-scrounge some lunch/dinner
-afternoon adventure
-cook and eat dinner
-read
-bed with the sun-set

From what I understand..Austen's afternoon adventures..have involved lots of exploring, discovering springs, hunting for bigger game, creating a cooler that is buried in a hole in his cabin to protect his food from animals, digging for caves near sink-holes.

Austen has asked us to pick him up on Saturday so he can spend Easter with us. Yay!

Then Austen returns to his rhythm in the woods for one last week, before composing a new summer song.

WOO HOO, What a Ride!

2011-04-11T13:31:00.000-07:00

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,but rather to skid in sideways -Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and...screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride' -author unknown

This is one of my all-time favourite quotes!

And for me, the ride has taken me to and now THROUGH the Parish Ministry Training Program for the Southwestern Texas Synod of the ELCA.

It's official. We (meaning me, Don, Kim, Mike, Everitt and Larry) are finished ..with the studying part, that is.

Next month we all have exit interviews with the director of the program and company, then another interview with the Bishop.

I have spent the past 3 years with these guys..and now? Our adventure really begins!

And so I enjoy this time. This time in-between what was and what is to come. I came home from class Sat. night to 12 teens/young adults. playing Settlers and various other games whose names have escaped me. They were here to celebrate Cody's birthday. Making pizzas, listening to the coffee house station and just laughing, talking and catching up with each others lives. Nice.

Brian and Angee came down from Austin. And the dreaded boy came out of solitude for the evening. (He is now back in the woods, so to speak. Not to be picked up until Easter) We had the whole gang home. 'Twas very nice.

Then Sunday morning found me back at the prison. Some of the men-in-white offered to treat me to lunch. Alas, the volunteers and one of the guards had beat them to the punch. I celebrated with my partners in crime over some-sort of hamburger, potato lunch in the cafeteria.

A few hours later, I find myself with 39+ men in a classroom. We are short volunteers so drama and English choir share a room. The men are all trying to learn to sing and play a particular song.

An hour later we are all still here. There is laughter. There is prayer. There is a lot of reshuffling of chairs as everyone tries to squeeze between the instruments while someone brings in a fan to get some ventilation in the room.

I sit along a wall between two of these men. One is the writer of the play. The other one of the choir members.Surrounding us are members of the drama team. We discuss the importance of using the gifts that we are given. And I am challenged to use my own gifts, as well.

There is a fiddle part to be learned. I am encouraged to help one gentleman, in particular, learn this. We agree to hammer out the tricky parts next week.

I watch the sun pour through the bars of the windows, surrounded by the voices of these men as they sing.. Each and every man in that room has memorized this song. And now they have joined together to sing in unison Set Me Free by Casting Crowns.

And as I listen,

I know.

I know I am right where I am supposed to be. The rest of the journey is still untold but

WOO HOO, What a Ride!

18!

2011-04-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Cody turned 18! We celebrated low-key. He and I and the bugboy went out for tacos for lunch. He opened some presents from extended family, and spent the evening with his girl-friend. Rumor has it that not only was it his birthday but he has been dating Ellie for a year now. So dinner with Ellie it was..followed by going to a local cafe/restaurant/club and listening to a friend who had a gig in nearby San Antonio.

Holy Moly..who would have thought! I am so proud of the young man Cody is today.

When we first decided to homeschool for the long haul Big B and I decided we wanted 3 things for our children in adulthood. These were a strong sense of compassion, responsibility and humor.

Cody is all of these things and So. Much. More.

And WOW..what a journey it has been. For you see, when Cody was 3 he was diagnosed with PDD/NOS..a few months later HFA. A few years later he was rediagnosed Aspergers/HFA/Highly Gifted. But by that point? Who cared?

Cody had broken down his original barriers of autism. You know those books you read or movies you see (A Child Called Noah, Dibs in Search of Self, etc) where a kid goes from autistic to fully engaged adult? Well that is Cody.

Why him? We honestly can't say. At the age of 3 Cody went to PPCD where an amazing staff worked with him daily to develop speech, parallel play and an ability to walk without spinning;)

As soon as he came home from PPCD we had set up the Son-Rise program ..or lifestyle rather, at home. Did we really expect a change? No..but we wanted him to know we loved him. We wanted to catch those "green-light moments" when we could. And somehow over a few years, we got lucky.

While some of his milestones were major..I.E. speech, eye-contact, etc. Many were (and still are) much more subtle. But the truth is Cody knows, and has always known, more than anyone else what he needs to live more fully.

We learned early that we needed to trust Cody. Sometimes this trust meant supporting him when things seemed crazy. For instance when he buried all the black-keys to the piano in the backyard? We took it in stride and buried with him. (Only to be glued back on at a later date)

The details of Cody's journey are a book in and of itself. And a few scholarly papers have been written about him. But by the age of 9 Cody was taking apart..and fixing.... computers instead of pianos. At the age of 16 he was taking apart..and fixing cars.

Cody has a gift for memorising patterns and systems in ways many cannot. At the age of 7 he referred to the elements on the periodic chart as the ingredients of the universe. Next was patent laws, then bar-code numbering, etc. Cody learns these things with a passion. Then moves onto something else when he is done.

Over the years he has studied the nuances of conversation. Cody uses the art of questioning and dry wit to keep conversations going. He has come to realise that many of the things that fascinate him (wiring diagrams, programming codes, banking systems,etc..) are not the most intriguing topics of conversation for many of his peers.

As odd as it may seem since he still often appears painfully shy, Cody is probably the most social of all of the boys.

Today Cody is studying information systems. This skill will serve him well in a number of fields. It is a skill that is treasured by certain companies and gov't agencies..yet he chooses to study at a small liberal arts college instead of a more technically inclined school.

Why? Because he knows he needs the balance. Cody is stretching himself. Head, heart and hands. Good for Cody.

There is one song that I listen to often. I sang this to Cody at nauseum as he was growing up. I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you just how nauseating it is.

Whenever I here it I still think of Cody. John, I love you. by Sinaed O'Connor is Cody's song in my mind. (just replace John..)

The refrain is what gets me. The lyrics are simple...

There's life outside your mother's garden
There's life beyond your wildest dreams
There hasn't been any explosion
We're not spinning like Dorothy
If you look now then you'll see why
Don't be afraid to cry
This time don't let yourself fly
Child
Pick up those dancing shoes
Kick off those wedding blues
These are the ways
You can choose....

Cody is 18 now.

And while they may be disguised as flip-flops, Cody has chosen to pick up his dancing shoes.

The Trial Weekend!

2011-03-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

Austen is back!!!

For a day or two...(maybe three). This past weekend Austen left for a weekend trial of his month of survival and solitude.

We had agreed that at the end of the weekend he had three options.
1)Stay on until the end of April.
2) Come home.
3) Figure out what he does and doesn't need and re-prepare (catch his breath) for a day or two at home, before returning until the end of April.

Austen has chosen option 3. I asked him if he was sure ..he gave some specific reasons but most important was..you know..I'm a little hungry. Actually...I'm starving!

But he remembered his manners. Austen and his friend Mason (whose ranch this is) took us on a l-o-n-g...drive to what is now being referred to as Austen's house.

We discover that starving was not really the concern. But wild-hogs? They were a concern.

If you look closely at the door, you will notice that it's just propped up. Not wild-animal proof.

So tomorrow, Austen and Mason are fixing the door so it actually closes..you know..just in case a hog wants in.

Cody and his girlfriend Ellie come with me to pick up that Austen kid. Mason and Austen show us the lake (now puddle) where Austen caught a bass. They offer us rabbit jerkey that they smoked over the weekend..after they ate a rabbit. And yes..that is a THEY. Because apparently solitude does not include Mason. Mason is Austen's life-line. Mason sleeps with his walkie-talkies next to his bed. (In case Austen needs him) Austen checks in with him twice a day to let him know he is alive. And? Austen and Mason splurged on roasted rabbit and a late night conversation together, before Austen's return to solitude.

The rest of us? not allowed.

Austen quickly adapts to civilisation. He requests tacos on the drive home. Oh my...one chimi-changa, 1 bean and cheese taco and 2 beef fajitas. He wasn't kidding! He was hungry. Apparently one fish and a rabbit are not sufficient for 3 days in the woods. Hmm...Austen announces he is bringing a tomato plant with him when he returns.

We listen to Flogging Molly and Teddy Bears in the car. Then Austen takes off to hang with some friends..because really..he is a pretty darn social kid.

Today Austen is thoroughly enjoying the luxuries of the modern world..tomorrow, back to the ranch to repair a door. Austen feels he is now better prepared.

So in a few days?

The adventure really begins...

Bandito Update

2011-03-21T08:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, at Grandma's request, Grandpa managed to get a photo of all the Banditos! Thought it would be a good time to give a quick (super-quick..like bullet-point) update on each.

Bandito numero uno aka Brian-Scott or Brian the Lion (first on left..with the sunglasses on his head!):

The kiddo is about to graduate!! This May Brian-Scott graduates from UT Austin with a BA in E.E.

Plans? Find a job/internship for summer..return to UTAustin for graduate school. He is staying in the same apartment and everything;)

For now Brian continues work with his senior design team on a really awesome project. But the stress-level for the team has been off-the-charts!

Spring Break came at a good time.

Bandito numero dos aka Cody, Odio or Colt. (second from left holding/ throwing(?) numero cinco)

The kiddo is about to graduate! This May Cody's life as a homeschooler will be officially over.

There is a rumor we will have some-sort of homeschool graduation something or other. I really need to get with the other parents and work out logistics!

Also? Cody is about to have his 18th birthday! (gasp). Once again, we have no plans at this point. It has been very difficult to get any feedback from Odio on what he would like to do. Cody has never been big on celebrating birthdays.

Odio plans to work..somewhere..this summer and start at Schreiner University in the Fall to study information systems.

For now Cody continues to review some pre-cal, read some British Lit and is applying for numerous scholarships. Because while between federal aid, merit scholarship, work-study and parents he has covered tuition, books and room. Odio still must figure out a way to pay for his meal card (which is required for Freshmen). Odio is trying to avoid taking out a loan. But that is a back-up.After all, the kids gotta eat!

Bandito numero tres aka Austen or Austen Poston from Boston. No..he's never been to Boston..just has a mother who creates ridiculous rhymes. (second from right..the dreaded boy)

The kiddo is NOT about to graduate! Austen is, however, about to spend a month living off the land ..almost..he has a 1/2 built cabin from the 1800's to sleep in. Austen leaves in two weeks for his month of solitude and survival at a friend's ranch. Originally we had planned for Austen to do this in May..but see graduations above. Hence..the bump to April. Besides Austen, too, will be looking for a summer job. So actually being available to work in the summer would be helpful in the job-hunting department. Also? Austen needs to spend May getting himself logistically in gear to attend St. Phillip's Culinary Arts program (dual-credit) in the Fall.

But back to Austen's month of silence and survivial. He will check in with our friends (walkie talkies!) twice a day so we know he is okay.

My little Thoreau (or Mountain Man? Grizzly Adams?) is spending a trial weekend this weekend. Please hold him in your thoughts/ prayers, etc. over this next month. It is something he feels he really needs to do. I take a deep breathe and trust that he will be okay. Austen has been planning this for over a year. He will be armed with his bow and arrows (which he has been practicing daily for quite some time now) and a 22 for small game and predators. (think..lions, and tigers and bears! Okay. Okay..maybe just mountain lions and wild hogs..We are hoping the noise will scare them off!)..and yes..a few other things..including his first aid kit.

Bandito numero quatro aka Calvin or Calvin Alvin..because his Aunt happens to be Austen's horrible name rhyming mother. (pictured 1st on right)

Calvin just came back from a mini staycation downtown S.A. He had a blast! Now he is finishing up his sophomore year in high-school. Calvin has applied for a culinary arts program at the local high-school Now he waits to see what happens. If he doesn't get in, he has several electives in mind for a back-up.

Finally we come to Bandito numero cinco aka Levi, Bug, Bug-a-lug...same Aunt as Calvin... and Wilson.

Levi has learned to respond to all the names above. For 10 months? I find that pretty-darn impressive. More exciting, Levi just had his baptism this past Sunday. Below Bug is pictured with Pastor Sandra after the service.

Priceless!

Why I Go To Prison..(and a little rambling about the human condition)

2011-03-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

It is almost noon on a Saturday afternoon. Big B and the boys are working in the back yard trying to set up a pool. Bug is with my sister. I am dressed in my jeans, long-sleeve shirt and flip-flops. I am spending the day catching up on laundry and study.

3 books to read, a couple papers to write and I am set for my parish ministry training class next weekend. (sigh) I am SO not an academician. More a hit the ground running kind-of person. But I have grown up in academia..I know how to play the game..and I do love learning. Just not formal study, per-se.

I think this need to meet people where they are at is what has drawn me to ministry. To partner with people.

I think my friend Don said it best.

Don is a fellow PMTP student and serves at an asst. minister in small-town Tx. Don and I met shortly after a week in which he had served in three funerals and was preparing for one more. Two of these were involving children. In other words..it had been a heart breaking week.

But Don? He just looked at me and said You know Nicole, I went into ministry because I wanted to be noble. What I have found is that instead, I spend most of my time just showing up. Holding hands. Praying...and crying.(pause)I do an awful lot of crying. Then he looked at me straight in the eyes and said..But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I hope to be like Don.

But I am getting distracted... The point is, tomorrow I return to prison!

For the past year I have been slowly increasing my involvement as a volunteer through the chaplaincy program at a local medium-security men's prison. At first I went for a Kairos weekend...just to help from outside and one afternoon inside to attend a closing ceremony. Then..well...once you see a need....

Now? I'm hooked! I love to go to prison. Why? Because it keeps me grounded. It reminds me what it's all about.It is a place that moves me to listen, to laugh, to listen, to pray, to listen, to cry and to listen for that still small voice.

So I continue to study..and plug through various theology because the guys on the inside? Keep me motivated.

I have been doing some soul searching to see why I am drawn to this environment. I realize that it is because prison is a small microcosm of the human condition in general.Just easier to identify.

I see men, who do not know how to trust. I see men who view those around them as predators, learn to trust. And as they learn to trust, they learn to respond instead of react. I see these men slowly reach out to those they most fear. I see these men reach beyond limitations that are impossible to imagine. And this transformation I see..then transforms me. These men minister to me.

These men force me to look at my own biases, privileges, stereo-types. They help me embrace the goodness in humanity in the midst of total chaos. They help me realize that many of the conflicts and divisions in the free world are simply ripples of the same fears they face on the inside.

For instance..just this past week. On the first day of Lent actually. I found myself getting very defensive. I didn't start out that way...

Lent has always been a special time for me. I enjoy it because it is a time of reflecting on what it means to sacrifice for others. A time to remember what Christianity is all about. I often give up something for lent..to remember that I am imperfect. (I have this delusion, at times, that I am). To pull myself out of my comfort zone. (I.E..I am cutting out coffee for lent..) to remember to not get in a rut. To take risks. Mostly? To know that I can take risks because I can trust. Because just like my brothers- in -white, I too, must remember to trust. And sometimes? Trust is a hard thing.

And the giving up of coffee? Is an outward act, to remind me of the inward stuff that I want to work on.

Now, that said. I know Lent is not for everyone.

I have a son who is agnostic, a son who is atheist. I have many dear friends and family members of other faiths or non-belief. But Lent is special to me..but when I click on my facebook.

My, oh my..the lent-bashing is rampant!..and I start to get defensive. I know that those who are lent- bashing are reacting out of their own defenses.They are not intending to bash..but rather having fun with what appears down-right silly. Some of this is done out of their own hurts from those in the religious communities. I remind myself...it's not personal. I turn off the computer.

Later that same day, I uhmm..turn the computer back on. I see a post on same-sex unions

I am glad to see some support for those in same-sex relationships But as I scroll down, as often happens..organized religion..or people of faith are blamed for the lack of civil rights for same-sex partners. I think of all my friends and family of faith..who have worked hard to fight for civil rights for ALL people. I think of my many homosexual friends who are strong in their faith of choice...And I react (not respond), publicly..on facebook.

Later, privately in a message to a dear friend..I try to shift the blame of this lack of civil rights to a certain political party..and then I realize what I have done. I have let myself get defensive and react...and in turn attack another group.

I have let myself get caught in that human tendency of reacting and finger-pointing when I am defensive or feel life is not fair.(Which it still is not, for my friends in same-sex relationships).

But the truth is..no one is exempt. Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Zoroastrian, Wiccan, Atheist, Agnostic..the list goes on. No one is exempt from biases and prejudices. No matter how hard we try. It is part of the human condition to try to put people in groups..or stereo-types in order to understand things.This is not an excuse for ignorance. It does not mean we don't look at our own biases and work hard to move beyond them. As my dear friend, Heran, once said Ignorance can only be excused so far.

But it is also the human condition to forgive, to reach out, to move on and to truly celebrate each other in all our uniqueness.

So this is what I am reminded of in prison. We all screw up. We all make mistakes..and life is not fair. But you make the best of it, and you enjoy your fellow humans anyway.

For instance..at this point in time, the State of Texas..in all their wisdom, are proposing ridiculous budget cuts to the Texas Criminal Justice Systems. Off the top of my head..I can tell you that proposals are running to cut breakfasts, chaplaincy, re-entry programs..and to increase the number of early-releases of Tx. offenders to make room for offenders from Arkansas. It is pure craziness.

But my brothers in white? They take it in stride. They are not happy about all of these changes. They are worried. They are scared. Yet they encourage each other..individually and as a group, to not play the victim. To keep their lives straight..to appreciate and enjoy those around them, despite the fact that life is not fair.

And as I watch them in action I am, once again, humbled.

So apologies to my friends I have offended or made uncomfortable this past week. I am working on my reactions..I am learning to respond. And I truly care for each of you.

But now I am off. Because the goodness in humanity is coming disguised as a few families in cars. These families are showing up to help Big B and the boys with their "pool party". (I.E....lots of digging). One family brings some cantaloupe and oranges.. and one nice guy brought me a trombone!!!!

Ha ha! Now I can celebrate humanity New Orleans Style!

uhmm...after I write my paper...you know..so I can be like Don.

Learners Permits and Mushroom Houses

2011-03-08T07:31:00.000-08:00

Austen is driving!

Yep. He has been seizure free long enough to get his learners permit. He even waited an extra 6 months..you know..just in case..

Am I scared?

Absolutely!

But I am also pleased for him. This is a fairly standard right of passage (so to speak) for many teens. A right of passage we never imagined possible for Austen.

Since he was 9, Austen has assumed he would never drive. When his brothers got their permits and licenses we would look at Austen and say..Oh sweetie..you know. And he would sigh and say..Yeah..I know..I can't drive. It's okay..I'll ride a horse. (or plane, bicycle, gyrocopter, etc. insert alternative options here)

His brothers and friends would always pitch in with

Aww..don't sweat it. We gotcha covered man. We'll take you wherever you need to go.

When he was flying planes with Civil Air Patrol, Austen would contemplate how to design a car that could also have a co-pilot. After all, if you can fly with a co-pilot..couldn't you drive? But mostly? He just spent his energies and dreams in other directions.

Austen's seizures began to subside. Against all odds. And once we learned to control his brain swelling with diet? Well, then the dreaming of driving became more frequent. Austen cracked open the drivers ed.handbook.

Oh Austen..I would begin.

Just in case Mom..just in case. I know it probably won't happen.

So here we are. Trying the unthinkable. Taking it one day at a time. I take a deep breath..and enjoy this sense of normalcy he has..even if it is just for a little while..My boy is armed with a learners permit..and boy is he using it!

Are you going to the store? I'll take you.

How about the post-office? I'll take you.

And he grins from ear to ear as he chauffeurs me around town.

But more exciting than the permit? Is his new /used car.

A blue,very blue on the inside, Mercedes. Who knows? Austen and Big B might even get it running by the time he gets his license. They spend several evenings a week on repairs.

But Austen is not the only one around here with new transportation. Bug has found a horse! Yet another of the new/used rocking horse variety. (also in need of repair) But really..who cares?!

Bug spends most mornings riding his horse in our secret garden. Yup we are creating a secret garden

It's so secret, that I have posted it on facebook, and now I am blogging. Pssht. so much for secrecy around here! Actually, we needed a space on the back deck that was a tad more baby/toddler proof than what we have now. Hence the garden on the deck!

The older boys put up netting and a picket fence around the deck to keep Bug from falling off. Bug and I plant tomatoes, peppers, basil and mint in containers. Bug discovered the joys of mud! Wow..what a mess! Unfortunately, the garden is secret enough the plants haven't figure out they are supposed to grow yet.

But we're sure trying!

But no garden is complete without ..you know..a mushroom house. Cody and Austen put together a mushroom playhouse. It was quite a fiasco, let me tell you.

Meanwhile, Bug spies from the bookshelf as the boys build his mushroom house. In Bug's behalf.. he did try to help. The older boys, however, banished him from helping until they were almost complete.

Austen assures him that this house is for him. Check it out, dude. This is going to be like having your own room. You're pretty lucky. I mean, really, this mushroom is almost as awesome as the tree-house!

Finally the house is placed in the secret garden.

And so life goes on..here in the Texas Hills. We are having entirely too much fun!

Non-traditional in Business Casual or Traditional in Flip Flops

2011-02-28T12:18:00.000-08:00

After much deliberation, day-dreaming and occasional angst. Cody has narrowed his college choices down to two. Cody is choosing between:

Schreiner University. A small , fairly traditional, liberal arts college in Kerrville, Texas. The upside being that it is close to home and he can come home when he wants. The downside being that it is close to home and he would like us not to be-so-close.

and then there is...

Kettering University. A small, non-traditional/hands-on/co-operative ed. science/engineering/tech school in Flint, Michigan. The upside being he is far from home. The downside being..he is far- f a r - f a r from home.

Both schools are small. Like really, really small -(Think 1000ish total student body) Both have extremely small student-teacher ratios. Both offer Business degrees with a major or concentration in management information systems. Both offer free-tutoring (A BIG PLUS in Odio's financially oriented head) and although we originally had a bit of sticker shock at price of one of these institutions of higher learning....in the end, it turns out that both will be financially doable.

And that? Is where the similarities end. So we visit the campuses. We start with Schreiner because it is so-close.

It is a nice, Texas Spring day when we arrive. Cody is asked to come an hour early to visit/interview with an admissions rep. They spend a lot of time discussing dorm options, work-study options, soccer;), test-anxiety and the differences (not good or bad) between the type of learning Cody will encounter at Kettering versus the more traditional Schreiner.

Here is a pic of an MIS class taken outside because..well..it is a nice day. Cody is invited to come back and sit in on an MIS class (if he is still interested) after his visit to Kettering.

We join 4 other students for the campus tour.

The president of the campus comes out to greet each student individually. We visit the turtle sanctuary. We discover that one of the exercise bikes in the gym has a game where you chase a dragon. Cody's eyes twinkle at the possibilities... We pass kids playing Ultimate Frisbee and in true South Texas fashion are treated to a ghost-story about one of the buildings on campus.

Cody leaves saying the campus was much nicer than he expected.

Next we are off to Michigan for a Prep for Success Conference. All Kettering students participate in a minimum of 5 semesters of a co-op. Cody is placed in Section B. Meaning? He would work July-Sept. Go to classes Oct.-Dec. work Jan.-March and return to classes April- June for the next 4 1/2 years. At the end of which he would graduate with not just his BA but 2 1/2 years of professional work experience.

But first Kettering is hosting a dinner in San Antonio. At dinner,Cody gets the opportunity to meet a few students who have co-op jobs here in Texas. The students are very impressive. Cody also meets both his admissions rep and his co-op rep. Cody's co-op rep hands him a booklet on resume building and encourages him to create and upload his resume before the upcoming conference so that they have time to look at it and edit as needed.

Also? Cody and I go shopping, because unlike Schreiner where Cody and other prospective students showed up in jeans and t-shirts, Dress for Success kids? Are instructed to wear business casual..and a very specific description of business casual is included. So Cody and I are off to find a jacket that will keep him warm enough for the weekend..and look okay with his dress pants, shoes and nice shirt. We realize that the coat he fixes cars in..isn't going to cut it.

As we spend the day shopping..Cody and I discuss some of the different purchases each school will require.

We realize that if he goes to Kettering he will need a much more energy efficient car than the gas-guzzling Blazer he currently drives. Also? More than one or two business outfits seem to be in the future.

As for Schreiner..well...Big B and I had agreed that if he stays nearby he can purchase a scooter. (Cody is shooting for a motorcycle but Big B is saying no way) and Cody adds..could I have a nice pair of flip-flops?I still have my old ones for after soccer games.

So we agree. Schreiner-flip flops. Kettering -clothing for business and business casual.

And then we are truly off to Michigan.

Kettering informs us over the phone that there is another prospective Kettering family on our flight (from our transfer in Atlanta, Ga.) and that they will be returning with us as well. We are encouraged to locate them and take a shuttle from the airport to the hotel together.

We find them immediately. Alex and his mom..Eva..are from Southern California. Both boys and moms hit it off, so we hang out quite a bit over the weekend. (Most of the Kettering pics have been taken from Eva..because..well..we all know I take lousy pics.)

Flint has snow! For us snow-deprived folks..this snow is magical.

We arrive in Flint on Friday night. Cody and I play in the snow before heading for lunch at Applebees. We return to the hotel to watch movies on HBO (we don't have HBO at home!) then meet Eva and Alex for dinner. Along the way we meet another Kettering family from Colorado. Johnathan and his dad join us for dinner.

We arrive on campus early Sat. morning.. Here are Cody and Alex before the day gets going. We moms promise them we will limit our picture taking of them (except of the snow!!) if they will pose for us now.

The boys agree to humor us.

and I only cheat on my non-photo promise once(during the day..that is)!

We start with tours of the dorms. Everyone at Kettering has a single room in a suite. Murals are allowed to be painted on the walls in the hallways.

Then...we are off to the classrooms. There are a handful of traditional looking classrooms. Most..not so much. We couldn't really take many pics of the classes. For those of you who have participated in Odyssey of the Mind, worked in Think Tanks, or any government agency..you understand the need to keep works in progress quiet. There are works-in-progress everywhere. But we were allowed a few pics. These we can share.

Here the prospective students discuss a car in progress with a current Kettering student. At this moment they are discussing what operating systems are being used to run a certain program as part of this project.

Here are pictures of the names of some of the classrooms which I found particularly amusing.

After the tour we catch the end of a session on affordability. This session is followed by an expo of various departments...an opportunity to have your resume edited. Cody spends almost 20 minutes with a faculty member as they work together on his resume. Lunch with faculty. Visiting classes. Applied math and a business class for Cody.

Cody meets and visits with his potential academic advisor. They spend some time discussing the most-likely direction for his co-op. It is a fascinating opportunity...very tempting...a tad intimidating at this point in time. Also? He probably will only have the opportunity to visit family and friends (and girlfriend!)4- 6 weeks out of the year for the next several years. That 4-6 weeks is including summer and Christmas break.

Then we are back for more sessions on resumes and interviews. More sessions on student life..a student panel. Things start to become a blur..and just when you know you can't absorb one more thing...

The parents and students are separated. Our kids spend the evening eating pizza and playing games with current Kettering students. Parents are bussed to a local museum. Here is a picture of me and Eva in front of museum..because we wanted a picture to prove to our family and friends that we were in snow!!!! The parents have an evening of amazing food (see pic below) and lots of conversation with other parents and Kettering faculty.

We are bussed back to Kettering to pick up the kids. Here is one last shot of Cody, Alex and Johnathan before returning to the hotel for the evening.(and yes..they were allowed to change into jeans for the evening)

We are now back in Texas. Trying to finish processing all that we saw and heard over the weekend. Kettering is truly a unique and incredible opportunity. And Cody is the first to admit that he feels extremely comfortable with the other students. Cody is not so sure he will have as much in common with the students on the other campus....but he also realizes that he would like to know more of what a traditional education is like.

Cody is a boy who has spent most of his life as a very hands-on, self-directed learner..and he is drawn to the idea of being just a regular college student in a traditional setting.

So after a bit of late-night research and soul searching, Cody decides that business casual can wait until grad school..for now?

Flip flops it is.

It Takes a Village

2011-02-22T09:38:00.000-08:00

We have all heard the saying It takes a village to raise a child.

I have been thinking about how true that is, lately. Big B and I have 3 sons..Brian-Scott, Cody and Austen. But along the way (in the past numerous years) our lives have been profoundly touched by another 8 children who have spent considerable time in our beds and at our dining table. In other words? (whisper) we have our own village.

We don't go into too much detail with our "other kids" because..well..their lives are a little more private. Their stories are theirs to tell. But I can give you a glimmer of their personalities.

First there was K ..a niece who stayed with us quite a bit for several years. K was only 5 when I met her...We nicknamed her "fingers" because she was ALWAYS into everything. K would only wear Big Bird socks, loved to pet the goldfish and was (and still is) one of the most inquisitive people I have ever met. As life unfolded. K did eventually find a permanent adoption with grandma..and we keep in touch.

Next was Manuel - a neighbor and friend of Brian-Scott..who Brian Scott brought home from pre-k. Manuel was (and is) so serious. He loves to fish. He's almost always carrying a puppy. Loves to draw...and when they were younger, was willing to participate in any imaginative game the other children created as long as he first clarified with them that this was just pretend. Manuel lived with us off and on for 5 years. We keep in touch.

But Manuel was not the only friend Brian-Scott brought home. Shane came also. Actually, we just watched Shane during the week while his parents work. Shane was an indian (of Irish decent). Literally. He wore an indian costume f-o-r-e-v-e-r. As he got older..he traded in the costume for camo. Shane's favorite past-time? Paintball! Shane hung out a lot..and moved in for a short spurt or two in his late teens. We partnered with his parents in raising Shane. Shane still keeps in touch.

We have my other nephew C. C stayed with us during the week when he was a baby so his parents could work. We lost contact for a few years. Then C lived with us during the week for a year so he could homeschool with us.C is in the autistic spectrum, and is a bit overwhelmed at times by his need for structure and routine. He can -and WILL- recite almost every Sponge Bob episode by rote. C is an avid reader, budding cartoonist, and aspiring cook. C (like K) now has a more permanent living arrangement. We keep in touch!

Mohammad is our host-son from Lebanon. In the world of exchange students. Mohammad was pretty young (15) when he spent the year with us. Mohammad is a very gifted boy who LOVES drama, singing, cooking and fashion design. Mohammad visits when he can. We keep in touch.

I guess since Brian-Scott brought home two kids..Cody and Austen didn't want to be left out!

First was Austen's friend S. S stayed with us for a little while, after the death of her father. (single dad). We all knew it was transitional at the time...We like to refer to Austen and S as "the James Bond twins". During her stay with us (when both Austen and S were about 13) S would tell everyone that Austen was her twin brother. They were both into a grunge look for awhile...but somehow always found a collar to play James Bond. The two would make eye contact with each other, flip their denim jacket collars and say "my name is Bond..James Bond"..and crack themselves up. S is now living with a family member..and seems to be creating a new life for herself. We keep in touch.

Finally we have Cody's friend M. M hung around for awhile even before he moved in.. He was one of the first to claim Brian-Scott's room when Brian-Scott moved to Denton. M (and his dad) stayed with us officially for a couple of years after M claimed a room. M is a soccer player, fairly studious, and deceivingly private. Because..he is quite a chatty guy. But when he and Cody are together. As S likes to say Oh My!. We often refer to Cody and M as Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Big B and I could never have cared for these children without the constant support of others. Grandmas, Grandpas, close family friends , church community, Boys and Girls Club community, homeschooling community. college friends, all the folks from community dining, and the martial artists (can't forget the Professional Karate Institute families) have been available to surround our motley crew with unlimited love and support...and also? To help with the logistics.

You know things like -I can babysit for you on Monday while you take x to the doctor.

Here I brought popcorn for the kids.

We can drive Brian to the tournament.

What sizes do you, x, y or z need?(clothes)

and mostly..listening.

Just yesterday, I found myself venting over coffee with a close friend and again in a private chat with some college friends. Why? Because it has been one of those weeks.

Manuel is off to the Navy. Shane just lost his mom to a battle with leukemia. Brian-Scott and Mohammad are really stressed in school right now. Cody and M are still going through the pre-college maze. Austen is driving! Cody and Austen got into a fender bender (AND ALMOST A FIGHT!!) in town. and K has a whole 'nother slew of things going on.

But this same group of children (along with all their friends) have become protective and available for each other..they have become their own village. And this village? Is now joking about this next generation (smirk and all) as "Round 2".

Meaning Bug. Lucky Bug!...and (gasp) rumors of more to come?

(sigh) The village that has supported Big B and I over the years..have now incorporated our young adult village people.

And this larger, stronger village is reaching out with open arms to Round 2.

Yes, there ARE homeschooled athletes!

2011-02-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago sardine mama over at sardines in a can wrote a response to some questions that are often asked of homeschoolers, and gave a small glimpse into a life of learning at home.

At the time, I read with pleasure and thought to myself Hmm..it's been a long time since anyone has even questioned what we do.

And then? Our son's homeschooled soccer team won the Texas- Christian Athletic League state championship.

And the questions/statements began..

.Oh..they play with other homeschooled teams right? The answer is not often. Usually they play school teams. Sometimes public, sometimes private.This is a logistical thing. While schools often practice at school, the homeschoolers cover a much larger geographical area in order to have enough members to form a team. Meaning? Less homeschooled teams to play. However, in the State of Texas homeschools are considered a private school. So this makes us legal to play with private school leagues. The T-Cal league throughout the state starts with a little over 90 schooled teams. We are the only homeschooled team in the league.

You know, I put my children in school so they could play REAL sports. Wow..don't even know how to respond.

I will tell you that they practice.

They play other teams.
Sometimes they play nice:

Sometimes they play not so nice:

and sometimes? Their coaches have things to tell them...

and maybe the coaching is where the misnomer of non-real sports (whatever that means) comes in. We do not pay our coaches. They are (gasp) volunteers. Dang good ones, at that. Our coaches this year were previous homeschooled grads. (one is a fireman, one is a cook) who play soccer and came back to coach.

....and like all good coaches, these coaches listen, they yell (only when they get a tad excited),they reprimand. These coaches meet each player at whatever level they play and work to bring them to the next level..both individually and as a team.

and maybe the coaching is just one of the obvious difference between most homeschooled sports team and most schooled teams.

Attitudes of team members towards players of other ages, grade-levels and skill level are also pretty apparent. Why? Because the homeschooled teams I have been exposed to just don't care. They have not learned to separate other people by age, grade or ability. So they don't..

It is this lack of stereotyping or judging that becomes blaringly obvious (not good or bad) in the difference in the overall attitude of homeschooled team-members towards eachother when compared to the attitudes in many of the teams which they play.

Also? The team members attitude towards siblings. I know it sounds weird. But it's not a secret that homeschoolers come with families attached..often big ones. So at every game, during 1/2 time..all the siblings of team-members..ages 18 months to 22 years..will hit the field and play together. Sometimes family members of other teams will join them.

When schooled players see their siblings on the field, there is usually an initial panic and an urgent whispered "get off the field! You're not supposed to be here!!" These athletes are not acting this way because they don't love their families..they are simply reacting out of fear. They don't want to see their brother or sister get in trouble.And often? Somewhere along the line, they have often been taught that families are embarrassing.

So in these players behalf, let's face it, we are at a game. Games are serious stuff. Brothers and sisters should not be on the field! Much less playing with the enemy. Once assured they are welcome and no one is in trouble..these schooled athletes, watch wearily from the bench while their siblings play.

The homeschooled athletes? Usually don't even notice.

This is business as usual for them. You will here an occasional "my jersey is here if you want to borrow it." "Do you need some gloves?"..and that is all. When it is time to start the second 1/2. All the siblings clear the field, and the game resumes.

So, these are basic cultural differences that become apparent on sports fields between schooled and homeschooled athletic teams. These differences are merely reflections of the weekly routines of these athletes..both schooled or not schooled.

For example, as I type Cody(17- and our soccer player) Austen(16) their friend Devin(17) and Levi(8 months) are hanging around our kitchen table. The older boys are eating pizza. Levi is playing with cheerios. In the kitchen are Sam (5) and Rachael (3)..they are running to the table for a bite of pizza and then back to the little people universe that has taken over our kitchen.

Meanwhile Cody's best friend Mason (an 18 year old schooled soccer player) is waiting another 30 minutes before his timed lunch break. A break he will share with his same ages peers. This morning? Mason went from one class, to another, to another..this afternoon he will do the same..and then to soccer.

That is Mason's day..every day..every week.

Since my kids are babysitting today. They spent the morning playing swords. Actually? I believe they started by being "knighted" by "King Levi"..who would watch the battles from inside. Then? The "good knights" being Sam, Devin and Rachael..chased down the evil gnome Austen. While the big troll Cody continued snoring in his cave.

Now that lunch is over, Cody has declined the opportunity to play. He has explained his case to said knights and they are debating whether studying is an excuse not to join battle. The "good knights" mull it over and decide studying is allowed for a troll. Now? The knights are planning to hunt down the evil gnome Austen (now turned fiery dragon) in the woods, before returning to the castle for an afternoon nap. During which time the older boys will study some economics.

..and that is Cody's life..most days..most weeks

So it is only natural that these types of cultural differences become apparent when you see the relationships between the athletes on schooled teams and the athletes on homeschooled teams. But honestly? I think the differences start and end with just this. The relationships.

What if they want to go to college? What if they want to play college ball? What will they do then?

Okay..that is two separate questions. Pictured above are Cody and the other seniors from his team. (All 5 of them!)

Of these 5 boys. 2 (Cody being one of them) are still trying to decide which college is the most financially suitable for them, 1 has been accepted to West Point, 1 will be attending a local state college and 1 is planning to spend a year doing missions work. At least 3 of these boys have the opportunity to play college ball if they so choose.

So there you have it. You can be a highschool athlete and homeschool. You can practice, win, loose, show good sportsmanship and bad sportsmanship. You can go to college. You can play ball...and you can even, occasionally WIN A STATE TOURNAMENT!!!

Soccer Mom

2011-01-29T12:08:00.000-08:00

This is my son Cody..doing what he loves best. Playing soccer. This pic was at a pick-up game during an O.M. tournament a couple of summers ago.

My name is Nicole.....and I am a soccer mom.

Or at least I have been for the past 14 and 1/2 years. I have chauffeured, fed, laundered countless muddy/bloody jerseys,cheered, complained, played a little ball (emphasis on little) occasionally..you know in a jam. I have been supportive..and I have been obnoxious...and tonight? It is all coming to a close.

Cody is playing the last game of his senior year with the FEAST Patriots. After starting at the ripe old age of 3, when they color coded goal posts and everything. We are finishing this chapter in our lives.

Cody has decided that he will not play for college (unless necessary for finances). That he would (gasp) like to focus on his studies his freshman year.

And let me tell you..we are finishing out in true soccer family style. Lack of compassion and everything. The kiddo is sick. Like he ran a fever for 3 days..but THIS? THIS was his last tournament..and a State tournament at that? So what did we do? Like a good soccer mom..I loaded him with Tylenol, EmergenC and Day-Quill..and said..are you sure you want to do this? Just let me know if we need to leave...and then we headed to the tournament.

I visit with other parents while he practices with his team. I cheer with every goal he blocks. I complain when I think there are unfair calls...and when he comes back at the 1/2? I rush down to the bench and ask

How are you holding up? Should we go?

And Cody? Well..he looks at me like I had grown a third head..and very matter of factly holds up a bottle of Tylenol and says..I'm fine..I'm popping my pills.
..He drinks some water..and goes off with his team.

I return to the bleachers..because..you know..I'm fine, I popped my pills is just what all mothers want to hear.(yes..that was a touch of sarcasm there) and then I proceeded to watch the second half.

They won. Cody lied down on the cement to rest between games. I can't let it be.

Do you want some food?

No..Cody peers up at me through squinted eyes,again with the three-headed mom look I'll throw up.

How's your head? I persist. Does it still hurt?

Honestly?..I can't even tell. I offer to take him home again. He wants to stay..and I..am relieved. Because sick or not? This is where I want to be..on our final weekend. We both know we need the closure.

So Cody shuts his eyes and takes a mini-nap..right there on the cement between games.

Big B and I leave him there to find some food for us, because we are not sick. We reminisce. We discuss how quickly the years have gone. When Cody first started playing he still did not talk. I mean really did not talk. But he was drawn to soccer, and Big B and I were pleased to see him interacting with other kids without, you know, hitting them. So Cody started soccer at the ridiculously young age of 3.

He had an awesome coach that just pointed him in the right direction and let him take the ball to the goal. Every game he would give the team (all those 3, 4 and 5 year olds..because Cody played with this team for 3 years) the same directions. Did everyone get there magic gum for after the game? (Bazooka gum). Does everyone have their tattoos? (they often wore matching wash-off tattoos..to scare the other team)..and then Coach Ray would end with

V..you're the pilot of the plane.R..you're the left wing, A you're the right wing...and don't forget..get the ball to Cody and point him in the right direction. If he scores for the wrong team? I hold the entire team responsible. Just turn him in the right direction.

And this strategy worked for 3 years! When we moved to Bandera..there was no year-round ball. Cody played seasonally, and attended some camps at the Jewish Community Center and one of the local colleges.

Then? We hit high school and realized we need to expand our ball playing to other cities. Cody played with the homeschoolers in the private school league..he played Club Ball (Div. 2, Div. 1, Select, etc.).He played rec. ball. He played pick-up games. Until the Fall season of his Junior year. Cody was starting to play in more and more competitive leagues. Which he thought he wanted..but once he hit that top level? He realized it wasn't for him. Cody missed playing for fun. So he decided to resign from Club ball..and just play for fun and the home-schoolers.

And during all this time we spend endless hours in the car. We listen to books on tape when he is young..now? We listen to c.d..with songs like "wordplay" by Jason Miraz and "wiseman" by James Blunt..and always..or almost always..In Italia. Because In Italia?...is his getting in the zone song.

So now here we are. 14 and 1/2 years of soccer games...and we are still ending with obsessive ridiculousness. Cody's fever broke. Thank goodness. But he did manage to sprain his ankle during the second game last night. So after sleeping late, we discovered..a swollen, slightly discolored ankle. Before I could say it Cody responded. I'm playing. We'll deal with it later. So I prop him in front of the t.v. with a bag of frozen spinach on his ankle. He spends the morning watching Shaoulin Monks throwing hay through an eye of a needle..and a documentary on the organic coco industry. We serve him french-bread pizza for lunch. Big B informs me in a panicked whisper that Super S is out of bazooka gum! (Big B sees this as a very bad omen)

And now? Cody is dressed..ankle wrapped and ready to go to his last game.

It is the State Final (They made the final round) The Patriots from Tyler vs. the Patriots from San Antonio. I'm betting the Patriots Win!

But win or lose? We are about to have some closure. Cody is leaving this part of his life behind..and moving onto other things. Schools, jobs, etc. My boy is growing up....new doors are opening.

So I leave you with our final traveling song. Ciao.

Wanna Play?

2011-01-24T06:47:00.000-08:00

It has been almost a year since I engaged in true, unadulterated, childhood type play. I remember it fondly.

I had promised the Odyssey of the Mind teams from the Boys and Girls Club a nerf-gun war. It was their end of year party..and I even promised to participate. The play began a week before. I make arrangements with parents and kids to have the Club to ourselves on a Saturday afternoon so we can take over for our war. We are forming teams (randomly) and playing some weird mix of "capture the flag" and "dying a dramatic death" if you get shot.

It feels weird to plan play. But I realize, it has been a long time since I, myself, a 40something year old adult..have engaged in imaginary play. This realization hits home a week before the big event, when one of the boys pulls me aside to share his strategy.

Miss Nicole..you see, I'm gonna be in stealth mode. You..you are the decoy. R and L are the snipers..and ...I listen to the plan..for another 20 minutes. I can imagine it. I am the decoy. Ooh..I think..what if I pretend to go downstairs..and really? I'm behind the couch...How could I distract them?

and it hits me. I am already playing. I have let my mind engage in an imaginary world that is so vivid I can smell it. I have begun creating characters..I am slightly euphoric. I am beginning to remember how to play.

I played A LOT as a child. Our neighborhood was the mecca of childhood play.

Starsky and Hutch? I was always Hutch because I was blond. Bubba was Starsky. Yvonne was the Boss. Everyone else? The bad guys! We rode our big-wheels, communicated with our walkie-talkies..and we played day after day. Week after week, summer after summer. But we were not limited to Starsky and Hutch. There was also..Charlies Angels...or more original. Candy Land. Where the entire neighborhood would engage in an imaginary game where there were chocolate lakes, and candy cane trees..and an evil king that was trying to make our world (gasp) ordinary. We spent evenings looking for U.F.O's. We started a Private Eye Club. I mean..come on..we knew how to play!

When my children were young, I decided I wanted this for them. This childhood of play.

So Big B and I minimized the use of electronics...and let their imaginations run wild. They were ninjas, and oil diggers (I still have a large hole in my back yard), they were Pokemon. There were neighborhood treehouse wars and flashlight tag. In hindsight..I think this is the best gift. The gift of unstructured, childhood play..that Big B and I could have given them.

I am writing about this now...because play has been on my mind a lot lately.

I think it started as I was going through some of Bug's toys. He is only 8 months. At this time..he is happy with a box. He seems to spend a lot of time investigating blocks (when his cousins don't steal them) and investigating the teeth and eyes of various stuffed animals. This is plenty for now.

Then? We discover at a recent visit to the pediatrician that Bug is dealing with some mild hip dsyplasia. His hips can go either way (in the words of the doc.)..so he is being monitored. He may develop okay..or he may need a spica cast.

So then I begin to wonder? How do we keep a baby in a spica cast engaged in play? I am so not a stick the baby in front of the t.v. person. So we start searching for ideas. We brainstorm a quick list. There are still his animals, interaction with people (a given), a wagon to transport him to the garden, maybe some bongos?, We realize the possibilities are endless. That, yes..there will be times when we may (gasp) put Winnie the Pooh on t.v. but mostly? We will let the kiddo play. We simply will have to come to him..and meet him in an imaginary world.

After I realize we have him covered in that all important play department, I quit worrying. We will know soon enough how life will unfold for him.

About this same time we see a news feature on "sports training for infants an toddlers." Big B and I watch in stunned silence. Not just at the concept..but at the numbers of families who choose to train infants and toddlers for organized sports. Wow. 'Nough said.

And then I have a dream..that I am playing in the snow. Pure play. My friend Laura (yes, Mameesh..you) and I are intentionally sliding in snow to fit through a door of an igloo. The igloo door is our target. We had a blast.

And then I woke up.

I realize that I need to find an outlet for my own need for play. I am still working on this. Because truth is? It is harder to find adults who just want to play. But it can be done.

Today the kids and I are off to my friend Brenda's ranch. Why? Because she called me last week..and when I answered the phone. You know what she said? She said. Nicole..this is Brenda..what are you doing next week.

Wanna come over and play? You betcha!

What's for dinner?
Monday-Community Dining: baked fish, rice, salad
Tuesday-meatball sandwich casserole (or veggie burgers), sliced apples with caramel
Wednesday-herb crusted chicken ratatouille, veggie nuggets, peach cobbler
Thursday-stuffed (spinach and cheese) pasta shells, french bread, green beans
Friday-soccer tournament? Pizza?
Saturday-soccer tournament/ Wild Game Dinner at Grace.
Sunday- grandma's house

MLK March 2011

2011-01-17T15:12:00.000-08:00

This is our 12th year of attending the M.L.K. March in San Antonio. One of the biggest marches in the nation.

This year we did not go with any organization. (homeschoolers, Darfur Coallition, Trinity, etc.) We simply went..and then hooked up with a group of Lutherans from various churches around S.A.

On the way to the March the kids and I discussed briefly why we still march. Our country has come a long way in civil rights for ALL people since it's founding. It still has a long way to go.

We meet up with Rhonda and her USAA crowd 1/2 through the march. Here she is with Jack.

Cody decides to be sneaky and secretly fill Rhonda's pockets with fliers and water-bottles. Thing is? There were lot less politics today than in years pass. People marched for peace. As opposed to x cause or y cause. I have not seen this happen in almost a decade. It created a different sense of unity. And in lieu of recent political discourse/divide in this nation..I think it was a welcome break for all.

But back to the sneaky boy . Rhonda should soon discover all sorts of treasures in her pocket. Also? Cody gave out gold stars. Okay one gold star. To Jack..because he believed he should receive one for traveling the farthest in the Lutheran contingent. I don't know which was funnier that Jack wanted a star, or that Cody happened to have stars in his wallet!

This next picture is an attempt to portray the numbers of people..but it was hard to get because..well..you might get run over.AND...the boys were in a hurry. They now know what to expect on this march.

See the Boys and Girls Club. Perfect I just happen to have my Club card. (Austen) The hot-chocolate is around the corner. (Devin) I already looked..it's still here!..but the line is too long.(Cody)..and so on.

After the march we meet up with my sister and Bug where they are staying. We swing by grandma's for lunch...and while we are there grandpa books a flight for Cody and I to visit Kettering U. because CODY HAS BEEN ACCEPTED TO KETTERING! Which right now, is his first choice. He will attend Kettering's Prep for Success workshop (with co-op info) and look closely at finances before making any final decisions.

So we hang at grandma and grandpa's long enough to discuss college angst, the march and watch Bug and Cody fall asleep in the living room, before returning home to prepare for community dining.

What's for Dinner?
Monday:community dining- beans, ham, biscuits, baby carrots
Tuesday: (soccer game) lazy day stew and/or veggie burgers
Wednesday: mini Italian (venison) meat-balls, mushroom risotto
Thursday: sole in saor, baked zucchini, french bread
Friday: (soccer game) eat out? Soup or Salad?
Saturday: chicken parmigiana or veggie nuggets with noodles and sauce
Sunday: roast, Sicilian potatoes, fried okra,salad

Blindness

2011-01-14T08:06:00.000-08:00

This is my son Brian on his 20th birthday. He spent it with friends at the river in our backyard.

Brian is well, the taller, skinnier,anglo guy in the pic. Also? You wouldn't know it by looking, but he is the one with partial vision.

Partial vision, being the technical term. My son can see some shapes and hues. With glasses he is still legally blind. But with medical contacts (which reshape his cornea) he is partially sighted. He wears these contacts minimally. A few hours a day at the most. They hurt.

Sight loss can affect anyone. While it may cause some real problems, it in no way makes the visually impaired a victim. Brian is one example- of many- with legal blindness, blindness or partial vision who live full, active lives.

January is National Glaucoma Awareness Month...and while Brian does not have glaucoma. He does have keratakonous. So I thought I would take this time to share a little of Brian's journey into this world of limited vision..so far.

Brian left home at the age of 16 to attend the Texas Academy of Math and Science at the University of North Texas. On his first semester home, he complained of headaches and a scratch in his eye. We did not think much of it. He had severe allergies and had done fine on his eye-chart in his physical not 4 months earlier. We gave him allergy meds and sent him back to school.

The following summer Brian returned to Bandera and worked at a biomedical engineering lab in San Antonio. At the end of the summer, he received his drivers license. He still complained of a scratch in his eye. But we could find nothing.

Brian graduated from TAMS, complaining his eyes were tired, but we all assumed it was too much late-night studying. Then? He went to renew his license shortly after his 18th birthday. I received a call.

Mom..I can't pass the vision screening. Angee (his girlfriend) is taking me to get glasses and then I'll try again.

We chat briefly..and then the phone rings.

Mrs. Bates..uhm..this is Angee. We're at the office..and well..it's not good. Here you talk to the optometrist..and by the way. He's a REAL JERK. He's yelling at Brian in the waiting room and everything.

I wait for this optometrist. Angee is not one to over-exaggerate..and I am still trying to process what is happening...and she is right. This guy is a real piece of work.

Mrs. Bates?! Are you this boy's mother?! Have you EVER taken this boy to have his eyes tested?! I am testing him..and he is blind. He has keratakonous. Do you know what that is?! You need to take care of him or he is going to be at the Lighthouse for the Blind...and then I just here blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

My mind races. Is that bad? Lighthouse for the Blind..and hey..wait a minute. We took him regularly when he was younger...and where is my son now?..and why is this man yelling at us? God..let me talk to Brian. I want to know if he is okay. ..and guilt. Brian TOLD us something was wrong.

Angee gets back on the phone.

Just leave.I tell her. Get Brian and leave. We will schedule an appointment with an opthomologist, but you guys don't need to be there.

No..she says.Brian wants to stay. He says the guys a jerk but he needs to hear what he says. I'll call you when we're done.

and she hangs up.

I call Big B..He is already halfway home. I call my mom since she lives near the office the kiddoes are at. (I am still over an hour away). She talks to Angee and they agree to meet.

A few hours later my mom and Brian call. They went to another office for a second opinion. This doc says he understands the first optometrists concern but to please disregard the panic. He is a bit excitable sometimes.(now if THAT wasn't an understatement) Still..a follow up with an ophthalmologist would be advised.

A few days later we are at the University Health System for an appointment. Several tests are run on machines that are NOT EVEN AVAILABLE at the optometrist..and in the end. The jerk optometrist was right. Brian has keratakonous. Now what?

Brian is referred to a keratakonous specialist..and guess what? The doc has keratakonous himself!

Brian and Dr. Z spend a lot of time discussing possibilities..and decide, for a while..to leave things alone. Glasses help his vision and they will revisit medical contacts down the line, if necessary. Because..after all..they hurt. Dr. Z asks what Brian is studying..and encourages him to keep maintaining his lifestyle and pursuing his dreams. After all..look at me, says Dr. Z, I'm still practicing after all these years! (He is an older gentlemen)

So Brian gets his first apartment in Austin where he starts UT's School of Engineering. He learns the bus routes..and crashes on his bike. A lot. But Brian is happy.

That first Christmas Angee drives Brian to his follow up with Dr. Z. You know..says Brian, casually, my glasses really don't help much. He and Angee report that Dr. Z agrees. His eyes are getting worse..but neither Brian or Dr. Z want to try contacts yet.

Then? Summer. Brian is walking up to and squinting at EVERYTHING. I insist on going to this appointment. He makes me promise not to get too worked up. I promise.

Holy Moly. As he reads the eye-chart (WITH GLASSES ON!)with his first eye. He says..Hmm..yeah..let's try another line. Next line up.(Big Grin) How about another line? The woman giving him the screening skips a few lines. Yup.says Brian,Just what I thought. I propose that there are probably some letters there.

I see the slight panic on this nurse. She checks his chart and with a sigh of relief says

Oh..keratakonous..you're one of Dr. Z's. She skips straight to the one big letter at the top. And Brian with another big grin says...yeah..that would be a letter too.

I remember that I promised I wouldn't over-react.

Really Brian? I laugh..That was quite sad.

He shrugs.

I am relieved to discover that on his other eye -his good eye- Brian can still read the top 3 lines, sort-of.

Brian meets with Dr. Z..they agree that the time for contacts is now. I watch as he teaches Brian how to put them in..and gives him a plunger (YES..a plunger) to remove the contacts. I watch Brian's tears of pain. I hold back my own tears.Why? I wonder..does there have to be so much pain.

The following year Brian and Angee share an apartment. Brian invests in some good sunglasses(because the light hurts his eyes..especially if he has his contacts on) and a more user friendly computer keyboard (that allows him to make things really big on a screen). Brian and Angee agree on a bottom floor apartment so Brian will not have to navigate steps. Over the next year and a 1/2 they develop a lifestyle for themselves. Angee works with Brian not to make faces when he is trying to see. They develop a way of communicating things..like you're shoes are backwards or describing things on a t.v. screen discreetly so others don't know. They ski, they travel, they work, they study, they play.

Yesterday, Brian and Angee were visiting one last time before returning to Austin for the Spring semester. Brian mentions that when his good eye gets worse..he will probably need a cane. We touch on the possibility of a corneal transplant. But when would be a good time?

Apparently..never. Because the kiddo graduates this Spring with his BA in electrical engineering!!!..and hopefully, will be accepted to grad school in the Fall. Essentially Brian believes he is too busy for such a thing as a corneal transplant. Angee suggests scheduling a time for this between their "life plans". Brian will meet with Dr. Z again during Spring Break.( I suspect Dr. Z would like some input on this planning of theirs.)

Somehow our discussion turns to how many authors of The Great Books of Western Thought...were blind.

As we perused The Great Books Collection we found more and more. So I thought I would share the list we compiled here today:

Milton, Galileo, Homer, Huxley..

and then we got sidetracked by the French artists...Monet and Degas.

Then just the list in general (other than the obvious Louis Braille and Helen Keller) There was Franklin Roosevelt, Harriet Tubman, Joseph Pulitzer, Handel..and many, many more.

So there you have it folks. The sky's the limit.

I am so grateful for my son Brian. I am grateful for his girlfriend Angee, who helps him develop a lifestyle that allows them both to live fully. I am grateful for the strong support of friends he has, that truly enjoy Brian for who he is.

A brilliant, goofy and awesome young man.

Starting off the New Year with a Bang.

2011-01-01T12:51:00.000-08:00

and that is not a joke!

7 teenage boys. A yard that is firework legal...and boys who have been making explosions for a year. Now with the perfect excuse to BLOW THINGS UP!!

and that is what they did.

But in the meantime? We ate..and ate..and ate.

Here are some pics. All are too dark because the camera is just funky that way. Sorry folks. My house really doesn't have a permanent orange haze.

First I would like to introduce the cooks as they prepare for a Party of 25.

Austen really is in his element in the kitchen. Here he is filling the pots. 2 large pots..One for crab with shrimp..one for crab without. You know..I really can see this kid with an organic cajun cafe' one day. If not..well his family will still eat well!

Which..by the way..reminds me. For anyone who is aware of the cut the dreads or not question. Austen was accepted into the local Explorers program. However he is respectfully delaying/declining this opportunity.

Still trying to prepare academically to enter a culinary arts program (dual credit) next Fall..and he is assistant coach for an O.M. team. As soon as O.M is done he will be headed for his month of living off the land. Literally. So it looks like he will be the dreaded boy for just a tad longer.

As for the rest of the cooks?
First we have Brian and Richard in the kitchen. Brian loves to cook. So, Austen comes by it honestly.

Angee and Mrs. Ong were drafted. Apparently? I do not have the proper cooking gene. Angee and her mom politely let me know that they would be happy to "not waste so much shrimp." I was fired from shrimp prep.

Before long....4 tables were set with butcher paper, wooden hammers and crab forks. (some from a nice crab opening set and some stolen from Joe's Crab Shack). Food was poured directly onto the tables.

Wah lah! Party In Full Swing!

Devin, Mason and Austen eat while plotting what explosions to create next.

Katherine and Chris..also explosion plotting.

The rest of us just enjoying our food!

What can I say? We eat. We laugh. We visit.

Bug decides it is way past his bedtime at 10:30. No amount of noise will awake him. He sleeps through firecrackers and all.

We visit some more..and some brave souls even venture out onto the back deck to warm themselves by the chiminea while watching the kids. Devin puts on some awesome fire-works displays. Mason teaches the other boys how to build more explosives..and oops. Sorry Uncle Brian..that wasn't supposed to land between your legs! Big B gives us all a scare..but he is fine and rejoins the deck crew for more.

At midnight we toast eachother with Mimosas and Sparkling Ciders.

Below is a sampling of some of the awesome but frightening explosions of the kids.

Happy New Years!

New Year's Ammonium Percholorate det (20 gram)

The Greatly Revised Night Before Christmas (with strange fonts..not sure why)

2010-12-27T12:18:00.000-08:00

Twas the night before Christmas, when we left grandma's home
We were so stuffed with latkes, that our mouths they did foam.
We watched Santa on Radar. Channel 5, with great care.

And rushed to Bandera to meet the man there.

The children were tucked in both of our cars.

They put on their headphones and looked for the stars.

Austen and I dressed in jeans and our coats.

When we took a short detour to feed some friends' goats.

When just as we turned down the road in the muck.

I see Santa driving buy in an old pickup truck.

"Did you see him?" I ask my dear son, "He's still in view!"

But lost in his music, he hasn't a clue.

We arrive to our friends, but concerns soon arise.

When the gate is unlocked yet we continue. Unwise.

My son walks in the house, while I wait with phone in hand.

He quickly returns, and scans the surrounding land.

Nothing is missing, but things are not right.

We debate what to do on this strange Christmas night.

A few calls are made, and we continue on our way.

I wonder. Oh, I wonder about that Santa with no sleigh.

Once back at home, with our family near.

We open the treasures which so miraculously appear.

E-books and clothes. Bows and arrows and more.

I 'm enticed to the deck to find a chiminea in full roar.

We warm ourselves by the fire and comment.

On how such a strange evening still leaves us content.

We are truly blessed without a doubt.

And now off to bed, before the sun peeks out.

As I cover myself with my blanket in bed,

I replay Christmas eve. Rewind in my head.
And as I nod off, I know all is right.
"Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good-night!"

What's for Dinner?

Sunday: Caprese pizzas

Monday: community dining-spaghetti with (or without) meatballs, green beans, french bread

Tuesday: parmesan crusted chicken with creamy risotto, salad

Wednesday: grilled portabella bruschetta

Thursday: salisbury steaks or veggie burgers

Friday: New Year's Eve-Cajun Crab Boil

Saturday: tacos

Dear Bug...

2010-12-20T15:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Bug,

First let me start with, I'm sorry you have acquired the nickname Bug.

What can I say? Sometimes these things just happen. I realize that Uncle Brian, your cousins and myself have been merciless. Snuggle bug, bed bug, snotty bug, little bugger,( insert bug name here)...and now we have taken your beautiful name: Levi Thomas..and you have been dubbed Bug. Please know..it is said with full affection from all.

Now the main reason for this letter is to let you know how glad I am to have you with us this Christmas Season. (your first!)..and. to help you understand some of the nonsense around you. Maybe I can even give you a clue or two on how to survive this Holiday Season .

But first things first. I had NO IDEA last Christmas season, that we would have the honor of sharing this time with the wonderful, growling monster, tree-eating, boat motor spitting, bug you are. I am so proud of that big heart you so openly share. You are a true LOVE BUG. What a pleasant surprise for us! Sometimes? Life has those sneaky little surprises. I hope you learn to recognize and LOVE THEM when you get old like me.

Now..onto this Christmas stuff. You know how we have spent Wednesday evening at the soup and salad dinner and then advent service at the church. Well that is because we like to get together to celebrate this time called advent. Advent is the time of pregnant anticipation in which we await the coming of Christmas Day. We can go into more details about Christmas day when you are older.

For now..just know..we celebrate with family and friends. As we enjoy our food, we remember and reach out to those who are hungry. As we warm ourselves by the fireplace,we remember and reach out to those who have no shelter. As we enjoy our time with family and friends, we remember and reach out to those who are lonely. It is also important to take some time during this season, to allow ourselves to grieve for those who are no longer with us.

Compassion, love and hope are key themes that this season represents.

Now, one of the ways we celebrate Christmas is by sharing gifts..and sometimes we even receive them. Then, of course, is all the magic that comes with that Santa Guy I told you about.

But for now, back to these Christmas gifts, and the sharing of Christmas magic...that is why the house has been SO CRAZY lately.

So here are a few hints to help you through this and future seasons.

Hint 1: Not everyone is as meticulous as Cody and Ellie. So when buttons must be sorted..it is not necessary to sort them by as many details (or to place them in patterns)as they choose. Your cousin and his ever gracious girlfriend are simply a bit quirky sometimes.It is okay to be a bit more laid back..like your Aunt Nicole...or Justin. But taking the example of these guys and jumping in to help make presents..is always appreciated during the holidays.

Hint 2: While Aunt Sandy appreciates the help in the kitchen. It is not necessary to show her how you spit while you are around the banana-bread batter. You CAN help mix things and laugh and play while you do it like your cousin Austen and Devin if you want. Help in the kitchen IS also appreciated during the holidays.

Hint 3: Not everyone who practices music for various holiday occasions puts the wrong guitar strings on their guitars. That is simply because your Aunt Nicole and Jack are amateur musicians. Real musicians? They are a little more put together. But professional or amateur doesn't matter. Music is one of the coolest parts of the season...and music reminds me of our next hint.

Hint 4: Many families listen to Christmas music. The usual repertoire consists of songs like Silent Night,Oh Holy Night, Frosty the Snowman and here in South Texas Feliz Navidad. Now a few of these songs you have heard (and will hear)in church. The rest? Well..I am so sorry. Your cousins have been a bit difficult about my Christmas C.D.'s this year. So for now, you will have to be content with AC/DC, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Nickleback. Maybe things will be different next year.

Hint 5: Now this is your last and final hint. But it is probably the most important. Your Aunt Nicole is not a chew toy. For that matter, no human is a chew toy. Some people would even call it biting. Please refrain from chewing on us. It hurts.

I believe that is enough for holiday-season hints.

Your cousin Brian and Angee both missed you the other day. They will see you when they return from Colorado. They also LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

On Christmas Eve we will all (like your mom, your brother, aunts, uncles and cousins) go to church with grandma and grandpa. After church we will go to grandma and grandpa's house for tamales, crackers and oysters, eggnog, etc. It will be a late night for you..I would suggest a nap during the day.

All for now, we have community dining to prepare for. I think a bath is in order before company arrives. After all, Stink Bug is not a flattering name.

With Much Love,

Aunt Nicole

Full Day Ahead

2010-12-10T07:32:00.000-08:00

I read a quote on the SonLight Forums (SonLight being the Lit program we use) last week. A mom simply stated

I keep having the feeling that something great in my life is going to happen..just around the corner. And then I realized..it is here. I am living the something great. here. now.

I have been thinking about her statement quite a bit in the past week. I know the feeling..as do many. That the great thing in life is coming..tomorrow, next week, next year. I just need to x, y and z first. So I stopped planning and took a long hard look at my life, now

I have learned much from the guys at the prison where I occasionally worship. I am learning to live life fully. To appreciate and celebrate every moment of it. I am realizing how wealthy (not necessarily monetarily) life can be for all.

...and I realize I am living the something great. here. now.

I know some of my friends and readers are very skeptical about using the word blessed. But blessed is how I truly feel.

I truly do not believe in a Santa Claus God that blesses some and punishes others based on their acts. I believe in a God that is love. And sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things happen because we are human beings that live in an imperfect world. I think our blessings come in how we appreciate or recognize what we have, no matter what the circumstances in our lives are. The blessings come in appreciation and the message of hope.

It is as simple as that.

That said. Today is the last day the older boys and I are doing any type of formal studying for about a month. The past 5 weeks we have gone nonstop. Writing, reading, mathing (we are pretending that is a word), discussing and all over again. I have almost finished the work I need for my Parish Ministry Training Program classes this week. What is left should not take more than an hour.

Now? Back to life, This simple thing known as nothing extravagant, ordinary life.

I wake up...to a crying baby. We snuggle..Big B still calls him Clingon. I prefer Snuggle Bug. Coffee with Big B..then? Play/carry the Levi kiddo for a couple hours.

We learned this week, that my sister has been accepted into a transitional housing center. Meaning? She and Levi have an opportunity to call someplace home for the next 2 years. Also? The center is fine with Levi continuing to stay with us during the week. So..Yay.

It is 9 a.m. now..and here I am, playing on a blog. In a few minutes I wake up the older kids and we eat french toast and scrambled eggs while discussing economics. I really am savoring this time at home. I have no idea what my life will hold in 6 months. I will be working, somewhere. It will be a necessity. So I savor this time I have now.

This afternoon consists of a trip to the library, a Christmas Tea, a short stop at the Club, a soccer game and then off to the beach.

It is a wealthy life we live. All of us.

I challenge all of my readers- all couple of you- to take a moment to reflect on the wealth in your own life.

To live life fully. Here. Now.

What's for Dinner?
Saturday: ?
Sunday: tacos
Monday: community dining (Arguelles home) Chicken soup..and chocolate martinis(?)
Tuesday: lasagna (spinach and mushroom), french bread, salad
Wednesday: meatball sandwiches or veggie burgers, fruit salad
Thursday: eggplant parmesan, bread sticks, salad
Friday: make your own pizzas

My House Exploded

2010-12-05T19:00:00.000-08:00

Really.

We have a sign on our back deck that says Danger..

Originally, the sign was created for that time of year when Odyssey of the Mind teams took over our house.

Then..as various "works in progress" continued to take over our deck year-round. (I.E...rockets, recycling copper, building missiles, plant experiments, etc.) We also added to our deck decor another sign...stating simply Leaders in Progress.

But Leaders or Not..this weekend the house literally exploded with people, furniture, paint, grinders, etc.. The mess is all compliments of the big people....and this weekend was FULL of creative-messes.

Friday? Not too messy, actually. Just your usual to-be-expected-when-learning-at-home type mess. The boys (Cody, Austen and Devin) spent the morning writing essays and studying economics. So other than books all over the living room floor? We were still okay.

Then Devin, Austen, Levi and I headed to SA. Cody (ahem) stayed back to study more???? The rest of us visited with my parents and then all of us..(Calvin, my parents, Devin, Austen and myself) went to the hear the Christmas Vespers at Texas Lutheran University.

Awesome.

Saturday is when the real explosion started....
First came the venison processing (What do you expect? It's hunting season, here in the Texas Hills)

Pictured are Sandy and Crystal just goofing around in the kitchen while we start the meat grinding (lovely, no?)

Then? Big B and Ricci start packaging the meat.

Meanwhile...

Cody, Devin, Austen and I return to the den. It's time to paint. We find some fairly safe paint for Austen to be around in San Antonio...uhmm..until we run out. We kick Austen out of the room (and later the house) while we finish with paint we buy locally. Above is Odio rolling out the spots I made too thick.

As we wait for paint to dry, Sandy and I take the opportunity to drink choco-vino and put blondish highlights in my hair..and then?

Andy arrives with his deer. More processing and packaging.

And before you completely gross out. I would like to set the record straight that EVERYTHING the meat touches is sanitary. The hair highlighting and painting are happening in other rooms of the house.

By nightfall, we are exhausted. None of us remember going to bed. We just sort- of ..woke up this morning to a crazy, exploded house.

Sunday I leave early in the a.m. for another day of worship, prayer and fellowship at a local prison. When I return..................

My living room looks like this!

For those who have been to my house before? You know this means most of my furniture is missing and the piano has found it's way back to my living room. For those who have not been to my house before? This means most of my furniture is missing and the piano is back in the living-room. (It's been several years)...

This room is a pleasant surprise after tripping over people and furniture all day yesterday..But Hmm...Where Oh Where Could the Couches have gone????

AHA! Here they are. The Shaggy Boys are sprawled out on them in....

THE NEW COZY LITTLE (BABY FREE) DEN!

What's for Dinner?
Sunday: Turkey, green beans, dinner rolls
Monday: (Community Dining) 15 Bean Soup, taquitos..and waffles???
Tuesday: Minestrone and grilled sandwiches
Wednesday: Baked fish, baked potatoes and peas
Thursday: Quiche (plain or kale and mushroom), salad, tomato soup
Friday: Leftovers- Cody has game. Big B and I are off to the beach!
Saturday: ? Boys are on their own..Big B and I ..still at the beach!

Thanksgiving Weekend in Pics!

2010-11-26T16:51:00.000-08:00

BRIAN'S HOME!!
We spend Wednesday with just our immediate family (a rare occasion in itself)..eating dinner, catching up with each other and playing with Levi.

Here, Levi shows off his latest crawling maneuvers.

Austen and Brian spend a few hours just talking and going over gyro-copter plans. Then all three boys stay up way into the night playing MineCraft

Thanksgiving Day? I make the boys - all of them- Brian, Cody, Austen, Calvin and Levi..pose for entirely too many pictures. It hits me that this may be the last year with everyone home. Brian and Cody both graduate this Spring. (Brian from UT, Cody from..well..home!). I do not know where they will be living at this time next year.

Selfishly? I hope they stay in Texas. That way..I can see them on all the holidays! After all, it's all about what mom wants..right?! (sigh) no one else agrees either!

But if... they live..in say...Michigan..or Pennsylvania..or Massachusetts? Well I just hope they find a nice family to spend the holidays with!

So I take all these pictures. I lose the camera. So...no pics.

On Friday we wake the boys up at noon. It is our family tradition to put the tree up after Thanksgiving..and leave it up until Epiphany.I think the boys all sense it may be the last year..because this year? They do not argue, moan or groan like they have the past few years.

Here Brian and Cody decorate our tree.(Brian took pity on me and let me use his camera phone)

..and now Austen? He is placing the baby-proofed ornaments on the bottom of the tree. You know..things like..NOT GLASS!

The Boys Pose for a variety of tree-poses. I was fired..because, they obviously, take MUCH BETTER PICTURES than me. Here are my dear, charming, unruly boys. Gotta love them!

This pic was taken shortly before they all took off to hang-out with friends and girl-friends for the rest of the weekend.

and finally?

The Advent Candles

Advent is one of my favorite parts of the season.

I know the colors have changed over the years...but I love the tradition of gathering around the candles in the evenings and reading the Christmas story. One week at a time. Lighting the candles along the way.

It is a time to reflect, to meditate, to wait.....and to enjoy some of the magic of the Season.

A few years ago, my good friend Leticia passed away just before Thanksgiving. Advent was a season Leticia treasured..and I hope to pass this tradition on to her daughter/my god-daughter Katherine.

Most years, Katherine helps me set up the candles..but this year? She is having her 10th birthday party! So I promise Katherine I will set up the candles..and on Sunday, (the beginning of advent)...... We are roller-skating!

Katherine and I agree to light the candles together during her Christmas break.

What's for dinner?
Saturday- broccoli/cheese soup, grilled turkey sandwiches
Sunday- barbecue for friend's birthdays?? and veggie burgers
Monday - not sure..community dining? I'll be at Cody's soccer game.
Tuesday- lasagna, salad, french bread
Wednesday - Swiss steak, pasta salad, salad
Thursday-veggie tacos
Friday -make your own pizza

Baby Free Zone?!

2010-11-22T08:49:00.000-08:00

also known as our Den In Progress.

Several years ago Big B and I moved to the Tx. Hills. Our intention? To build a log cabin along the river.

1 year later we were still in the single-wide trailer that came on the lot. Still arguing over floor plans (and budget and time frame)...for the log cabin. We decided it was healthier for our marriage to buy a double-wide.

We spent the next 4 months looking at homes and finally found a floor-plan we loved. It had a living room with den attached, dining room, kitchen, morning room/laundry, 2 bathrooms and 3 bedrooms.

Then? We stumbled on this same house (only the den was a bedroom!)...for sale in Bandera.
If we bought the one off the lot? We would save almost 30 grand.

It was a no brainer. We would replace the green carpet, and turn the bedroom into a den. It would be less expensive to remodel than 30 grand.

So..you guessed it. Here we are 12 years later..and we still have green carpet...and we still have no den.

The den was originally going to be used for piano/violin lessons. Well..we just gave lessons in the kitchen or living room instead, until I stopped teaching.

Last summer Big B and I decide we really could use that space after-all.

Guests have no privacy on our pull-out couch in the living room. The teens and young adults needed some space to have an electronic explosion. (not literally..think Wii, guitars, lap-tops and..okay..electronics being taken apart) I do not want the explosion in the living room.

Big B and I agree. It is time!

Instead, we start a garage.

..and along come Levi...and also? Jack (2 years) and now Charlie (3/4 weeks?)..for community dining..and now Malachai (1 year) and Reini (3 years)..a couple days a week. Meaning?

The babies are everywhere!

Don't misunderstand. We love having the younger crowd around. Cody and Austen play with them, tease them, carry them, feed them, and try to protect the house from little fingers...and in return? The babies adore the boys.

Reini shows her adoration by hiding under the piano when it is time to leave. Everyone looks and Reini is not to be found. When she is...it is always followed, with loud wails, tears and No..No..you CAN'T find me! Try again. (more sobbing) Jack continues to bring the boys random items...blocks, little people, cars. Malichai throws things at them...and Levi shows off his latest noises. This week? Levi can make spitting sounds that sound like a boat motor.

Sometimes , all this baby love can be a bit overwhelming for the older kids.

For example, last Thursday, Cody, Austen and friend Devin tried to write a timed essay. While for some people, essay writing is a cinch, this is not the case with these guys. Especially timed...because in years of self-directed learning..no one ever chose to write timed essays.

Until now. Why? Because these young men are practicing for ACT, SAT and Accuplacer.

So...back to the essay. I start the timer. The boys look at the writing prompt..and Levi and Malachai have a squealing contest.

Then? Malachai starts throwing cereal from the highchair. The cereal repeatedly hits Cody in the head. This causes Malachai to laugh hysterically, causing the boys to lose all concentration, because cereal on Cody's head is way more interesting than writing about reasonable expectations for the ethics of leaders.
While Malachai throws cereal..Levi makes boat noises..louder and louder and louder.

...and yes the boys managed to write essays. They almost made sense.

The boys and I agree. The time for a den is NOW.

So Big B, Cody and Austen remove walls, replace walls, add a huge entrance (that will be blocked by a baby gate!). We are not normally baby-gate people..but this is to keep the older boys in..really. The boys continue by putting up sheet rock..and we paint the floor (YES we pulled out the green carpet..but cannot afford the floor we want) a blue/grey.

This is to be the older kids space. The baby-free zone. The one and only zone in the house, where they can be teens/young adults...without playing with babies. This den..is their line in the sand.

Here's hoping we finish it soon.....

Epilepsy (long post)

2010-11-11T11:08:00.000-08:00

Cut the dreads?!?!

Austen is debating joining the local law enforcement Explorers program. This would mean...(music please) cutting the dreads. But he is not sure.

As unimaginable as it may sound for a child of mine, Austen thrives in paramilitary environments. His experiences with Scouts and Civil Air Patrol have proven this. But...these programs (Scouts aside/Explorers included) usually have an emphasis on career exploration. Careers..that Austen are drawn too. AND careers whose doors remain closed for Austen.

Why? Because Austen has epilepsy.

It is estimated that 3 million people in the United States are affected with seizure disorders today.

According to this article The Scope of Epilepsy and Seizure in the United States

The severity of epilepsy varies from person to person. In an ongoing study sponsored by the Epilepsy Foundation on the impact of epilepsy and the cost of the illness, several distinct patient groups were identified. In about 60 percent, no additional seizures occurred after one year. In an additional 15 percent, several seizures occurred over time, but eventually ceased.

And in an unfortunate subset, amounting to about 40 percent of the total epilepsy population, seizures persist despite treatment and are considered intractable.

40 %! That is crazy. My sister, Tania is one of those 40%. My son, Austen..appears to be in the 15% (we are hopeful, fingers crossed) but it is too soon to tell.

Today, I am sharing Austen's story.

Austen is our numero tres son. Other than a few minor concerns about his growth (or lack there-of) and some delays in walking. Austen was a healthy baby. In early pre-school years, the concerns started to grow. Austen was ALWAYS sick. Asthma, pneumonia and bronchitis...along with numerous allergies.

The Spring before Austen started kindergarten, my friend Cookie and I loaded all three boys into her car for a month long trip to D.C. and back. We camped and visited family along the way. We stopped in numerous museums..and Austen chatted non-stop about being an army doctor.

When we visit the memorial wall in D.C...my little boy stands still..for a very long time. I stoop down in front on him. He has been silently crying. Austen looks me straight in the eyes. This should not happen. I have to be an army doctor. Maybe some of these names would not be here if I had been there. I dry his tears and think of his constant bronchitis. I assure him these men had doctors as well...but that I'm sure he will help people in the future. But first..don't you think we should start Kindergarten?

Austen started kindergarten wearing size 4T. He missed often due to bronchitis. When he was in class, he was in trouble. The teacher did not know what to do with him. He was always day-dreaming, wandering off or running around the room. Once? He danced on the desk! Just before Christmas, it was agreed that Austen should try Kindergarten again in a year..and by the way the teacher says, we think he is adhd..please consider putting him on medication. Here is the name of a psychiatrist we recommend.

Austen came home. We read books, he fished. We played with horses at a nearby girl-scout camp. We cooked, we painted. We went to LOTS of doctors. Pulmonologists, allergists, cardiologists (his lips were turning blue)...and we went to an assessment center through our local university health system to see about the adhd concerns. I had my doubts..but something was up, that was for sure.

It was discovered that Austen was CAPD and maybe ADD. Meaning..he had been trying to lip-read in the classroom. Hence..the constant running around. Still..all was well. No meds needed. Keep in touch if anything else comes up.

This continued..this learning at home..and constant illness for a couple of years. We dragged Austen to the activities of his brothers. Karate, Soccer...Austen would proudly cheer his brothers on..before falling asleep at the dojo or soccer fields. Why? Because he was SO TIRED and his head hurt. Austen always has a headache.

Just before his 9th birthday a friend of mine pulled me aside. She was Austen's scout leader..and she trained paramedics in the paycheck world. Nicole, she said, something is not right. He is getting more and more confused. He is wandering off and looking geuninely shocked at us. Sometimes..I think he doesn't know who we are. It's almost like..I don't know..a Hodgkinslike look or something. What are the doctors saying?

She is right. I know she is right. But the doctors have ruled out their major concerns..and keep trying to help him breathe. They don't know. I respond.

On his 9th birthday, Austen has a small party. Among the gifts received..a cool video-game. The boys are only allowed to engage in 4 hours of electronics a week. Austen is determined he will use all his 4 hours on THIS GAME...and he does.

The next morning, as I'm lying in bed. I hear tip-toeing in the next room. It is Austen.

That little sneak. I think to myself. He thinks I won't hear him playing. (His 4 hours are up for the week). I stay quiet to see if he is actually going to play the game. Yup..I hear the sound of the game..I hear race-cars...and the volume is quickly turned down..and I hear banging? Austen..AUSTEN.

He appears to be ignoring me..and I am stunned at how shameless he is. I walk into the living room to scold him..and there he is. Curled on the left side in a fetal position..game in hand...body banging. Austen is having a grand-mal seizure. I time him. (I learned this with my sister years ago). At 45 seconds he stops. I carry him to the couch and wake up his brother Cody.

Come on. I tell Cody.We have to take your brother to the hospital.

Cody rides in the back. He nurses Austen's head in his lap. Austen has no idea what is happening. We drive for an hour to the nearest emergency room. Cody keeps giving me an update. Mom..he's still breathing. Mom..he twitched. Mom..he's still breathing.

As we pull into the parking lot. Austen opens his eyes. Oh. he says.

Austen looks around..and looks at Cody. What are we doing here?!

You had a seizure. I respond. We're here for you. Come on we need to get you checked out.

Austen grins, he shrugs and skips into the E.R.

Once I convince the triage nurse that Austen REALLY DID HAVE A SEIZURE...they agree to run an EEG ..mostly to humor mom.

..and then? He seizes again. Then again. EEG records abnormal activity not just when he is obviously seizing..but even while he is just telling jokes to the nurses.

We are now welcomed into our new home away from home, at Methodist Children's Hospital and the Texas Neurological Institute. Austen meets his new best friend. The neurologist who continues to work with him today.

Over the next couple of years Austen's seizures get worse. We discover he has been having drop seziures, petit mals and nocturnal seizures for a while. Hence..the purple lips, day-dreaming and constant fatigue.

Austen begins the medication maze. We start with depakote. As the depakote dosages increase and the years pass, Austen becomes less focused in his thinking..he starts to have memory problems, his amonia levels get too high. It is time to switch to lamactal.. Austen spends 3 months being withdrawn from depakote and increasing lamactal. Then the lamactal rash starts. Another 3 months and daily visits to the nurologist..to lower, then slowly increase lamactal again.. Lamactal doses continue to be increased year after year. At his worst Austen is averaging 6 seizures a day. He begins hyperventilating and develops leg tremors.

Yet he remains optimistic. He knows he is better off than some of his friends at the T.N.I building...and even though he can no longer play any video games, go to arcades, movies that flash,etc...he feels really sorry for Joe. When I ask him why he says..Mom..he can't wear headphones! So..in Austen-land. All is well.

Austen's headaches continue.

This picture was taken during one of Austen's harder years. Here he had been home for almost a month due to uncontrolled seizures. Cody shows him how to play guitar.

We make the best of it. Big B says obnoxious things. For instance..one day when Austen's left leg kept trembling Big B..looked at Austen and said.Hmm..I think you like a girl. Shake your leg if you like a girl.
Austen would grin ..Dad..it's not funny. Stop. And then he would laugh.

We learn that Austen's triggers are flashing lights,needles (and this is a kid that needs LOTS of blood work), messed up sleep cycles and math.

It's a sequencing thing..so we cook and play games in place of any formal math work.

Many of Austen's asthma meds disrupt his sleep patterns. Our family physician and neurologist work closely to come up with a reasonable medication cocktail to enable Austen to function with the best life-style options possible. As his sleep becomes manageable..and his nocturnal seizures decrease, Austen finds the energy he never had.

Austen discovers gymnastics and roller hockey.

We are upfront with the gymnastics instructor. Not a problem, says the awesome gymnastics coach. He's most likely to have a seizure after he works out. We have mats on the floors. He'll be fine. The neurologist agrees...and encourages us to help Austen develop his risk-taking abilities...and so we do.

We realize Austen likes Roller Hockey because he can wear a helmet and blend in with everyone else. He becomes an active skater at the Boys and Girls Club. He rides bikes. He swims...and he has friends. We add karate to his list of activities.

Austen's friends are crucial. I have never seen so many supportive kids in my life. Birthday parties are planned in places Austen can attend. (I.E...no roller-skating and pizza places with flashing lights). Questions are asked to know how to help if and when. Austen's friends are protective of him.

..and then there are the brothers.

They are supportive, they are protective, they are obnoxious. I walk into the living room one day when Cody and Brian are trying to teach Austen what he looks like when he is having a grand-mal. The boys think this is great fun..and they could scare mom! I start to protest..but I realize, they are supporting Austen in their own, twisted, brother way. So I leave it alone.

In this picture Brian is putting sunscreen on Austen. During this vacation Austen was fighting headaches and a medication rash the entire trip..but he was determined to have a good time...and he did!

Just before Austen's 11th birthday the neurologist calls me into his office. He would like us to consider surgery. Austen is on the same dosage of depakote needed for a grown man. The neurologist is concerned about liver damage...and if Austen is going to have surgery it needs to be either now, or after puberty.

We begin a series of tests.

More psychological, more EEG's, sleep apnea, MRI's, educational (to see what areas of his brain are affected). We discover Austen is dyslexcic, dyscalculic, and dysgraphic in addition to having memory loss. We contemplate putting him in school. The specialists advise us to keep him home. We are informed by the school district he would be a home-bound student if he were registered. After all (all medical and educational professionals agree) Austen shouldn't work on more than 15 minutes of formal academics at a time. It is too hard on his body. More testing..and...

It is decided that Austen is not emotionally ready for the surgery.

We have a no brain surgery for now ice-cream celebration.

In time, Austen gets better at managing his own lifestyle. We plug along with minimal book work. His short-term memory is shot. We think this is because of meds..but we are not sure. We make sure to show him pictures of people before any function so he can remember who they are. We tell and retell family stories over and over. We continue to read to Austen. We visit lots of museums and see lots of plays. Austen continues with karate, gymnastics and roller hockey...and then he gets pneumonia again.

When Austen is 12- almost 13 -our family physician refers him, again , to a pulmonologist. Austen is diagnosed with chronic pulmonary disorder and his meds are changed again. And you know what? They start to help...and as Austen's breathing becomes more regulated, the frequency of his seizures seems to decrease.

The headaches? They continue.

Austen joins Civil Air Patrol when he is 14. He flies planes, he becomes an element leader. AND he is really good! I love to watch him drilling others.

There are certain things people do that- when they have a gift..or simply really enjoy doing-makes them. beautiful to watch. I love to watch my son Brian do katas and complicated math problems. I love to watch Cody play soccer and work out computer programs. And I love to watch Austen when he is choreographing a drill..or working with a drill team. He is beautiful.

Just before Austen's 15th birthday, his neurologist decides to take him off of his meds! We are stunned.

I know, he says. It makes no physiological sense. Let's just say, serendipity has struck again.

He pats me on the shoulder and gives me a wink. This is the way to decrease his meds. Call me if there is a problem. Otherwise? Austen..I hope to never see you again.

Here is Austen lighting a camp-fire for brother Brian's 20th birthday camp-out.

I would like to say that was the end of the story.

It is not.

Austen returned to the ER last Spring with a migraine that led to an altered mental state. This led to another round of testing with neurologists and cardiologists. But Austen is still off of meds...and for the most part his memory seems to have returned.

It has now been determined that Austen has Bickerstaff Encephalitis. Essentially, his brain stem swells as a reaction to pulmonary stuff (originally). One of the times his brain was swelling, he received lesions on his left-frontal lobe. Causing permanent scarring -hence epilepsy. The brain swelling occurs off and on. This is Bickerstaff. We now know that this swelling is triggered by numerous food additives.

Today Austen is 16.

He sits in my living room reading Peter Pan as I type. He still works as Junior Staff at the Boys and Girls Club.

He quit Civil Air Patrol a year ago.

Austen realized he would never be able to be in the air-force and decided to turn his attention another direction. He spent a year directing all his attention to Odyssey of the Mind..and now he is searching, yet again. My son will not be an army doctor, an airforce search and rescue guy..or Drill Sergeant. But Austen is amazingly social, bright and resilient. He contemplates opening a cafe, being a museum curator..or maybe..maybe..he will be president...

Austen misses the structure, the leadership training, the camaraderie and the challenges of the Civil Air Patrol environment, yet he seeks to grow. Austen seeks to soar beyond his limitations..and accept the ones he cannot change.

I do not know what Austen's future will hold. Will he stay relatively healthy? Will he get sick again?

I do know that Austen is a strong-spirit. I am lucky to be his mom.

So..the question, for now remains. Will Austen keep his dreads?

Lazy Day Bliss

2010-11-09T11:10:00.000-08:00

It is starting to feel like Fall here in the Tx. Hills - also known as the land with no seasons.

This morning we awoke to a howling wind. Levi is up and ready to play at 4 a.m. Somehow, he hasn't gotten the message there has been a time change. No explaining will do. Levi is not interested, in the least, in day-light savings.

I place a kettle on the stove. Cinnamon tea it is. I place a Louis Armstrong c.d. in our kitchen c.d. player...and this seems to have set the tone for our day.

I absolutely love days with no agenda.

Austen is still recovering from hunting over the weekend.Too much time in the cold..his asthma is in full swing.Yet he is grateful. You know,he says with a grin, I'll take this kinda sick over a migraine any day. At least I can still function. Cody is swollen, bruised and bloody (it's soccer season).

We are finally finished with transcripts, grants, soccer paper-trail, etc. Working on Cody's transcripts motivated me to be a little more organized with Austen. So..Sunday night I started putting Austen's transcript together. Oh my.

I show him what he has accomplished (in that highschool transcript checklist sort-of way) so-far. Austen is still a sophomore, he has completed the equivalent of 2 years of highschool English, 3 years of science, 2 years of social sciences, and numerous electives..but math?..and .. you know Gov't and U.S history. Well..We do have another 2 1/2 years. We agree to switch math programs that might be more effective for Austen.

So anyway..after all this paper-trail, trying to be organized stuff..on top of just feeling puny. We decide a lazy day is in order.

The boys have spent the morning reading.Cody snuggles under the blankets in his room to read Hamlet, Austen sprawls out on the living room floor to read The Story of US (Thirteen Colonies). He is next to Levi. Levi has spent most of the morning trying to learn to craw. Occasionally Levi and Austen get distracted playing peek-a boo with a quilt..which for some reason Levi finds hysterically funny. I rotate laundry, pack stuff to give to the Ronald McDonald House, start some minestrone and play on the computer.

Occasionally we converse with each other. Austen wants to know if I know what a privateer is. He is enamored with the idea of a pirate that works for a king. I mean, really. What could be cooler?

At one point, Cody wanders into the living room. We discuss whether to give away an old science set. Before long I realize that the boys and I have spent over an hour in conversation. A range of topics from telescopes, netflix, suicide... privateers.

Cody decides to make omelets for lunch. Austen is not far behind.

Now? The kitchen has been raided, bellies are full. All studying seems to have ceased..and we are planning a movie/ Terminator-Sarah Connor Chronicles marathon for the rest of the day...complete with left-over Halloween candy.

Ahh..lazy day bliss.

What's for dinner:
Monday: community dining at Balsley's (or Balsley take-out for those at soccer) Spaghetti!
Tuesday: minestrone, grilled sandwiches, sliced tomatoes and cucumbers
Wednesday: three cheese tortellini, salad
Thursday: honey chipotle salmon, wild-rice, broccoli with cheese
Friday: make your own pizza
Saturday: swiss steak, bread sticks, spinach salad
Sunday: linguine with Alfredo sauce, stuffed clams, green beans, sliced fruit

In the beginning

2010-11-04T06:42:00.000-07:00

(John1:1) In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Over a year ago I attended a 1/2 day Biblical Story-telling workshop. The speaker told of a challenge he received in college to memorize his favorite Gospel.He chose Mark. I have thought of this often in the past year.

It is no secret that the bible was never meant to be read. It was meant to preserve the stories. As in oral -storytelling tradition stories. (okay..I know, I know..the letters from Paul, etc.) Still..most biblical stories are meant to be told. Not read.

I am drawn to John. Always have been. But really? It's the longest gospel. I'm not that talented. So I tuck the idea in the back of my mind and leave it there.

Then? I begin reading some of St. Teresa of Avilla's Interior Castles. I am working on letting go of anything that holds power over me. Primarily..ideas of social status, and memories. Memories that are good, bad..or simply never were. I take these ideas/memories and hold them individually and collectively...and then I pray. I pray for guidance on letting these things that hold power over me go. I pray and listen...and as I listen? I keep coming back to the book of John.

So..I am trying to memorize the book of John. So far? I am comfortable with story telling John 1:1- 5.

Yeah..back to the not that talented. Yet I am compelled to try. And somehow? This feeble attempt to know John...well..is helping me enjoy (okay all you Eckhart Tolle fans) the here and the now.

So..as for the here and the now? I would like to tell a tale of another beginning.

It was the beginning of my marriage to Big B. We were young, naive, broke..and hopeful..that we could really make this work.We dared eachother into this venture..and then headed to the flea market (because we like flea markets..) to search for wedding rings.

Fast forward a decade+. I have lost my ring .Rumor has it , it might be on a ship in Corpus Christi somewhere. Brian has broken his at least 3 times. We spend a few years without rings. For the last year and a half? We just keep talking about looking for some replacements..you know..when we have time.

So this weekend? We made the time! We spent the weekend in Port Aransas with the Van Bibbers , Balsleys, Devin and Austen.

Cody chose to hang at sardinemama's house for the weekend. Brian and Angee? Studying still.

Pictured here are Jack and Rhonda early Sat.(Sun?) a.m..

and pictured here are Austen and Devin with newly discovered costumes from a yard-sale.

On Saturday, we messed around in souvenir shops..when I thought. Aha..we should get beach rings! We can afford them...and the mission began.

We went from shop to shop- Big B and I ..dragging all the other families (complete with the wolf and dragon boys)and I would explain our plight.

Here's the thing, I begin. We (motioning to Big B and myself) lost our wedding rings a few years ago. We would like to replace them while we are here..but we are on a budget..and sort-of irresponsible..so we might lose them (break them) again. Still..we enjoy being here (Port A) and would like to try. Could you help us?

And most places did. Shop 1? We found cool rings made of shells. But they only fit me. Shop 2? Wooden rings..but Big B didn't want flowers. Shop 3? Nope. Then? (and by now we have lost everyone else..they were much more interested in t-shirts) Shop 4: Two women helped us dig through a bucket of womens rings. Finally Big B finds one with waves. He grins. This is it. I like this. We decide it is perfect because we have spent 20 years "riding the waves of life together."

Another search through the bucket of mens rings..and we find the match.

By this time the rest of the crew have wandered into this shop. The woman behind the counter directs us to place our rings on eachother's fingers. She waves her hands in a grand gesture and announces that we are officially rewed.

...and we are off to enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Best laid plans...

2010-10-28T07:44:00.000-07:00

No Levi this week. It has been odd. Quiet.

My sister had a week between school terms...so she and Levi are spending 9 days together! (gasp).

I am happy for both of them..but wow..it has been eerie without the kiddo here.

I had grand plans. To tame the laundry monster. To put away the pack-n-play. To catch up on all my homework for the SAM class. To crochet at least 2 blocks for Cody's afghan. It's a tough pattern. Cool though. You can see it here.

Instead I redid the same 5 chains on the 3rd row of the 1st block..like..way too many times. We decided a trip to my friend's ranch was in order.

We like to go to her ranch. She tries to show me how to crochet. (and often does a lot of it herself!). The boys run around blowing things up. It's perfect!

Actually? We visit this ranch about once a week. Austen has decided NOT to go kayaking in Canada this summer. Mostly..because he didn't want his mom tagging along. Yes..I was fired from my son's summer trip. Instead he is spending a month surviving.

The day after his 17th birthday, we are dropping him off at this ranch. He has agreed to call my friend once every morning and evening. If he does not check in..they will search for him. He can start fires, catch and cook small wild-life (remember..the snake?), plant and eat veggies, etc. He knows where to find clean water, etc. What scares me? Mountain lions. But this is something he really feels he needs to do. So we let him go.

I know..from kayaking in Canada to survival in the Texas Hills seems completely incompatible. Big B and I agreed to send him to Autrailia, New Zealand and Fiji if he holds off on international travel for another year. He can go with People to People. We are comfortable with this organization..and more importantly? He won't have to bring his mom. But it is pricey..so he will have to wait.

The laundry? Still everywhere. I must get rid of some clothes.

Pack-n-play? Still set up filled with (gasp) laundry!

My own studies? Well..how about started one assignment out of 4.

But..I insisted we, you know, studied earlier this week. So we did.

Hamlet and more essay writing (Cody decided to add another college to his list) We spend a day studying economics and perusing a local college library for resources on various research papers. Devin is writing on the history of computer gaming, Austen on zombie lore. Cody..was writing on the loan industry..but changed his mind. He is still deciding.

..and me? I must choose a church leader from the last 50-60 years to write a paper on. It's for my ethics class. I chose Archbishop Helden Camara. Because I love to quote him "When I feed the poor, they call me a saint, but when I ask why the poor are hungry, they call me a communist."

I mean really. How can you not love that?!

So today is the day we head to the ranch...and I am going to have to tell them ..uhmm..oops?

Oh yikes..the boys are going to kill me..I need to spend the afternoon at a local non-profit. A nice mentor has taken me under her wing to teach me business basics..you know..for future reference. We had planned to meet for an hour later this afternoon. Now? It has turned into 4 so I can attend a webinar on quick-books and stuff.

Hmm..maybe if I wake the boys now..we can squeeze in a couple of hours of play...

The Sexy Mom!

2010-10-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

Yup..that's me.

At least according to the facebook quiz guru from "What kind of Mom are You?"

My quiz results come with a picture of a half naked girl leaning on a car and everything. Which, by the way, I really don't get. I've never equated naked with sexy. I mean really. A tender act...a flirty eye...an assertive (not aggressive) gesture..these things..I may find occasionally sexy. But nakedness? Uh..no.

Okay, picture of girl and car or not? I'll take the quiz results. Why? Because it is coolio.

I expected to get, you know.."soccer mom", "neurotic mom", "kool aid mom" but nope. Sexy. ..and the best part is. I can horrify my children.

I mean let's face it...this is the family that says things at dinner like Mom...(total exasperation in voice) you are sounding like a GIRL!! (This is usually when I am trying to explain how to be nice to someone..or something along those lines) I often respond to this passing commentary with Hello! I hate to burst your bubble..but I AM A GIRL...you are my child..I gave birth to you and everything...that's how that works.

This usually involves laughter from my brilliant boys because the thought of mom as any gender is just amusingly ridiculous. Then, inevitably..the boys look to Big B for affirmation that I am not saying I am from mars or something. He usually responds with a surprised look..and then..Oh..yeah..it's true..your mom really is a girl. And dinner continues.

According to the facebook quiz? .I am sexy because, among other things, I take control of a situation in a cool and calm manner. Yes..I had to laugh, too.

So we have been cooly and calmly crazy-busy. Not hectic-like busy. Just getting stuff done, busy. Because this is our "off" week as far as studying goes. So it's a now or another 3 weeks from now kind-of thing.

The past few days have been spent creating and sending transcripts, gathering letters of recommendation, creating course descriptions and school profile, etc. for that Cody kid.

Here he is at The Cove..some time this summer, with girl-friend Ellie. (who just had an amazing piano recital)
Ellie and her family are also going through that pre-college craziness. And craziness really is what it is!

When Brian applied to schools we did not have to provide a mass amount of extra paper-work or have higher expectations as home-schoolers. Cody? He's applying to different schools.

So...I kid you not..he has to score 6 points higher on the ACT to get into his numero uno school of choice (University of Houston's Bauer School of Business) than his public-schooled peers. 6..and that's just to be considered. I mean..I'm all for accountability and all that..but really?On a scale of 1-35..with the mid 20's being the lower end of the scale (for the traditionally schooled kids) .6+points!

For his numero dos choice ..which seems to quickly be moving to numero uno (Kettering University) we simply needed to summarize and list resources for every single one of his English, Math and Science courses during his high-school years-as well as create a home-school profile. This was more time-consuming..but it made sense.

His numero tres choice at this time (Schreiner U) ...treats him like everyone else. He's good to go, if he so desires.

Also? I just finished another day of SAM (or Parish Ministry in Training Program) classes. The SAM program is a three year program designed to train and certify synodically authorized lay ministers to serve in the Southwest Texas Synod of the E.L.C.A.(the Lutherans).

See? I'm studying hard.

Actually? Our class is meeting at St. John's Lutheran in Robstown this semester. My dad had rented a condo at the beach (30 minutes away) for my mom's birthday. So..lucky us. Austen and I hung out with my family on Padre Island.

Austen played in the water and hung out with my nephew. We (the 15 SAM students in our rag-tag group) studied the artisan's uprisal led by Demitrius (Acts), spent a few hours discussing church administration and best of all worship! We reviewed the seasons of the church year..had way too much fun mimicking Herod. We practiced presiding over communion. Oh...it was SO MUCH FUN!!

Okay..so I like worship stuff..call me a worship geek. Actually? Call me whatever you want.. doesn't matter.

Because according to facebook..

I'm a sexy mom!

Welcome to House Lived-In

2010-10-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

(Sigh..Grin) Well..I'm not in Oakland anymore! Lot's of quick reality breaks in the past week. But glad to be home nonetheless. I am extending an invite to all my Mills friends (and old St. Anthony's crew or out-of town family) to come visit!!! You might be surprised at what Hill Country Texas has to offer. So, just in case you are interested..I invite you on a tour of house lived in.

This is the last paved road outside of my subdivision. Occasionally, you may have to wait for traffic.

Once you enter our home you will be greeted by Dino.Dino is our official greeter/shoe guarder. There will ALWAYS be a pile of shoes.Feel free to kick yours off and come on in.
.

More than likely, you will next be greeted by the dreaded boy. Austen will greet you in our living room. He will share his latest talent (this week it is guitar drumming) and tell you his latest tale. Here he is regaling us with tales of a recent snake chasing, skinning, cooking over a campfire and finally snake- tasting adventure. Ooh. Gross!

We are not picturing Cody because he will be ghost-like. He will enter the room. Say hello. Share some dry humor..and vanish as quickly as he came.

If you take 5 steps through our living room (possibly over a circle of children playing Quelf) you will enter our dining room. Yes..it is frequently surrounded by a ridiculous amount of chairs. You too, may join us around a crowded dining room table. We will offer you a beverage of choice (lemonade, tea..hot or cold, water, beer or wine) Unless it is nice weather and the mosquitoes are on vacation. Then? We will move this dining experience to the back deck.

If you veer to the left you will be in our kitchen. This is where it all happens. Conversations, spills, wine pouring, more conversation. There is not usually a table in the kitchen..that was temporary to hold presents for a baby shower. At the far end of the kitchen is Levi's corner/toy room/music room/laundry room. It is the second most used room in the house.

But don't expect to find Levi there unless he is wide awake. Otherwise..someone will be wearing him or he will be sleeping here. In our bed. Our bed has mysterious sleeping powers. Children between the ages of birth-18 often find there way to it. The older boys say it is because Big B and I hoard all the good blankets. Could be.

Not to worry. If you choose to visit..we have pull out couches, boys bedrooms and a tree-house in which you may crash. .

And best of all?

The great outdoors. (Not pictured here) Complete with 4 wheelers, tree-house, chickens, deer, garden sort- of, a river(complete with tubes shallow/deep areas and rope swings), a camp-fire, trampoline and a deck to just enjoy the view from...and sporadic hole-digging under the deck.

Okay. Crying baby and need to get the rest of these Texas boys and friends moving to study some econ.

Hope to see you soon!

Goofiness of Home Life

2010-10-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

Ii is going to be another goofy day, here on the home front.

I'll take goofy. Goofy is good. Especially when you are sleep deprived.

..and I am definitely sleep deprived. To be expected in a house with two teens and an infant.

Last night, Levi had a little pee-party (not to be confused with tea party) in our bed. So..at 3a.m..I am bathing him..and changing clothes..and..sheets...well, you get the picture.

Big B? He slept through the whole thing. (Even while changing sheets!)

So it was no surprise that I was a tad punchy at 6 this morning when the little man finally returned to sleep..just as Big B's alarm went off. I realized there was no point in trying to go back to bed...and then? I got the giggles.

I found it amusing that we were lighting the fire-place for the second morning in a row..when we knew the weather would reach the 80's mid-day. But..our heater is broken. (Yes..there is always something broken)..so it helps take the chill out.

I get the giggles at the ludicrousness of the entire situation. Then..I stretch..you know..with a cup of coffee in my hand. (I forgot I was holding it)..and you got it. I pour the coffee on my head! It took me a few seconds to figure out what was pouring down my hair...luckily it was luke-warm. I must have looked absolutely insane.

Big B looks at me and can't stop laughing.God..he says..I sure hope you get some sleep tonight. I picture him in bed as I am trying to change the sheets..and this, too, strikes me as funny.

But I can't get mad. Because..if I were working as much as he has been? I would be dead to the world.

Besides..it's a nice change Because yesterday I was feeling so whiny. (..and no..I am not losing my mind here)

Actually, ridiculously whiny.

Why? Because I want clear direction as to what I am doing in my life. (I know..who doesn't).

This new desire to know what I'm doing when I grow up started with the grant-writing last week. I really enjoyed it. Weird as that may sound. There is something really cool about grant writing. It's like a puzzle..only with the written word. Which if you are a problem solver who stinks at aesthetics, like myself..is a good thing.

Selfishly? I got to hang out in an office. Visit with other adults...listen to other people's kids in distress...and solve a written puzzle.Also? I started day-dreaming about working...and then followed up on the dream by applying for a job. (Hence..leaving the possibility open) Then? Top it off with a weekend full of love and and laughter with old friends?

Who wants to return to the daily grind.

Monday I received a call from anonymous job. For a variety of reasons, they will be postponing filling this position for several months. Would I please consider reapplying then and working on a contractual basis in the meantime. Instead of being relieved because it is more practical for all of us at home..I find myself a tad disappointed.

I realize later that I am more disappointed for Big B's sake than anything. I mean lets face it..being the sole provider for a family of 5+ is a lot of pressure. I wanted to be able to take off some of the pressure. Otherwise..well..I have waited a long time to have this sort of time with my family. I do enjoy it...even if the family is weird.

..and they are a tad goofy..

Levi is showing me just how goofy we are. As I see more of his own personality developing..I realize that being goofy is such a luxury.

For instance..he has acquired a fuzzy pink hat. We originally handed it to him as a toy. It vanished for a few weeks and recently resurfaced when I cleaned under my bed. The kiddo LOVES this hat. He wears it as much as possible. How does a 4-5 month old know to put a hat on his head?/ Then..I look at his cousins. Just in the past few weeks Levi has become more and more enamored with Cody and Austen.

Cody...wears a baseball cap often. Austen..a fedora (yes, with dreads and all). So...I suppose it is only natural that Levi would wear a pink fuzzy hat.

Then there is the opera. The boys listen to music in their rooms in the evenings. I usually happen to keep the t.v. on the coffee house station in the mornings. So one morning we accidentally passed the opera channel. There is a beautiful tenor singing..and Levi is attentive. So attentive, that he tries to sing along. Since then, we have turned the t.v. onto the opera station every early a.m. (Still coffee house when we are studying and stuff). He still sings every single time a tenor comes on. Levi is NOT a tenor..but he thinks he is.

The list of goofiness is endless. But what a gift..to be able to be oneself in the safety and comfort of home. I embrace it fully.

Now..I am off. The boys are hanging in the living room, writing an obituary for Sherlock Holmes.And then we can put Holmes to rest. (no pun intended) Next week?

Canterbury Tales. Because I am just sure that the 14th Century British version of Saturday Night Live will eliminate all goofiness.

One Human Family

2010-10-04T10:39:00.000-07:00

The adventure began in Austin, Texas.

(darn no pics..I'm having uploading issues)

Rhonda..my partner in crime in numerous exploits...including Odyssey of the Mind, parenting and various ministries....agreed to come with me to the Mills College Reunion in Oakland, Ca. But when the shuttle dropped us off at the Southwest terminal in Austin....We began to panic.

We tried not too. (panic that is) Really..but wow. We had WAY underestimated the check-in and then there was the security line. The line which was literally snaking all over the airport.

And this is how Rhonda ended up accidentally (and it really was an accident) trying to bribe TSA so we could catch our flight. I won't go into too much detail here..but let's just say..that instead of being body searched and put on a no flight list..we luckily passed through security and made our flight in time.

Lucky us!

..and then the fun really began!

Laura picks us up at the airport. Actually, Laura picked us all up at airports and B.A.R.T. stations. Thank you Laura.We enjoy catching up throughout the day. Later we pick up Mitra and Lisa. Christy will meet us at the hotel later.

We decide to wine and dine at Ceasar's ..or is it Cezar's?Over mojitos and something to eat (wow..I don't remember what we ate!). We talk. We catch up on family, jobs, relationships past and present. We discuss chickens, nurolinguistic programing and the quickly fading understanding of political discourse along bi-partisan lines. Essentially? We enjoy our inner geekiness in the company of old friends.

Ahh..so refreshing.

The next morning (Saturday) we meet the rest of the motley crew at the alumnae house on campus. Where we eat, robe-up (for convocation) and schlep ourselves over to the concert hall. Still visiting. Now? We reminisce on strike stuff.

Delores Huerta is the convocation speaker. How awesome is that?! I hope, one day, to be as vibrant and effective with social justice as she is. She reminds us (after touching on various race, class and gender issues) that we are one human family. That it is our responsibility to provide compassionate justice and to defend our fellow human family members. I think she pretty much summed it all up with that.

Convocation ends with the women from this year's graduating class (2011) leading in the singing of the Mills traditional "Fires of Wisdom" . My peers and I realized we did not remember how to sing the tune..or most of the words.I am glad to know I was not the only slacker in the group. But we DID try.

The rest of our time is spent visiting the campus and then going out in the evening.

This time to Mua's. There are nine of us. Laura, Mitra, Lisa, Rhonda and myself are joined by Anissa, Leslie, Kim and Christy. We are almost all from Reinhardt Dorm...now turned into a Center for Public Policy . (i peeked..my old bedroom? Now a classroom)We continue discussions from the day before..and add to our conversations memories from our years at Mills. Topping the list being skinny dipping, "borrowing" a car, a sea-monkey funeral and talking muffins. Geez I've missed these guys!

Rhonda and I cut out of the weekend early to return to Texas for a morning in a local mens prison.

At the prison we worship, commune, sing and pray with fellow brothers-in-white.

Our luxury of chocolate covered strawberries and champagne has quickly ended..and here we are eating prison food. The inmates remind us not to eat the meat. I eat sweet potatoes and a slice of bread.

After lunch I join Jack (Rhonda's husband) in a classroom with 22 brothers in white rehearsing. The English choir and the band. (Spanish choir is the next group) They are rehearsing for an upcoming Kairos weekend, as well as an upcoming graduation. I am struck by the lyrics of the song they have written for this GED graduation.

Please..be proud of me.

Wow. If that's not telling. I don't know what is.

Less than 24 hours before I was in a small auditorium of women in a fairly elitist setting fumbling through words to "fires of wisdom". A setting where we encouraged each other..just for being. Now? I was in a class of grown men (a mix of former Bloods, Krytps, Aryan Brothers...) joining together to celebrate a GED graduation of their peers...singing "Please..be proud of me."

..and I remember the words of Delores Huerta. We are all one human family.

She is absolutely right.

Both of these communities represent extremes in our society. Yet they are much the same.

Both communites revolve around relationships formed.. We laugh, we cry...we bend the law. (I mean let's face-it. Skinny dipping and security car "borrowing"? If those things happen off campus they might be construed as indecent exposure and car theft!) Charming, eh? We play jokes. We sing. We dance. My brothers in white..my Mills sisters..and everyone in between. We have everything different in common.

We are a human family.

(still darn no pics..still having uploading issues)

Tears

2010-09-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's age..maybe it's just super sensitivity. maybe..I'm just tired...

but I keep finding myself teary-eyed this evening.

It started last week. I went to the laundromat (our washer is broke again). I brought a book..

Then? Some of the Club kids spotted me. They introduced me to their dog. They told me their grades. They helped me put clothes in the washer...and then another Club kid -a graduating senior-joins us to discuss his plans to join the air-force. As we were sorting clothes and coins, I notice two children at the vending machine.

One boy, one girl. These children are younger than the Club kids. More pre-school/kindergarten aged.

The younger of the two..a little girl.. catches my eye. She comes over to join the growing laundry party. She shows us her mosquito bites. Her mouth is covered in candy residue. She is hungering for human interaction..and upon closer examination..I notice she has rat or roach droppings in her hair. Shortly her brother comes over also (mom has left to her truck to talk on cell phone). He assures me he is a good boy and a good clothes folder.

I want to cry.

I wish these kids were old enough to go to the Club.

They are not.

And I am reminded, once again, of the ripple effects that often come with rural poverty. We visit (these mysterious kids and I) as they help me with my laundry until I have to go.

This girl and her brother have been lingering in my mind this past week.It would be safe to say they are haunting my mind.

Then today? I am working on this BIG grant for a local non-profit, when I receive a call from Big B. He asks in a strange voice if I have talked to Brian-Scott.

Immediately my heart starts pounding What do you mean? Is something wrong?

Oh no. Big B responds..I just thought you would have heard about the shooting and be worried.

What shooting?

The one at UT..at the library.

That is all I heard. The library is home away from home for Brian and Angee. We (friends, family, themselves) make fun of them often for the amount of time they spend at the library.

My head begins racing. I want to cry. Big B must have heard the panic rising in my thoughts. He's okay.

How do you know? How about Angee? How about their friends? What happened?

He embellishes me with what he knows about the shooting on the UTAustin campus and assures me that as far as he knows..no one has been killed other than the shooter.

I am relieved. I call Brian-Scott.

He assures me he is fine. They are on lock-down..expected to be off soon..and he was asleep in his own bed through the entire thing! Oh..he says..and I called grandma to let her know I'm okay. I thought they might be worried.

It is not until later in the day that I learn that this boy who committed suicide is a 19 year old math major. I think of the boy. I wonder about his family. How are they tonight? I remember the children at the laundromat..and I cry.

Later I speak to Brian-Scott again. I wonder if they knew this boy..and if so..how are they feeling.
No..he says..I checked my class roster..I don't recognize the name. Angee does not either. They say their friends do not either...and I wonder about this boy and friends. Was he lonely? Was he angry? Suicide is always difficult to process. I cry again for this boy.

Now..I am treating myself to a break from dinner. We are eating breakfast for dinner here on the homefront.

Tomorrow (Wednesday) I take Levi to my parents house..and try to wrap up this grant.

Thursday I leave for the Mills Reunion. Friday hanging out specifically with fellow Reinhardt roomies. (the dorm I lived in a zillion years ago). Saturday..we return to Texas. It will be a quick trip so we can go back to prison on Sunday. (barring no paper-work glitches, etc.) and then dinner for the birthday of a family friend Sunday night.

So maybe..just maybe..I am letting myself be sentimental and teary..because I have the time to do so.

Working Again...really???

2010-09-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

What can I say?

This is not the plan..and we all know how well I follow through with my grand plans...

I am seriously considering a cool job.. I don't want to go into too much detail. Bad Karma and all that.

But it is SURE tempting..and unlike some jobs..this opportunity will not wait for me to be done with my year at home hiatus. (sigh..)..and just when we are getting a real rhythm going around here to0.

I've talked to la familia. Both immediate and extended.

Austen just grins and shrugs because he really doesn't care what I do.

Cody says we're poor and could use the pesos.

But sometimes Cody is tricky. He has a good poker face..and despite pretenses otherwise, will tell me what I want to hear.

I try to counter with how much I want to spend time with him this year..that he and Austen are my first priority..and while this job has a lot of scheduling flexibilities..it is very demanding..and will be time consuming.

Cody looks at me like I'm insane and repeats we're poor and could use the pesos. Austen nods his head in agreement, grins and puts his headphones back on.

I say but and before I can even think of a good but..Cody repeats himself again.

Big B says I think you'll be happy. It's a good fit...and it would sure take off a lot of pressure! (financially)..and he is right.

My mom says, I think this is a C.P. Snow decision..and you just need to send in your resume and be done with it. (the deciding factor). C.P. snow decisions in my parents house means..a decision you have already made but are not willing to admit you have made yet. Based on some poem.

I don't remember the poem.

I also didn't realized I had already decided..but I had..and she is right.

If I actually GET the job..not just the strong encouragement to apply (back to the karma and stuff) we -as a family- have figured out a way to make it work. You know, logistically, with continuing to study together, finishing the parish ministry training program, watching Levi and following up on soccer commitments and stuff.

We all seem to think it's a good move. For no other reason than it feels right. ..and these things never happen at a good time.

So..hold breath..cross fingers.

.and it's off to update, print and send a resume.

What's for Dinner:
Saturday: lasagna, garlic bread, green beans
Sunday: baked tilapia, baked potatoes and salad
Monday: community dining: chili (both vegetarian and carnivorous), corn-bread and salad.
Tuesday: soup and sandwiches
Wednesday: ? Austin with friend Rhonda, Brian and Angee..Salvation Pizza?
Thursday: ? arriving in Oakland!
Friday: ? Mills reunion

Life Lessons

2010-09-22T11:10:00.000-07:00

I received this as a forward recently..and thought I would share here. I will be the first to admit I fall short on some-many of these words of wisdom.

We have been busy..you know..studying. My parish ministry training class has started. I am, among other things, keeping an ethics journal (which I will spare you here), seeing worship in a new light and having many "aha" moments with administrative stuff. The boys continue with Sherlock Holmes, math, econ, French and O-chem. Soccer season has officially begun. I was looking forward to this last year as a soccer mom...only to find myself an assistant soccer commissioner? And most exciting of all, I am about to take a short trip to Oakland for a Mills College reunion! REALLY looking forward to it.

So...I thought I would share these life-lessons which helped me remember to be grounded at a time when I can easily get caught up in the "busyness" of life.

Hope you enjoy.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

by Regina Brett

2010-09-13T06:13:00.000-07:00

In my mind's eye, this photo of Austen and Cody is how I see them in real life.

Austen is often dreamy, tender-hearted, curious..and sensitive to the moods and temperaments of his brothers. Cody intense, loyal..and always aware of what his brothers are up to..while never moving from whatever he is focusing on.

Here Cody is engrossed in..I don't know, actually. not the point. If you look, Cody is slightly tilting the computer -which he shamelessly took from Austen's room- so he can share his discovery (whatever it may be).

They say nothing..No eye-contact is made. They are brother-bonding.

They do this often.

But catching it on film?..a rare deal.

What's for dinner?
Sunday: fajitas and veggie burgers
Monday: (community dining) Irish stew, parmesan knots, salad, corn-on-the-cob
Tuesday: minestrone, grilled sandwiches, sliced apples with honey
Wednesday: spaghetti, garlic bread, green beans
Thursday: baked fish, baked potatoes, salad
Friday: make your own pizza
Saturday:?

natural learning

2010-09-08T13:07:00.000-07:00

It is 2:30 on a wet, rainy Wednesday afternoon.

As I write, Cody is playing his bass guitar. Levi is pretending to sleep on my bed. Austen is watching a zombie movie...and the Rethinking Everything Conference in Dallas is coming to a close!

What was formally the Rethinking Education Conference has expanded to EVERYTHING. It is a conference that I hope/hoped to attend every year...for the past 12 years. But realistically? The cost exceeds our clearly defined economic boundaries. Besides..now? We are coming towards the end our learning at home journey.

Knowing about the conference, however..has had me wondering how we became so darned structured looking this year. (today not counting) I am a firm believer in natural learning. Hanging with Levi these past few months has reaffirmed that belief.

Someone asked me recently just who is training who here?..after I picked Levi up and carried him as soon as he began crying. ..and I responded by shrugging my shoulders and grinning. (I've learned this trick from my family).

Truth is no one. No one is training anyone. We are building a relationship. We are learning.

Levi is learning non-stop. Not just the motor-skills stuff..how to roll, how to hold, how to pull, etc. But how to smile, how to cry..how to use his voice. In other words..how to communicate..and after having one son that had difficulty with communication..I am pleased to encourage Levi's vocal opinions.

Levi is a free-spirit. I hope he always is.

..and so it is with our own children.

These past few years Cody and Austen have learned tons of cool stuff.(I am leaving Brian-Scott out of this because he has way out-grown our learning at home) Cody and Austen have learned or figured out how to build a sit -n-spin car, an escalator, water-wheel propulsion systems. How to fix cars..build garages, set tile, build homes.They have designed and built rockets. Flown airplanes (you know..real ones). All of this learning occurred as a natural extension of something previously learned. Cody and Austen have learned how to cook...a lot. They paint (watercolor), draw, sketch. They garden. They have learned how to teach small children to read and write. They have learned to coach, to mentor..to listen...and they have done all this in the safety and freedom of a childhood with very limited constraints.

..and through this Cody and Austen have learned to trust...

Trust..is priceless..and encompasses many roads.

One of which is this, Cody, Austen (and Brian-Scott) trust that they can learn what they need to move on to the next phase in their lives..and they are developing pretty clear pictures of what that is.

But this is learning that does not transfer well to traditional looking transcripts. How do you document..learning to problem solve, learning to draw your own conclusions, empathy, compassion, risk-taking, creativity. You know, all those traits necessary in developing leadership?

The answer is you don't..not really. So now they are doing what is necessary to reach their individual goals. They are jumping through the hoops, so to speak.

Cody wants to study information systems.. He does not want to take out a student-loan. Meaning..he is working, working, and working on cars right now to help offset his costs down the line. He wants to continue playing soccer for his senior year...and he wants to take time to enjoy this last year at home with family and friends.

To make this happen he needs some traditional looking course-work. Hence..the request for our more structured looking day.

Austen wants dreadlocks ..(happening Friday, by the way). He wants to go kayaking in Canada..(we are working on that)..and he wants to start the culinary arts program at St. Phillips next year. Meaning..he has to pass the accuplacer. Now Austen is a kid with a slew of learning differences..so this is not as easy as it may sound. It was at his request..that I ordered the British Lit. It was at Austen's request, that he does nothing but study, rebuild i-pods and volunteer at the Club this year..and so..back to our structured looking day.

But sometimes? Our plans take a momentum we don't expect.

For example..when Levi starts watching the shadows from the ceiling fan reflect on our bedroom wall, he gets VERY EXCITED. His arms start flying...his legs start flying..and for about 10 minutes..he is happy. Then?!! He can't stop by himself. He gets scared..he starts crying. We swaddle him. We hold him. We kiss him on the forehead..and we will continue to do so, until he can learn to calm himself.

So it has happened with our structure. We have done well for the past 3 weeks. We want to continue..but we are getting stressed.

Cody is taking the ACT this weekend. He is planning to leave today for a camping trip with girl-friend Ellie (one of sardine mama's coolio doolio kiddos) and family. At first I thought..you have got to be kidding. We are finally getting a rhythm going here..and then he started saying things like. you know..this test on Saturday..it like determines MY WHOLE LIFE.. and I knew he was pulling a Levi. He needed help to stop the looping he was starting in his brain. So I whole-heartedly agreed that he should go camping this week.

Who cares about writing an essay for Beowulf..I mean really..

Then? Austen starts having difficulty with his math. He is starting to get stressed. Reading, writing, more writing and then math? It would be like me trying to work a really hard math problem ALL THE TIME. So I suggest that while Cody is out -of-town..he just does whatever he wants and we focus just on geometry. He is quite relieved..and so we do.

We have discussed this (the kids and I) and have agreed that we will touch base every three weeks..and decide which two of the upcoming three will look more structured..because we all still have goals that we are striving for.. Leaving us with one week to just trust our natural learning..giving us time to breathe and learn other things.

So for this week?

Cody is learning how to grow strawberries and new riffs for his guitar, reviewing math for the ACT(it has been a couple of years since he studied the algebras and geometry), hopefully he will learn to relax a little..as well as have some fun camping in the rain.

Austen is digging deeper into geometry..and taking apart i-pods, listening to the Ender's Game series on audio..and treating himself to a zombie movie marathon.

Me? I'm learning to crochet!

..and Levi..well he is working hard on blanket eating!

No impact experiment - and Life Goes On...

2010-09-04T08:12:00.000-07:00

This week long experiment is finally coming to a close. Yesterday we spent the day raising awareness of our water consumption (says the blogger mom with a water leak in her front yard)..and today is Action. I. E. volunteering, etc. We are weak in water..and volunteering is our lifestyle. Always has been.

So..as sardinemama said from the beginning. We already do what we can..and won't be changing what we don't...or something along those lines. Pretty much sums it up for us.

4 tangible changes/reminders to keep?

1-Buying produce from the local produce stand
2- Keeping the ac/heat off unless absolutely necessary
3-keeping the t.v. unplugged most of the time and minimizing our computer use.
4-use cloth diapers more often.

Now back to the rest of life..

Levi has discovered that he likes the moby wrap. I found one at a second-hand store last week. Aunt Nicole? Also has discovered that she likes the moby wrap. Everyone is much happier now.

Cody, Austen and I continue to keep some structured studying going on M-TH at home. Odd really. Nice.

We write together for an hour each morning. We read and discuss British Lit for another hour or two.So far we have read Beowulf and Sir Gawain and The Green Giant. Next Up? The Complete Adventures and Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes . We are learning economics together.(I took one class in college..but that was a l-o-n-g time ago)

Then? The boys do whatever they want for a short break (oiy..saying that is KILLING the unschooler in me!) and return to studying independently for another couple of hours.

Austen- French and Algebra.

Cody- he is wrapping up a history book and studying for the ACT (next Sat.). Then he's on to Calculus and O-Chem.

Sometimes Cody and I just spend the afternoon plodding through online college applications and stuff together. We discovered he has volunteered 999.5 hours (that are actually documented and stuff) during his high-school years. Who knew?

The boys are usually finished studying by 2 or 3 in the afternoon..leaving them free to do whatever they want.
As for me? I am (ugh) learning to crochet and knit. It's Cody's fault. Really.

I promised to make each of the boys a quilt when they move away from home. It was something I have told them I would do since they were little boys. When Brian-Scott moved to TAMS it took us almost 2 years! But, darn it..we learned to quilt!

This quilt was truly a community effort..especially since none of us knew what we were doing. But in the end Brian-Scott had a coolish tye-die quilt with black trim and backing. A quilt that had been made with the help of no less than 8 children and 4 adults.

So now it is Cody's turn.

I have been asking him since summer. (because I know this will take a while..because I still don't really know what I'm doing).Have you thought of what you want on your quilt? Would you like to look at some patterns? Would you like to look at materials?

Cody, in turn, has responded with grunts, shrugs and grins. Then last week he asks.

Are you still making me a quilt? I get WAY too excited. YES! Do you know what you want?!

Cody- Actually (almost sheepishly) would an afghan be okay?

and I know this is what we will do. Cody is texture sensitive. He has never been a quilt-kind of guy. But his favorite blanket in our house is a knitted afghan that used to be my grandfathers. Cody likes the feel, the smell and the weight.

I remind him I have absolutely no idea how to do this..so it will have to be a fairly simple pattern..and we will have to learn together.

We find a pattern for an afghan he likes. It is made in squares and then pieced together..almost quiltish, actually. Only two colors..cafe' and cafe' au late'. Cody likes things that aren't too busy. Visually, speaking.

My friend Brenda (who helped us with Brian-Scott's quilt) looks at the pattern with us. It is a mix of crochet and knitting. She agrees to help us learn. So...we are learning to crochet and knit.

..and that is our life right now. I will no longer be blogging every couple of days because this no impact thing is over (that was part of the commitment to the experiment..to blog about it). So..(big sigh of relief for us all!)

Today? I learn to crochet. (practicing on a beginning scarf kit)..and hopefully finish prepping the garden for Fall...and tomorrow?

Back to prison.

I'm a little nervous, actually. I (along with friends Jack and Rhonda) committed ourselves to going to this particular unit the first Sunday of every month. But, unlike with the Kairos weekend..there are just a few of us..and it is a LONG day. I'm looking forward to it. Feel like there is more consistency this way...but I guess I'm just nervous because I'm not sure what I'm doing. Kairos is very specific..everyone has a job and knows what it is months ahead of time. This? Not so much. Sure I'll learn as I go.

In the meantime..

Today Big B, Cody and Austen are helping a friend build a shop. Calvin is with my parents this weekend. Levi is with my sister for the long weekend...leaving me?

To a house by myself!

No Impact Experiment - Day 4 Food/Day 5 Energy

2010-09-02T07:18:00.000-07:00

I will keep this pretty short.

Food.

Avoid the processed stuff. Keep local. Try going vegan. (we skipped this one due to Big B's dietary limitations. Sheesh..hard to keep up with all the health restrictions in this house!).

That was the upshot of this one. Pretty much describes our dietary lifestyle...except the vegan-ism.

We raise chickens..meaning lots of eggs. Generally speaking..we are pretty predictable in our diets.

Breakfasts: choices of fruit, eggs, toast, yogurt, oatmeal (non-instant) and we splurge on those darn 2 boxes of cereal a week.

Lunch: choices of more fruit, boiled eggs, sliced veggies, hummus, pita, dinner left-overs

Dinner: try to stick to Mediterranean Diet (primarily Sicilian..a little Greek) with a touch of tex-mex (it's a practical, regional thing)

Snacks: fruit, veggies,(see lunch options), and quesadillas. When it is hot we try to keep gazpacho, tabbouleh, or cucumber salad in fridge. When it is cold we try to keep soup in a crock-pot.

Now..where is this food coming from?We found 3 food items in our home that were outside of a 250 mile radius..production wise. Most of the food we consume is produced locally (like our backyard or Bandera county) some from SA area..and then 3 items (humus, pita bread..and a Cheeto bag. The Cheeto bag? No one seems to know from whence it came...) were produced farther away.

Energy.

yeah..well..we do consume it.

Taking an inventory of all products in our home that use energy and decide if we can eliminate or minimize it. We turned off the a.c. (when it gets in the high 80's..it's going back on..because it will quickly escalate to high 90's and it will take FOREVER to cool off again). I unplugged the t.v. (Not so hard..we have done this numerous times before.) La familia is used to our NO TV tangents.

I actually felt myself sigh with relief when I unplugged the t.v. I have thoroughly enjoyed this mind candy all summer..but it is preventing me from ..you know..letting my mind take a break from white noise and stuff. It also is the numero uno reason I have been too darn lazy to go to the river with Austen when his friends are in school. He keeps asking us. (no swimming allowed without someone with you has been a rule for Austen his whole life..) It should be for all of us..but with epilepsy? Not negotiable. So..I'm going to the river with Austen this afternoon. No more guilt!

Computer? This is going to be the toughest one..I believe. I made a pact with myself to keep my computer use to one hour a day. It's something I've been needing to do for a while. But I can't speak for other family members. Will have to see what sort-of agreements we can come to. Fact is computers are the largest default activity in our home.

Washer and Dryer? We use HE washer and dryer. I don't mind switching to line drying on my deck for a lot of items. Not too big of a switch..and with the extra time I've saved from computer/t.v. unplugged..I can do this. Washer..I'm selfishly holding onto.

Cody reminded us that when he was in Europe very few people used a washer. I know he is right.Most of the world would say the same. However,.we have a little pee pot by the name of Levi. As a matter of fact, we have started singing "I'm a little pee-pot" to the tune of "I'm a little tea-pot." (uhm just that phrase..not the rest of the song) to Levi on a regular basis. He responds with grinning and trying to sing with us. But being a pee-pot is not the limit of his mess making. The kiddo also goes on spit-up binges. Poor guy. So this is my "justification" for not washing by hand. AND? One of the beauties of living in the West? A washing machine. So I am selfishly holding on to this luxury.

Those are the biggest energy consumers. The boys have been on my case for leaving too many lights on. They are right. As a matter of fact yesterday..they removed all the lightbulbs in the living room. I did not notice until evening. They grinned proudly saying We're helping you conserve energy!"

I made them put them back in so I could rock Levi while I watched t.v. (ugh..this sounds worse by the second) insisting that we were NOT on energy conservation yet. ..and my darling children? We're happy to let me know how pathetic I was...being as how, you know..(ahem, cough, cough)energy conscious, they themselves are.

So that is it. I have 20 more minutes left before I officially unplug for the day.

Back in a few days.